Rising to Stand - Warrior's Redoubt


Den of the Jedi.

Godsmack - Serenity


Breaking up the consistency of the war there came an invitation that had the Knights all buzzing about in their duties. Plans were laid, preparations made and expectations set. The Viscaran Enclave had been invited to the High Temple in official capacity for presentation and unity…

The Knight-Captain awoke that day already tired, but it wasn’t as though she had to do overmuch. Herding the flock was an easy enough affair, relatively speaking. In spite of their unorthodox nature, they were entirely capable of shaping up and showing off. Far from her first position of management it took little evaluation to know that they would be up to the task. Reaching wearily for the cloak hanging at the exit of her room, yawning widely in her simple human way.


Coruscant was everything and more that the holovids had always said. Take a kid stuck out and away from the general mainstream education and society and place them in a domain of culture, the height of power, where the war was some disruptive news off and afar and away. The surreal duracrete fortress city world was as alien as experiences go, and up ahead was the distinct features of the High Temples towers and structure.

But before they even entered in there was a brief fraternizing among the upper classes, sweeping her attention from one set of voices to the next, ensuring there were none acting out of order. And yet it seemed the chance to walk away from this war for a time had the Enclave in something of a serene mood before they ever approached the grounds themselves. Treats obtained, souvenirs of their fellow Jedi and friends, it seemed like they would’ve stayed to burn every credit if allowed.

For them this place was a stronghold, but for her it was a grave, a prison built to hold beings like her. What would the Sith she once marched beside, commanded think?
The ache filled her muscles and swirled through her veins as it was more than unfamiliar and unnatural territory for her. This was the den of the beast that would unmake her. Gaze flitting, chest thumping, the paranoia welling up as they were exposed. Utterly at the mercy of the keepers of this domain, a warrior walking straight into their maw, the former Sith standing on the precipice of Jedi prestige and providence.

Her focus was only broken when her companion Knight in black showed up to sweep her in an embrace. The one who’d quietly come to her side to ensure she did not succumb remained close as well. Words had flowed, but her mind and senses were in a daze. The relief was the first break in the frost of her core for the day. And she would need to refocus with a duty to attend.


The procession itself was as expected, filled to the brim with the Jedi Order, or at least what remained of it. The Grandmaster herself rousing hearts with her words, stirring stones to rise within the chests of even the most stubborn and cold. The core of hope incarnate in a galaxy ravaged by war.

Next it would be time to call forth the Padawans to be recognized. Three were summoned forth, and their masters to join them. Before the High Council, before the entire Jedi Order Kathea and the other Knights stood with their respective Padawans. Here was Coral, the Nautolan who had met with her in the sanctum of the crystal caverns taking a knee once more. The words were familiar, honorific, tradition. The weapon was drawn and the bind that once held one to a specific line of training and expectations were relieved. It was her first to raise up in trust and training, unquestionable, undiluted success a Jedi to forge their future as peers.

A surprise came at the announcement of a Warden amid the Order once again, a title not bestowed in millennia bestowed upon another one of their Enclave. Though Kathea had to confess her mind was still awash in the accomplishment of her now former Padawan. While there was respect issued she allowed herself that selfish space to have some small pride and celebration. This place might not be for her, but it was for Coral. Even if she were to fall and fade tomorrow, at least she’d done one thing right.

Little would she know who all was in the audience that cycle, how excessively hard she always was on herself. But the time had not come, and there was still so much to do…


It was time to return home. And where one rose to their potential, a new movement caught her attention. Just as with the lunar body cycles there would be yet another rising light. As Kathea prowled and paced there was a tender confidence of the ailing Padawan that gave her pause.

“Why hesitate?”

The forest that she’d claimed was filled with sound and life in full once again. Companions new and passed contributing to that vibrant menagerie. Her white fur fluttering in sudden passing. She would act decisively. No hesitation this time.

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image_2023-10-20_205402336


Ice and Fire

My Demons - Starset


Another week, another group lesson that had the learners all abuzz with new energy and thoughts. It was the small sensations that gave the ex-Sith a small pleasure in knowing she could continue to build them up in new ways and develop their minds. Things she would’ve never had the chance to do had she been extinguished all those months ago.
The routine had been established on the Jedi grounds, but some things were not forgotten.
Not forgiven.

Such as it was that day, starting as any other along the Jedi grounds when rumors reached from far flung Tatooine of trouble in a Hutt’s palace. Talk of two distinct individuals. Something Kathea had to follow up on with a small worry in her heart. With even the smallest confrontation from afar, it seemed that was enough to tip things over an unseen edge. Another Padawan turned away, unable to face her this time. That familiar grief struck her as she clasped the Padawan’s beads in her hand.

Yet she would not have time to stop, to mourn the ache that formed quickly.

What came after cut in a familiar and deep way. That venomous blade of betrayal. While she’d known her former Padawan and the former Knight were close, she had no idea just how long this attack had been prepared.

Giving herself space she made sure no one else would be hurt by the hate she heaved into the open air in that moment. A howl, a mournful cry, a hateful sound that tore through the air and the Force with a piercing echo. A release, however painful, as she damaged her own throat in the expression. Grabbing, gasping, her body sank in place where she stood at the lonesome cliff’s edge.

Seems the visage of the Mandalorian spirit and the Jedi were back in their old war once more. There were choices to be made, options. She’d always teach others about this reality, how one can seem confined to a single outcome. And yet as her breathing calmed from the scream she’d allowed herself to release, that calculating mind already knew what she’d have to do.

Her newest Padawan was the grace she needed in that moment. His warmth, delivery, affirmation. Whatever edge she stood on mentally he handled coaxing her away from with the gentlest assurance. Even if there were things he could never protect her from. If the prayers could be heard, she hoped that he would not have to endure what she had. It was beyond her control now.

She’d not run away from this, but face it. Even if it meant the end of this life.

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Death

Rag’n’Bone Man - Human


The anxiety of the enclave was not lost on her. They were sensitive, they could feel the sudden tensions and shifts between raised voices. Kathea would not allow them to suffer too. It was a bold choice pushing that small control to take the heated conversation into the sanctum, to face him alone. But she felt compelled to. Even if these were some of her last actions, she had to try and ease them, protect them, shelter them one last time.
Beaten, betrayed, terrified there were no denials or retorts as she submitted to his rage and threats. Head bowed, she would have to wait for what came next.


It wasn’t right…


Within the eye of spirit came a beast from the heavy mists, each step an agony, every beat another deposit of essence upon the ground. How many times had they all struck her, how many times had they hoped, had they swung, had they screamed for her to die.
The scars were a web, one interlacing with the next, too many to count aside from the deepest one now that left her form open and raw. There was no time, no chance to heal. Yet the feet found their place one after the other, marching forth.

To this place there was a cage, the imposing stances of the keepers. They had the power here, the choice to determine if she was worthy to continue, or if she was truly and utterly spent. The scent of seething smoke tainting the moment. A warning, a danger, a threat. The element meant only to consume and destroy even if there was a chance for growth after. After she would be gone.
Yet it was they she turned to, they she would not flee from, they that she placed one last moment of trust. To them it would seem she might be arrogant, above judgement. To her this was a test of the very soul of all that she had ever fought for. Only they could heal her now.

Flesh withered, there was no strength left, no fight. Only the impulse to march forward and continue to face the confrontation. There were no other instincts left. What was once a full being had finally been emptied, the question would be whether they would put it down and out for good. An open cage door, a blade in their hands, and the rest of creation around them.


This isn’t fair…


There were aches and pains, subtle shifts that would be normal in the day to day. The asking after someone, she sharing of that time spent. But such mundane talk carried a new weight with it. The scent of treachery and mindless compliance in her wake. Those she had lifted up, those she had taught. It was the Sith all over again… amongst former Jedi she could understand, but even present ones. The searing words, the hateful vengeance that was being sought. Masters who wanted capture, violence, retribution. Threats since before she first stepped forward.


The ache of reality, the will to stand where no other could. Here this collection of mind body and soul stood unmoving in full submission. The blade was lifted, the test was failed. Eyes closing tightly…

Enough.

Blinking, coming to, there was some strange reforming. As if breathing again for the first time, seeing the shapes for what they were. Assassins. So many assassins all screaming for her to bleed, for her to suffer, for her to die.

You have more than proven your worth Kathea. Even if they choose not to see it and seep in hatred, you already know the truth seeded deep inside of you. Your loyalty and dedication might not have been the vision they had, but you are alive, you are of the light and no longer the darkness. If it is our place to be destroyed it will not be by meek acceptance as an unfinished or broken thing. You are great, not by what the others keep telling you, but by what you do, what you know. And what you choose to do with what you have.

They would have their control, their dominion. Kathea was never one of their kind of Jedi, and now she would not sacrifice someone else to spare her own misery. Perhaps it was a test, perhaps they truly hated her.

They can call me whatever names they wish.

I will not break. Not to hatred, not to contempt, not to anyone.

Kathea had been largely distant for most days, hidden in the temple’s walls, wrestling with the various emotions of fear in silent battle. But every message she would’ve composed was scrapped, every word that would’ve rallied the others to her was put to the side. A breath out cleansed it all away, she had to be what she knew she needed to be. Though curiously the call had not come for her, not yet at least. Might as well get some work done…

I will not give in to the darkness, I promised you as much as I promised myself.

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Transfiguration

Siames - All The Best


The worst was over. You made it. Things are only going to get better from here.
You faced it, you stood your ground, you told the truth, you endured judgement.
Life was starting to feel normal again. The training, the talk, the relief with each following breath.

After passing through the veil she felt shaken but changed.
Though even this seemed to be the final illusion.
Just as she stood with her head raising again, it was just enough space for the blade to be drawn and cleave like a singing scythe. Beautiful brutality.

The High Council member arrived to deliver what could have been stated days ago, growling out those same questions she’d already answered, making sure the other Jedi would hear it, would see the pressure, her guilt. It was all intentional, to see if she’d swing like others who’d been browbeaten would have. But she had to demonstrate the respect that was expected of her, she had to submit where others would rebel. The dynamic was unfair, the power was in his hands, and it was he who heaved all the judgement and the scorn in that moment while she cowered. Just the same as it began.

Stripped of all her efforts, she was to be nothing until she was to be judged. Again. All efforts erased, all present nuance faded into ash on the tongue. It was over, she was done. Every fear preyed upon. Mercy with a blade to her throat that now cut her open, mercy without forgiveness.

They lied.


A quiet and encrypted message went out into the dark networks, a quiet repeating message,
“The Jedi lie, the path of atonement does not exist. They will kill you. Stay away, stay alive.”
Scrubbing the terminal of her presence, what little history and data could’ve persisted, her own transmission codes scrambled those prior contacts wouldn’t reach her anymore. It was time to return to old pathways, to become untraceable, unfound, unmade.

With any luck, that will save someone the pain an misery we endured.

There were plenty of unknown places and unnamed worlds to go to, such was her journey now.

She was broken, her name meant nothing to her anymore. She’d shed that, and so much else now.
No telling what was left anymore. But for her it was over.

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Lonely Business


Ship in a Bottle - Fin


Hitting comm relays was an infrequent affair now. Further, weaving, never in place for more than a day where the lines might possibly be traced. Had a lot of time alone with her thoughts now.

Lots of questions from the outside, a single answer to give. After all of it she didn’t regret following her instincts, only reaffirmed as words spoken in possible trade surrounded her.
Tradition’, that was the reason to lose her connection to the Force in their eyes. It made her sick in her stomach. Rejecting all she’d done for them, all the times she held back, kept holding back. In this dim hour all her senses and reasoning had aligned, a heightened state, a skill to remain elusive in spite of whatever she felt. In spite of whatever she wanted.

On those days where she was the only sentient on a world she could find overlooks to dwell on, to savor those perhaps virgin breaths on worlds still unfounded. Unseen as the wounds were, they still scored her deeply.

“All will be forgiven-”
If.
If you get what you want.
If I submit and return to where I started.
If I trust those who handle such power the way a shaky spice dealer toys with the trigger.
Place my head back into the jaws of the beast who salivates now with the desire to devour me.

No.

Don’t be stupid, don’t be so unreasonable that you expect me to fall for that again.

Her eyes open to the vista once more. Trust was already shattered. While one might bemoan an existence away from former purpose, but for her there came a newly formed core and foundation. No longer withering under some self-wrought shame of unworthiness and lesser existence. Taking that once broken skeleton clawing to faint wisps of hope and forming skin and sinew. To go beyond mere servitude and seeking one’s own meaning.

So many empty words and unfulfilled promises, every fear born into reality after such pretty little lies that the hour would never fall. Only through it came enlightenment, a joining of sensation and prowess to precise sanity and unrelenting will. Once more passing through the veil of anguish, from darkness to nothingness, and now from nothingness into something whole. The same body, the same heart, tempered and tested again to emerge forward once more.

It was the rare being that stood by her now, even at these great distances.
If it was survival out of spite, better to be missed than mourned.


The comms awoke with a few familiar frequencies. Swiftly spooling up another jump point while she surveyed the information with a precise gaze.
"They have accepted the offer. The Republic still will have a bounty for a while though."

Left beside herself to think.
Could she return and elude the Republic until they focused on far greater threats.
There was no serving others anymore, not after what they’d all done to her.
Converted into a beast for hire, a lone soldier of fortune. What else was there to trust. Though her emerald companion was quiet, but ever watchful. An inspiration quietly stirring, the nature of connection never allowing for mere survival to be sufficient enough. But whatever would be decided and forged would have to be more resilient than anything before…

She could realize her hand was shaking in the open air as she had paused on the message rather than proceeding to the next. The alarm blunted at first but gradually rising as a small persistent reminder that her present situation was still precarious.

While she shed that prior existence as she now had to, the Force had given her the means to persist. Though to what end. What purpose could the discarded and disgraced supply succor to now. Her fingers closed and balled until she lost some feeling in her digits, refocusing on the surroundings again.

Still, her wrist turned as the hyperspace jump was initiated.
The flow had shifted once again.

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What is it all for?

Immortals - Fall Out Boy


Keeping off the beaten path was not a new sensation. Donning attire, donning masks was all part of the new normal. It was a careful conduct of knowing who to trust with the circumstances of all that had been said and done, in spite of all of that was endured there were those who still believed, those who still saw through all the theatrics and drama. Tense meetings and messages, apprehension and caution were required for now. But there were places where it didn’t have to be, few as they were.

Worlds lay undisturbed for countless eons until the arrival of one guided by the Force in flight, escapes to the far reaches and well beyond the grasp of civilization. Ships now stored and running on minimal energies, a little light construction of normal housing underway, it was a small project off to the side to help fill these uneasy cycles. The crisp seal of the ship’s hangar signaled a closure not only from the elements but the outside world. One might not regard the interior with the same delight she did, but it was as much a temple as it was a home.

But the soft sounds in a side corridor indicated this place was already inhabited, yet there was no concern for the one who entered and lived so on guard. Her own presence was easily detected as the figure revealed himself.

A charming beast in a simple tank top and pants, his smile could melt Hutlar.
"Home a little early, love."

Reducing her armor and outerwear to something far more sensible and comfortable she’d move to embrace the man. While it might seem a simple hug, there was the small tug of her fingers along his shape and figure, memorizing each of his war wounds and scars even through the clothing, eyes shut tightly, arms quivering. In a reality where she had held her breath for months, she could finally breathe again, the one who managed to keep her sane through all the anxiety and stress. Such an unlikely source had kept her afloat all this time, hidden in beskar from all else. Even her old Jedi master understood the need, the healing that he provided, even if he didn’t know exactly who it was. Some might not recognize him for that warmth and tenderness he’d managed to rekindle after love lost earlier in his life. In all of creation there was no one she could trust more, a partner who would’ve scorched worlds for her. But there would be no need for that.

There was only the faintest pause as she turned her head to listen to the faint crackle of something over heat, then looked over his shirt to note a few minor stains. It seemed once again she caught him in the midst of cooking, it seemed he had planned to surprise her in one of his little ways.

A kiss shared before he’d turn to retreat back into the kitchen area with a hum on his breath.
"Go ahead and relax, I know you’ve had a long flight. I’ll bring dinner in for us."
A tender command, yet she would heed his recommendation all the same. Quietly she knew the guilt he was carrying around in his chest since things had broken down, but this was always the risk that existed. It would take time and healing, but she’d made the choice already long ago and painful as moments were, this was worth it.
Someone worth living for.


Settling on the bed she’d pull out one of her older disconnected datapads that didn’t respond to the holonet pings but served more as a small digital personal storage now. One leg curled under her, the other freely swinging off the edge like some careless youthful creature.

All manner of little personal notes, attempted writings, little expressions of herself had been tucked neatly away. Elements of the past that had been softly unspoken. Letters, so very many unsent letters and messages that should’ve made their way to Valerius but she’d never had the heart to send. Such frivolous small things now, but they’d endanger her if she made her presence known again, seeping out a small pained breath. Of course he was on her mind, going to the Jedi was as much to try and save him as herself. But that didn’t work out now…

Then a small snippet of data that was years older, a space station crew manifest, a few collected pictures of a curly haired agreeable tough lady. A small flock of maintenance droids, heaps of damaged material that was ever on the move for recycling off on the side.

*'Dahlia "Fixer" Sinrae *
*'Kathea "Scrap" Sinrae *

"Hope you’re proud of me mom…" Brushing her finger along the screen before she heard footsteps closing in. Softly tucking the device back under the bed before the out of armor Mandalorian approaching with a tray of whiskey and steaks. She might never find her father, but such wants had to be set aside. Besides there were moments like these to savor and enjoy.


Enjoying a meal together, dozing off to a nature documentary of one of many offworld wildernesses, she’d stay up only a little longer. Though Rhirk grumbled softly, a thumb to rub over the length of her arm.
"What’s bothering you…"

A few small blinks of refocus before she could respond.
"Huh? Oh… it’s nothing."

The growl in his throat was small and unconvinced.
"I don’t buy it."

Another sigh relinquished, resettling in the crook of his arm at his side.
"Just… wondering what comes next."

"Mmm." Keeping a strong but gentle hold on her, just in case she had any ideas about escaping. "You’ve got me."

A man of few words in those moments, yet knowing what he wanted. It was a soft determined resilience that reflected her own. Falling in love wasn’t something she even thought herself capable of doing. Using it as a tool of manipulation, having yearned for those well above her station, well out of reach to be worshipped like distant stars and untouchable kings. But it seemed much like the Force there were elements one couldn’t hide from, one couldn’t deny. Perhaps the saying of a person meets their destiny on the path they took to avoid it was true…

Finally she had something, someone to call her own, to stand at her side through it all. Where they used to stir in trauma, the two could hold onto one another and simply rest now. Dreams came softly with the chiming of a tender bell, calling to her in the night. A verdant paradise, a lone figure standing there with the distinct notion of watching her, waiting for her. Beckoning her… home? All she’d remember was this yearning in her chest when she awoke once more.

Yawning with a head of bed hair she could turn and look over at the resting warrior. Looks like it’d be her turn to start the caf today. Breaking out some religious painted planks that she’d stored away she’d move with a private delight, a happy smile of things to look forward to. There had been plenty of anguish, lots of nasty hateful messages, so she looked to the positives to keep her going.

Even if this is all she could do, it was far better than some possessed revenge plot. She had no intention of backsliding into the dark. Propping herself up in the frame of one of the viewports she’d watch the local wild uxibeast like creatures off grazing some distance away. Seems for now this was how it was going to have to be.

There had been a terrible pain through so much rejection, so much isolation. But now she had time to process, space to contemplate. Ever vigilant for opportunity to come.

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Careful Spring

Cassetter - Introspection (Remix)


Experience was a priceless thing in delicate moments. Even the smallest feeler sent out was mere dust into the laser tripwires, easily alerting her to the dangers ahead and the choices that would lead to disaster. Isolated, outnumbered, outmatched, yet she’d linger in the peripheral, unknown what few times she could. Small tests of the water to see what stirred just beneath the surface of these social reservoirs in the rim. In a way she was almost disappointed to see such blatant thrashing and obvious hostility. At least the one who had delivered such a critical blow had operated under a fair amount of slow burning deception until the strike threw her life completely out of routine and normality. Rare that anyone could slip the knife in, the blade so deep, she remembered the agonizing howl of her body and soul as the strike landed.

Now in her shadows the toxicity only sought to rise, keeping her isolated, making her the threat she wasn’t. Setup for failure just as she was the first steps she took towards that enclave, the only difference now was the wisdom to know how they all scorned her, hated her. Forgiveness was in her blood, but she wouldn’t be taken for a second time. A resolved state of being, to the death if it had to be, sooner to escape, but fight as she must, as it had to be now.

Standing at times outside of the lake base at a small distance there was a solemn quiet regard for those stationed inside. But just as countless other faceless wanderers her presence would come and depart without much in the way of notice. But to see it still standing was an odd sort of… comfort.
For now it was the life of a ghost and shadow. Patient, present, but unseen. Only those who she wished to be found by would see anything at all. The predatory mind of a former Sith now coupled with the patience and willpower of Jedi training, yet she didn’t feel a pull in any particular direction.

Still there were those cracks that she could find, the true friends amid the nightmare. And with each she managed to reunite with she knew that her decisions were the right ones even if not for reasons anyone might’ve understood. The sheer violence that would have transpired would’ve broken her, to watch those she loved break their bodies upon this unrelenting shore of reality. Now that was something she wouldn’t have been able to live with.

Listening to the gnashing of teeth, the speeches of rising tyrants was an easy reminder as to how she found herself where she was. But there were those who looked to her like a leader as well. Grateful as she was, there would be no illusions or softening of the present dangers that existed. Just as it was after being pushed out of the Revanites, now all the more each day survived had become all that much more precious. Even if there were those that hated her, rejected her, she was filled with this overwhelming adoration all the same, but she had to be smarter about how she felt. Hers was no longer a limitless resource, but a treasure to be guarded and respected now, even if she had no regrets for what had to be done in recent times.

No the only regret was breaking loyalty with the first being to stop and look out for her, who protected her. And now it was likely she’d only let him down, but she couldn’t know for sure. Perhaps staying alive and in tact was his only wish. For now she could only wonder…


tov-jedi


By now she knew what the hunters would be thinking, just another renegade who was a threat to institutions and to the general public. A capture on sight was the standard encounter to be expected. She was no longer a person to most of them, just a mark, a quarry. Who she was didn’t matter to them anymore, this dehumanization was intentional, necessary. Can’t have empathy for someone dangerous after all, they might take advantage or even convince you of their innocence. Of course she was a bit more than someone who didn’t adhere to the law, being a potential threat to the entire system.

There was a gnashing set of teeth that she had to reach behind her shoulder to clamp shut, quieting the indignation of the situation, refusing to succumb to what was the natural order of any society. A steep breath of irritation was all she’d let out. Accompanying it all was the shudder of potential conflict, while she might’ve departed without much fanfare or struggle she wouldn’t submit herself quietly.

Normally her mind would fill with who, and how would she counter each of them until the sound came.
CRACK
A single snap of wood above her head, but only present in her own mind.
Grunting, she found focus back in the moment again.

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Surviving in spite of…

Show Me How To Live - Audioslave


Engaging with the elder again was always an enjoyment, it felt like it had been a little too long since a simple discussion with a seasoned warrior could be shared. He would have no idea just what level of healing such a simple engagement was for one like her. Connection had been the way her perception manifested, understanding the pin points of people from strengths to weaknesses, from their fears to their wishes and dreams. Granted, her companion all too readily pointed out just how much she focused on others, and so terribly little on herself.

But there were many more times when she was alone.

There was many an hour in transit or between minor hidden little tasks where she would supplant herself into meditation, not merely as a way to work things out, but to seek that communion as ever. Even though most times nothing came of it, it was the muscle that had to be trained, it was the routine to be kept. As the weeks played out though something started to chip and gnaw and break through. Grasping and holding her own form as it swayed where she knelt, there was a storm that could no longer be denied.

It was a poisoned path from the start, this is what I meant when I said I’d never be like you…
It was all lies from the beginning, even as they demanded your truth and obedience…
Abandoned at the first inconvenience, when leniency and patience were granted to all others…
He said I belonged there, but I can only imagine what he thinks now, how much he hates me…
They shouldn’t be able to sever a true Jedi, that’s what you said…
From the beginning none of it was my choice, all I wished for was to protect the one who needed me…
So many get to do the things they would destroy you for, but you’re the one who burns…
Used and betrayed time and again, it’s not a wonder you have trust issues…
Something is so very wrong, but only you can see it…
Are you so sure you believe you’re doing the right thing, but aren’t we all, isn’t Malak…?

The mind’s pathways turning down hundreds of hallways with specters of possibilities reigning within each. Many occupied with hunters, and others still with the presence of an old darkness that had once thrived on the fires she had fed all her focus into. Normally she’d be stopped, normally she’d be busy, or corrected…

A scream of anguish erupted out as her palms found the floor in an abrupt forward crash. Breaths heaving could barely keep up with the reeling sensation of the pressure weighing upon her. How she’d tried to let in a belief, the Force wouldn’t put upon her anything she could not handle. It felt almost juvenile, but here she was trying to insist that very same hopeful truth of reality into her being as her mind was wracked with stress and pain.

When hope is gone, when you have nothing else, trust the Force. Words that should’ve comforted, alleviated, yet how many were driven to this sheer brink of existence. How could they possibly understand, how could they help her now? Normally she might even self correct, but she knew she needed to feel, to process sometimes no matter how it ravaged her senses.

The lessons granted to others rolled around and struck the surfaces where they impacted like marbles in a glass house, displeasing, yet still succinct in their truth. Though she knew how such things could be, they were empty words, though her empathy could never fully embrace the pain of the moment as she endured now. That there would always be such voices heaving their loathing, those that oppose and despise. And yet in spite of such there would be those who loved, accepted, and embraced. What a disservice it was to shut out that love in favor of the negativity, to despair and hate. Her teachings, her aid was just as much to herself as it was to others, but she had to remember and keep hold of her sanity.

Fingers crawled up into her hair, the floor would catch her tears as they fell from her weary eyes. The cracks were there, they always were, but how much longer would it all hold together.

"When is it my turn."

The last job had given her enough to resupply, refuel, and leave before too many questions were asked. Crawling to her own paranoid little bed space by the helm of the ship her shaky fingers would claw desperately for a syringe. A single shot into her veins and her eyes would roll back as the body fell limp. Tranquilizing herself just to find the quiet once again.

Where one lone woman fell into an imposed rest it would seem utterly hopeless. But the fond gaze of masters now passed beyond life, the warm hum of her kyber crystal still radiated. Even in the grand distance of the galaxy was a world where her friend resided and connected as all things do with the Force. Quiet as such things were they would wait for her to rise once more as with any other day, witnessing her singular drive to survive.


They were just unrelenting, they really did hate her. It didn’t matter that she was a victim, nothing mattered anymore. Anything she’d ever tried to do was ruined forever, there wasn’t enough that she could do to save herself anymore. She was powerless. Unless something changed, it was over.

They had won, not that they’d be happy. Nothing was ever enough for them. It made her sick, so sick that all fell into silence, stillness, and nothingness. Waiting as the barren moon adrift…

I’ll just be here, waiting.

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Castle in the Sky

SIAMÉS "Firestorm"


While being a fleeting presence or alone for the most part, there was that longing for connection that the mind simply couldn’t deny. It was the very context from which her initial tentative steps in deepening her understanding of the Force truly began. While that voice was safely secreted away for all of the eons of time and space, she still had to continue taking care of herself.

Taking a smaller craft that was a bit too slim for any additional sleeping compartments, Kathea had settled into the pilot’s chair as it reclined just enough to allow for some degree of comfort. A modified cargo shuttle to allow herself both a smaller travel signature and a degree of cover. By now most were tucked away in various Life Day festivities, her delivery of alcohol would no doubt be well received.

Just as her dreams paraded on through the stretched hyperspace lines, her mind wandered along with the craft through the void. Senses settling on a figure in a black cloak, hood drawn, they were indistinct. And just as their head turned…
A grumble, a rub of the eyes, her indicators all alerting her to the arrival. Muttering the most minor curse to this ongoing burden in her less than restful times.

Sure enough a familiar accent of a slippery set of lips of the Mon Calamari hangar coordinator sent the corresponding coordination hail, not realizing just how much she smiled as she heard the voice again. "Howdy there Century Stone, two-six-six-seven-nine-two, reading you on course to dock. Give me a wellness check of the pilot, confirm status and your designation are all correct?"

"Affirmative, crew of one is healthy, cargo is in tact and ready for transfer to the on station facilities." Sending over the full manifest on this new IFF that was separated from her prior existence. Hardly uncommon here where slavers and rogue traders were known to pass through.

"Prompt, exceptional, get in here, everyone’s waiting for you~!" Fish-Eye warbled his inebriated praise, failing to fully mute a hiccup through his gills as his fin hand only mostly covered the comm intake. Even she had to let herself giggle, seems the festivities were on track as ever. "Please proceed to bay 24-B, have a nice cycle!"

Local deliveries section for standard sized craft, everything just like she remembered. Although usually she was never the pilot, only the girl working on gear shafts and exhaust condensers hearing the announcements play out. Greeted by the humans and other various species that made up the marbled composition of the stations present inhabitants, no doubt due to dramatically shift once the standard year turned over. This was ever a place to pass through, never to stay.

After the payment was transferred and the goods were being offloaded she would head towards the maintenance levels, passing by the industrial processing sections with their refineries and loading docks. The heat that would normally sweat off the area was at a simmer for now as the majority of the workers were off getting satiated on all manner of treats. The smelters would remain lit for those unlucky enough to draw the short durasteel rod and have to work on cleaning the build up residue as it was one of the few times they could easily afford to do so without stifling their production.

The maintenance area hadn’t changed all that much, from what she could see. Still piles of various pieces for debatable amounts of continued use depending on how cheap the repairs had to be. Although her mother’s way of ordering things was thrown well out the airlock and only by her own knowledge did she recognize the groups as they were stacked now. Slowly she’d remove her helmet to look around a bit further, though it didn’t take long to catch some attention…

"Holy mother of Hutts…" Her veins writhed with sensation, the comment and focus seemed to be on her, someone who noticed. "Scrap!?"

The sight of a Trandoshan was far from unusual, though it had been while since she’d put eyes on one in the flesh. With muted grey scales and a maw that split his face open it was the best attempt at a smile he could throw on with the sudden recognition. "Kliir, Clear cut, is that you?" Even her tone betrayed some surprise.

Tossing aside the spanner and having it clang around carelessly, the reptilian sentient couldn’t help but scoop and squeeze the tiny human. "How is it I grew this much and you stayed so small. Tell me, are you eating enough? You look thin, and this cut?" A singular claw tracing along her face with some care. "From hunt? When you disappeared on that shuttle I didn’t think I’d ever see you again!" But even she had to admit that the attention and jubilation made her just a bit nervous.

"It’s good to see you too my friend. I had no idea if you’d still be here after two years. But… let’s not make a whole ruckus about this. Things haven’t exactly gone well out on my journeys. There’s a bounty floating about, and I just…" However she was cut off.

"You know how it is around these parts, kriffin’ near everyone has a reason they out of the 'pubbies reach. Here…" Handing her a set of work goggles meant for welding and other sorts of work that was hazardous for the eyes. "Just wear these and no one will even notice, okay? Come, you’re just in time to help fit into a space and help me bring back this steel bird to life."


It was a small pleasant feeling of reconnecting, grumbling over the various war stories and peoples she’d met over the course of her journey thus far. Mentions of Jedi, Sith and all such things just baffling the engineer into surprised reactionary sounds.

"It sounds like, and yes before you correct me I know it’s your ‘point of view’…" Giving another bemused hiss, concentrating on his present electronic calibrations tasks. "But you got screwed somethin’ special Scrap. First they try to kill you off to prove how strong they are, and look how that all panned out." Snorting. "And then the others try to get you to tell the truth and then punish you for doing so, rewarding betrayal." Tongue flicking. "Good to know the galaxy is still poodoo." A final snap of the jaws.

As the gunship started to flicker back to life with one final set of wires being rerouted in the tight space that she could more easily fit in, there was a sigh that escaped her. "At least…"

"Yessss… Yess, from your point of view." Kliir preferred to keep things direct, she had always appreciated that.


And while she had arrived initially alone, there was one set of eyes keeping watch out for her. A Mandalorian was an uneasy sight, but with the war passed their types were becoming more common even out in this stretch. It said something about his protectiveness that he’d be willing to come this close to the Hutts he so despised. Later they’d settle down in a private space to celebrate their first year’s end together. For now those steely eyes took in the world that was her childhood home, peering into a piece of her past, what made her who she was.



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Just a little starlight.

The Fall - Half-Alive


Each rise, check coordinates, frequencies, hone the body as much as time would allow, before taking a simple meal and looking out somewhere different once again. Some routines were best kept after being established, and while not all might be diligent there was something grounding about the balance of physique to form a foundation for sanity while the mind dove deeper and further into the concepts of situation and circumstance. Always looking for that next alert to bring her back to life, yet the voices afar were silent as ever. Eyes closing with a pinch of bitterness in waiting, her break for festivities had been taken, surely there was more she could do as she was in Fate’s stasis.

With a low grumble and a thirst few drinks could quench, she found herself at another distant world, long neglected and forgotten by the Republic in the midst of the various crushing wars. Inhabited yet disconnected, this alpine world held little in the way of any strategic value, and had been left on its own to heal after some of the prior conflicts. A native population traumatized by the Mandalorians along with the other travelers and wanderers who’d come to find this spot ‘home’ for however long. With the dilapidated state of things, it would take countless supply runs to restore the amenities for a decent starship port to be maintained. Mercifully she was hardly stranded, just making her way with a few extra layers around her face and shoulders to protect her from a bit of brisk winds in the highlands.

Shuffling into the cantina that still was scored with structural damage it seemed to be a popular enough huddle for how sparse the population was. Taking up a booth she’d ask for whatever was on tap, throwing in an extra tip to the tender for the local news and rumors. The distilled sap of the local flora was apparently all they could regularly keep in supply, sticky, but satisfying. Apart from misery and hopelessness, grumbling about the senseless destruction on the part of the prior Neo-crusaders there wasn’t much that stuck out. Listening loosely to the chatter around her she would recline back in that moment, savoring that tingle of connection. The way that sentients communicated, collaborated on everything as mundane as the end of the day meal to business. The thrum was a soft white noise that only she could really take in, without any sharpness of hostility she found herself lulled into an ease as the drink settled in to calm her core.

Then again having a blaster pistol and her sabers at her side once again allowed her a sense of readiness. Just in case.


The Force had its way of nudging her, as in a short time there was a somber thread making the rounds. Tugging on the arms of other patrons, pleading in what seemed to be a continued annoyance to the rest, a woman with a cybernetic leg and hand calling attention to herself. Under her shawl her eyes parted as the uneven steps approached. These cybernetics were unfamiliar to the one using them, this damage must’ve been within the last year from her estimate.

With unkempt hair and skin pox marked, her approach was anything but subtle. Having already pleaded with the rest of the patrons, inevitably Kathea’s turn had come.
"Please…" Her words strained from emotional exhaustion, "I know it’s a long shot, but… Have you seen my son?"

Gazes now met, there was that tug in her chest, a call to first inquire but not yet act, not yet promise something. "I only just arrived. What’s happened to your son?"

But even this small degree of empathy was enough to make the distraught woman burst with explanation, Kathea could feel it clawing away at this fraught mother’s core as if her heart was outside of her body. Raw emotions she had forced into submission of her own will, but the taste of the feeling was still familiar, agonizing. Such fear, such worry. Empathy, connection, her focus fell on the story told.

The son it seemed had journeyed further into the exclusion zone, rendered such from the extreme damage to structures, known also for downed starships in the area as well. Various risks of collapse and potential chemical exposures within the zone were commonplace, but there was still valuable resources and technology to be collected from those spaces. Even though he’d been a scavenger since the fighting headed to other fronts he’d not returned from his usual collection patrols.

Settling back, she knew she’d been the last to even be asked this. Perhaps uncomfortable but having little choice but to reach out to even a stranger from the stars. "I don’t have much, but I will pay if you… find anything." She’d shake her head to the mother.

"That won’t be necessary. I will at least look, that’s all I can promise. But if I may know your name…"

And yet the dam breaking of sheer relief and the scoffs from nearby eavesdroppers couldn’t be entirely overlooked. Mutterings of a death wish slipped from inebriated lips. "Hellena…! Hellena Brunswick. And- and his name is Connor!" A nod to follow, a small piece to help identify him if she found him. "There shouldn’t be anyone else out there, perhaps a few droids, but the area is fairly… adverse to life." The suggestion of hazardous material gear was offered, but Kathea had her own back on the ship. It wouldn’t take all that long to prepare.


Heading along the mapped out route there were scenes frozen in the alpine climate, passing everything from burned out vehicles, damaged terrain, and every so often a set of armor too damaged to be scavenged. The old crusader armor was largely durasteel anyway. Outer clothing catching the wind as it whipped the trek was not all that pleasant, but at least for a time she was off ship and stretching her legs.

In a sudden turn around the mountain as the path continued to descend the scene broke from the occasional sighting to a whole injection of unnatural color and damage. A boxed in valley might not seem like the place to host a battle squad but with her experience in the war thus far she could see that the highlands were not suitable for landing as a combined unit, and the pathways up were as much funneling defenders as well as the aggressors. Burnt out ships, bunkers dotted the space ahead, they’d all landed hard and fast, and by now most of the largest salvage that was untainted by engine runoff and other exposure had been picked off of the carcasses of what was left behind.

Seems though there were no bodies, the dead had been taken care of as the salvagers went. Cracked helmets embedded in the ground or other personal belongings above raised beds of earth. She was starting to piece together what these scavenging patrols might entail. Though she’d pause at times to ever scan for radiation and other toxins to try and avoid such, pulling a mask into a tight fit over her eyes and breath. Seems the whole lowland was holding the toxins in a minor concentration where the land was lowest, which was this area. But all in all it was quiet, it was dead here.

In theory it should be easy to find the lone scavenger, this missing son. The horrors of the war and what the Mandalorians did before was not lost on her even as she went, but she carried no contempt about it. From their perspective it was their duty to serve, engage in the war they excelled in, rapidly recruited or willing or otherwise. She knew why the Jedi and others despised them, but knew also where such feelings led to, what a poison such could be. And yet, she couldn’t focus on what was with so much going on in the moment as it came more naturally now.

Passing the creaking hulls and stripped bones of various craft, it didn’t seem this offensive had any Basilisks in it, they might’ve already been salvaged or were never deployed, but there was none even so. The wild wind here wasn’t enough to drive off the spilled fuel and accelerants, the land tainted for a considerable time to come without outside assistance. With her senses extended there were little songs of tension, of rising danger, but nothing of life stirring among the ruin.

A steeper breath passed the filtration system as she lifted her chin and closed her eyes to concentrate further. A tender curiosity of a fresh presence lingered, a trail going beyond the miasma into a glade just beyond, unharmed by the conflict at all. Her own feet found the trail as she departed the dead zone and into this pocket of alien wilderness.


The presence of an alpine forest seemed so odd so close to the destruction and she could sympathize with the curiosity struck. A closed area on all other sides with mountains too steep to traverse on foot. Pristine as it was there was an unease in the Force, the answer was silent and simple. This place was protected, but how could that be.

And yet just as she considered there was a jingling in her peripheral of not one but two life forms. Suppressing her presence she tracked that sensation down until she was able to determine the source of it. A smaller personal craft, a modified shuttle had landed among the brush and was easily hidden by the thick foliage. But the two individuals caught her off guard.

One man, that was largely expected, in his salvage gear, but along with him was a darkly clad female as well. The man was baring down on a knee before her as she observed the transaction. Seems this Sith was displeased with what had been recovered, the man pleading and saying that there was nothing left to be found of that nature, he’d tried, he’d checked. The earnest nature of his words betrayed his own fear, similar to his mother’s and yet that fear was much more palpable, survival was on the line. Perhaps for others as well.

A hand raised the shock that ravaged the man’s body sent horrible screams into the air that echoed off of the trees and rock faces, no doubt carrying into the valley of death. He might be working for this Sith in secret, but their mistreatment was expected and all consuming. As the threads connected, this woman would not stop, her displeasure seems to have reached its zenith.

With a grit of her jaw she emerged suddenly as the piercing yellow eyes lifted up in sudden surprise, breaking her focus on the torment she was delivering. An emerald saber coming to life as it demanded the Sith’s full attention now. "What!? Impossible!" The energy redirected at Kathea’s form, seeping into the copious wounds under her armor much to the delight of the irritated being.

As she struck the ground awkwardly from the sudden assault there was a feral growl that emerged, her ankle twisted already, a hinderance to her momentum as the Sith ignited her own saber and held it with that certainty and sinister pleasure of a bored nexu finding more than gizka to toy with. Now she had real prey. "Oh my, what have I been delivered. Some poor Jedi come to save this lost soul?" Flexing her hand as it rolled dismissively, approaching to keep the angles tight with her opponent as Kathea found her feet. "This one’s already mine, but killing you will be more than duty. It’ll be a pleasure." Licking her lips under her cowl.

Even with experience and the moment of surprise on her side the battle was far from easy. Lunging with the Force, accelerating their bodies, clashing with the sabers there was a din that filled the forest air as insects started to rise and illuminate the area in the sudden clash and energy. Kathea felt her suit rip and tear as the toxins that contaminated the attire seeped into fresh wounds, her head starting to pound with pressure as her body fought inside and out.

The Sith was in her prime, the fighting fresh she had plenty of vitriol to spill out onto her foe. "Another little hero come to die. Come here to save an unworthy life, look at you, shaking. What pathetic final moments you’ll have dear." When you’ve spent so many years in conflict for so long, losing more than you win, you know when the tide is going against you as she knew.

In her isolation she’d started to form a concept of the mirror, of retaliation. Taking in that seething point of destruction and finding the very point of the spear tip within the energy of her opponent. It was time to give it a test, she might not get more chances. Instead of turning her weapon to assault she focused on the next charge to deflect. It would have to expel the harm and open up the weakness hidden behind it.

The Sith’s howling laughter was twisted and wild. Footsteps slipping with an almost ethereal grace as the claws and teeth reached for the kill, as they reached for Kathea.


"Who else knows about this… deal, Connor?" Panting, managing to find her feet once more, though there was certainly a strain to it. Something pressing on her form and slowing her movements more than she’d realized even with her foe defeated.

"N-no one." Few words, but the shame dripped from his posture and tone. Hands shaking, he knew the reckoning would be upon him. That panic, that self loathing rising like an unforgiving tide, until her hand found his shoulder with a tender firmness. Grounding him to the moment, drawing him in to look to her.

"Then no one needs to know what transpired here today." Her words came evenly, resolute. A forgiving command to pierce the terror and allow him space to stand and breathe once more.

His expression would shatter as he grasped onto her side in a sudden hug that even took her aback. "I don’t- how- thank you. Thank you." He’d inadvertently press on a wound she’d sustained but she’d bear such for the moment as an arm fell about him to soothe him back down to sanity. Now they had a ship to take back, but she didn’t need another and would help him scrub the electronics and databases of their prior owner’s presence. It meant losing whatever information was on it, but she didn’t go chasing down every lead that existed. She didn’t have anywhere near the resources to.

It was only as they departed with Kathea heading to the pilot’s chair that Connor would turn and notice the reason for the area’s preservation. But too shocked to speak some things would remain secrets, just as his would be kept. Perhaps one day he’d tell his mother but as he was clasped in the embrace once more, that day need not be today, or so Kathea had said to him.


Thanks to the local cluster disruptions she’d occasionally get her comms connected the relays, but it helped to further distort her position. It was a small ease in her chest to know she could stay a bit longer and help to repair and stabilize at least some minor things on this forgotten world. A toxin concentrator would help with the eventual cleanup of the exclusion zone and served as a good small project for this week.

A former thread managed to reach her, a prior ally of hers, but there was a painful choice in its recognition. To reach back could endanger them or trap herself, but it was a vicious cycle. To be so alone, yearning so deeply to let them know she was alive, she was well in spite of everything. But too exhausted to decide for now, she’d sleep on it, as was her tendency. Avoid rushing any decisions since that only ever seemed to ever end in disaster. More fraught sleep to come.

The hesitation was correct, another hunter. Another who lies through his teeth speaking of frienship when all he wanted was to destroy her. The lights in the galaxy grew dimmer and dimmer…

But with her presence the faint rumor of a lone Jedi might spread, though before any could ever confront her about it, she would have already moved on. This was all she could do anymore to not stop and feel what was happening around her, the betrayals were a steady plunge into madness. Replaying the shot that struck Revan’s flagship over and over.

Each rise, check coordinates, frequencies, hone the body as much as time would allow, before taking a simple meal and looking out somewhere different once again.

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Heart and Soul

The Force | Ambient Mix


With so many ventures endured, so many battles worn on her skin, such tasks accomplished it was at times an overwhelming thing when the hour grew quiet and the company grew most thin. To have survived thus far felt natural as much as it was unnatural, this impossible unconquered form that managed to heal most all of the damage dealt. What began as this tiny being chasing the whispers out of the void of space had become so much more.

Of course one might catch themselves going over the past as she was prone to doing. Finding those hours in the midst of the Throne that she called home, posting herself between the placed figures that adorned the pathway to the helm. Figures depicting a conquering male holding aloft the world that was his own, the challenging beasts of vile jaws, and finally the mystique of a female form obscured and indistinct. A roaming temple all her own of the dawn, the present day, the dusk of existence, of the Force in all its various presentations and machinations. Something she was forced to pass and experience with each stride to the helm. It had been a space to teach, an arena to duel, and a sanctum all her own.

Upon her mind had been the drive to understand the nature of the heart and being, the calling she’d felt driven by even before her allegiance to Revan, before the betrayal. She was not always the way she was so feared to be. There once was a heart so fearful and hidden that she seemed practically sheltered and carried by those around her, guided unto the pathways she’d accept in time. No matter the anguish, no matter the pain, no matter the forsaken or impossible nature of what she attempted to do there was always this core entity. Not of the Dark, not of the Light.

Taking the time now four sabers were laid about her in a fanned out ceremonial presentation. Icons of her prior achievements, of her bonds shared with others. From her first that was formed after she was saved by Revan on Kashyyyk’s shore and gifted the crystal to take as her own by his very hand. To the ancient great blade gifted unto her from clearing out Ragnos’ tomb of despoilers and fighting in unity along with her fellow Sith to best his spirit in a final test of combat, a powerful weapon that curiously no one else seemed to desire. To the regal blade once carried by Valerius, one of several parting gifts as her place among the Revanites was stripped, a shattering moment of being forced to turn away from her oaths in order to survive. To the newest creation formed as she endured anguish and faced her greatest foe, Malak, only to focus on saving a life rather than seeking destruction and vengeance, preserving the one who’d struck her face to grant her that now iconic scar.

Each had such marvelous stories to them, carried for their own length of time and serving their own purposes now. And while she would meditate on different ones on different cycles, this time it would be the final blade that awoke as it had most often done in the glade kept by the Jedi back on Viscara. A tender form of emerald wreathed in robes, an entity that resembled what she would imagine Valerius would have were he still a Jedi, certainly influenced by the fact that it was indeed a crystal he had given her alongside his own blade.

Normally her mediation was a placid thing, unmoving, silent to any would be observer. However, with the pressures that were mounting and afflicting her this stillness would evoke emotion out of nothingness as the body released that stress. Silent tears running rivers away from closed eyes as she cycled her breaths as she’d learned to do not with any purpose in mind. This however did not go unnoticed.

Approaching the essence of the kyber sat with her unseen as it had done many times in the past, though drawing closer behind and at her side. Where it had always been somewhat distant as a sacred company she could never touch, a memory she could never fully connect with, the essence took on an agenda of its own. Robed arms coming about Kathea, she had to restrain her senses from doing more than gasping out, fearing she might break the cycle. A tender shushing filled her ears and mind.

You’re on your last legs
You’re waiting for a sign instead of screaming out for help
You are one of those who would remain silent while you are in unbearable pain instead of asking or screaming for help
You have always been a beautiful soul that no one cared to listen to
To just listen

A sensation to calm her settled in, letting her draw more complete breaths once more. The worries billowing in as storm clouds and fog about them. Feeling everything was so ruined, how those she wanted to believe were friends now spurned and openly heaved their hatred at her with lies and tricks. The past pains in the Dark had made her so wary, and after opening her heart once more it seemed she only opened herself up to a wounded reality that sought to drive the knife deeper.

The pain of realization seemed to be what was distracting, slowing her down. Much as she yearned for her knowledge to be passed on, to impact the wrongs she witnessed, there was a helplessness against the vast tide of it all. Debating if she should have ever bothered to try in the first place. An exhale passing through her senses, a sensation of empathy.

I am just here to listen
To comfort
To protect
To guide
To shelter
To hold
To love
To hide

While she could never know for sure, she could swear there was a shuffle of robes as if her presence on the far flung places of the galaxy was not so lonely. That trail of tears along her face seemed dried. A soothing pressure of someone close to hold onto her, that gentle hand that rested on her head to allow her to lean. Being touched there had always brought her back to that alleyway in the moonlit night in Veles. A most dark and feared entity urging her softly, gently to find her own salvation, to seek a reality she could live in.

"It was from a time where I too stood in this position. Where I too pondered the realities of tomorrow and the days to come."

"No matter what you decide, I fight by your side."

Here again she was at the precipice of the galaxy, cursed to know the light that dwelled in the darkness, and the darkness that was hidden by the light. No matter who she could help, where she might roam, stop and pause this pressure would always persist. Bearing now the ache of a poisoned spirit and wounds of an unforgiving reality, she had to settle into the deepest point of her willpower. Allowing thoughts of surrender to pass through her mind and pass beyond. A destruction of the form most profound, stripping away all she’d ever done to ask herself that question.

"What is ahead for me?"

There was no clear answer, no sense of where to go, where she could thrive, or what purpose she had anymore. But just as it had been when the Jedi pinned her for hours under their fearful scrutiny, the strength, the flesh and bone all stripped away until the only thing that remained was this determination. It was not infinite however, she had to keep it alive, she had to nurture it too.

Waiting, working, seeking the Force evermore.

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Suriving to Tomorrow

2WEI - Still Here


Keeping busy was easy enough in a galaxy aching from the continued throws of conflict, even if it was one she was forced to behold at more of a distance now. No longer being the last to leave the burning battlefields or bolstering the units nearby. A beast of a woman forged through this war, trapped under it, alongside it. Finding this tiny gap to persevere in spite of it. Letting even a single moment’s lapse would spell the end, and she’d come to far to let it happen now.

Just make it to the end of the war, whatever it takes to see Malak’s defeat. To pay him back…

Her mind slipped back to that quaking moment of realization. Already having to hide and yet recognizing something hidden from her after all this time. Knowledge of an encounter now two years ago, only one person who had the means to access the device that he did.

He’s alive.

The Jedi had been hiding the truth from her, their twisted hearts even had her sparring with him on Dantooine without either of them realizing it. The shock setting in when he mentioned how she looked familiar, while there she was in her surviving grief of having lost so many, only to be denied the truth about the one who was managed to be saved. Her hands would find themselves shaking until they found purchase, be it on blades of grass, against whatever wall or furnishing was nearby, or merely clenched into fists.

It seemed the hurt was relentless. The ironic twist of fate and destiny that the time she should be standing at his side again she was in complete exile, barred from so much as making herself known to him, unless she should force him to make a terrible decision. Not that she wanted to believe he would do it, after all they’d experienced along the same lines, the truths being hidden from them, the restrictions no doubt in play. Forced along the path of redemption. A cold shard piercing her chest as she hoped unto the Force that their fates would not follow similar pathways. If anyone could succeed where she’d failed, he could. A path she’d taken to try and save Valerius might inadvertently had tempered the way for Revan. Perhaps in spite of it all she’d done one thing right.

Liar - Mistake - Burden - Failure - Traitor

"That’s what they called you…"

Her perception of others had dipped into sheer dread, not wanting to believe many would want to harm her, but there would be active harm to any who helped her. Pinched between those who were hunting her and those who she had to ensure stayed protected, those that shouldn’t suffer because of her. An impossible path to walk, and yet here we were. It was an agony knowing that her failure might well lead to its own internal war, this was the only way to avoid the backlash. Protecting the Jedi, those she cared for, even as she was driven off.

Thinking on it though, she knew in her core if she was called to act by certain individuals she’d have little choice but feel compelled to answer. There were few who’d managed to save her life, to demonstrate that she was more than a mere asset, but a person. To Revan, to Valerius she did owe it all. The latter having come at the news of her possible demise to confirm the truth months before, though the reasoning still eluded her. And she so yearned to ask. Shame welled up in her now not having reached out, not having let him know she was still alive. Wishing to see him, embrace him, reassure him. Surely he’d seen the bounty posting by now…

The Mandalorians had managed to help her, but they never asked for anything else further apart from her continued survival and to not stray back into the dark again of course. Gritting her teeth at the familiar demands as everyone expected their price to be paid. Willing to destroy her if she couldn’t comply. She already knew that to succumb back into the Dark side would be a final timer on her very life, not that she needed a reminder of such.

Time and again she’d return to places she knew, off the beaten path, bypassing the colony and their watch as much as possible to remain just out of any likely reach. The only way to be found was to let yourself be, though this was the longest she’d had to remain in such, a surreal stasis of isolation that reminded one they were still alive with the pain it brought.

A pained grumble escaping her as she analyzing each path forward, the ones she could anticipate seemed fruitless. Everything was based on some degree of acceptance and absolution, even if she were to put a blade to Malak himself. Once they had what they wanted she would be of no further use to anyone, no need to remove the reason for this flight. It was a crushing reality that had settled in, so many things left unsaid, so much she still wanted for others. So much she wanted for herself. So strong, but so alone.

In one of her many hours of lonely vigil and contemplation she plunged deeper into a meditative state. Shedding her body and burdens to allow the Force to flow, only attentive enough to know if anyone might approach. For now she’d managed to stay just a step ahead, just out of reach. No room for a greater plan than that, driven by the desire to see this present conflict through.

After that though, even she did not know. Slipping, plunging, diving into the immaterial…


What should have been peace and exploration awoke in a choking smoke and burning land. Standing over what would be an ashen sky was a shadow cast by long limbs and a horrific body, twisted and injected with red crystalline structures. An unnatural set of eyes turning, cast down, bemused, enraged, maddened. A deprived predator with a bottomless inside, a hunger that could never be sated. Every breath of it heaving with agony, the voice entering her thoughts was shattering, yet familiar.

"You can’t keep me out, you can’t unmake me. I AM you." The maw dripping with the blistering heat the melted all else, even a single bite could ruin lives. "You deny yourself retribution."

Horrific as the visage was it was also all too familiar. A nightmare you carry with you, seething white hot gaze with every irritation and injustice. The presence of ancient kings and terrible spirits stood beside her, just behind. All watching, attention affixed.

"Hid me so well, they have no idea. The pain. The denial. The RAGE. How much more purely it BURNS when you were wronged time and time again…"

Their gaze strayed towards movement out of the dim obscuring environment, smoke parting and reshaping to form the Council that lied, that condemned her for so little. Their positions too high, too fortified. But if their throats were laid bare before her, weakened, defeated, vulnerable…
Death, it would not cleanse the past, but the future.

"If you’re going to bite, bite like you MEAN it."

No.
No…
She couldn’t.
Letting her grasp, her senses slip, tumbling back through the ground as if it were a sea and releasing the fear of the plunge to let herself submerge, and drown. A point of existence out of reach, now she was falling faster into. Staying would threaten her control, her sense, her will.


23rpojhgcwra


The lone beast was again moving with a keen grace. While she had abstained from corruption, from the life taking path there was still a darkness returning to her coat once more. A necessary camouflage in the rise and presence of the hunter’s scent. Not weak, but not arrogant either.

Passing statues now aging like ruins, figures of domination, of tranquility, of a warrior’s spirit, unnatural perceptions that were hewn out of the natural. Before she would’ve seen them as pieces of the self, but in all actuality, much like the Force it was all connected. The division was the illusion, beings weren’t simply one thing or another. Though in the wake of many others she’d witnessed there were such terrible shadows she’d not been aware of until turning the corner, witnessing the new side. A vexed thought gnawed away, how one life, one existence caused such change and stirred such emotion in so many.

Always a step apart, everyone was individual yet she was always seen when she walked, emerged, stood. The haunting presence of others, of departed spirits of dark and light still surrounded, still whispered. But she was not so frail to bend to the sweet waters of power and destruction, taking in those softer tones of perseverance. That was what made them nervous now, that unwillingness to break, be controlled, to die on their whims.

An undeniable truth awoke with a tender wind that made the trees shiver, carrying with it the wind of potential. The antidote for many enemies is one friend. Finding a familiar grove to rest her form by, body and soul she was ever yearning deeply for home once more, a place she sought but never knew. One ear ever on the wind, listening.

Remaining out of sight, for now the Force was her only company. She needed help, needed saving. She no longer denied it. Something had to give, somewhere, somehow. Remembering the songs of harmony, the vibrations of the deep caverns and the Viscaran crystals.

The sound transcending age and language, the feeling of a deep personal void, an organic ache. The long cry into the twilight to connect once more to whoever could hear the somber song.


Looking for something somewhere.

I Want to Live - BG3 OST Instrumental


By now the months had been a morbid attempt to avoid the worst confrontations, to many it would be a coward’s path. She didn’t care much anymore. Staying alive was more important than trying to prove something, these games with heroics and honor were all schemes of control, of culling. True loyalty would not demand such sacrifice, and so she pressed on. Maintaining as wide a berth as she was able, keeping her head averted, her presence a secret. Not so naive as to goad and gloat, or Force even make a sound.

It would be in the smallest of hours, the quietest of times that she moved around all others to slip into the opening to Viscara’s caverns, there certainly were a few to be found, not a singular spot. Strumming her fingers in soft impacts yielded little vibrations. To normal senses it would be a pointless and bizarre behavior for her to obsess over, a mere tapping, a glasslike echo, nothing more. But just as those had plunged its depths before though no sign would be felt, she did the same. Even if these were not the precise same place where she’d been called and confronted in her past, the depths were a sense of home and connection that never were felt before, or since.

The caverns could get perilously small, unnervingly narrow but she had her inner guidance to help push into spaces yet to be witnessed by mortal eyes. Only when the dim light no longer caught and reflected did she draw her green blade to ease the way. But when she found a proper cluster among the sound of running waters, she’d quiet the blade once more and allow the deep flora to unveil their tender deep glow. Not enough to see well, but enough to outline the magnificent internal structures. It was hard to imagine the wound that was carved in the world when there was the explosion planted years ago now. With a brisk shake of her head she tried not to focus on that.

Instead, drawing out some of her old notes and diagrams. Discussions captured and remembered with the Jal Shey in calmer times, but she opened her own addition to contribute towards, a private writing but still something to capture the thoughts and observations within. The datapad set to dim to avoid blinding her to the darkness of this subterranean domain.


The crystalline formations remain a notable part of the Force Nexus, at times capable of revealing pieces that are capable of being reformed into kyber driven devices. Though the exact moment of that understanding is only known between those who seek and that which wishes to be found. It is not triggered by other chemical reactions, it cannot be replicated, nor mass harvested. While the structures appear commonplace within cavern spaces, not all that one sees will become kyber. Or if it will, not within a normal human lifetime. Such studies would require generations of study given that geological happenings can take anywhere from centuries to millennia.

But while there is an obsession with the procurement of kybers, it is so easily missed what more potential is within such a space. A Nexus is not named such for its mere beauty or some remote presence in the Force. Instead it holds within it a great potential, usually labeled for its leanings towards either the Light or Dark. And yet, this Nexus responds to neither. As conflict and change rage above, the depths remain relatively untouched, undisturbed, and unchanging.

There had once during more active times when attention was drawn to it been the suggestion that it was indeed leaning more towards the darkness. My own experience with an entity within however yielded a paradox of its own. It would be hard to say if the being that was encountered was housed or trapped here, but there was sensations that the Force was manifesting through. It sought no bloodshed, no pardon, and only expressed itself in an honest way. But this encounter seemed to be entirely unique as it happens. All others being confronted, challenged in some other way.

"Will you be friends with me" - a communion of companionship, given my initial nervous steps astride a planet for the first time it seemed to reflect my own.
"Stay away when I am hungry" - a warning it did not have to give, but an earnest urging that their nature and needs would shift from time to time. No others would heed my warning as I waited outside the most known entry point.

That entity is long gone now, but the formations, the Nexus itself wordlessly remaining. Though sometimes I think I hear the feminine voice calling my name, but I think it’s just my own thoughts playing games with me. Yearning for a different time.

With all the different encounters, seeing it capable of being utilized and at times abused by both aspects of Light and Dark there comes a return to center, a neutrality. Akin to elements like water that are capable of burning into mist and air, but also forming a hard harshness like snow and ice, it is both dynamic and returns to the appropriate medium depending on the surrounding elements and influences.

A theory I’ve formed is that the Nexus is most like a mirror or lens to me, capable of reflection and magnification, but not capable of a permanent ongoing change. I suspect the Jedi of old or even the Sith and Dark Jedi too could’ve spent countless hours trying to shift the balance only for it to return when enough time has passed. Since this seems to be the result that we’ve managed to find ourselves left with even after events which would be considered recent in its vast and unknowable history. Whether that energy is shed or healed is something beyond my current observations, but if nothing else the sound of their presence is an odd unquantifiable comfort to me.


With a few momentary glances at the shifting of small rocks here and there she managed to get through her study session and documentation without too much hesitation. The Force didn’t indicate any danger, and she trusted such. But with it being so late, and the path a bit too rough to return to the surface Kathea found herself being lulled to rest by the ever present tiny hum that the formations continued to emit.

Packing herself all up and hiding herself away under drape, mask, and cloth she’d make what passed for something to rest on as she settled into one of the countless nooks beneath, out of reach of the sky. Eyes falling heavy for now while leaning against one of the broader formations that angled at a slant she could use to prop herself up.

Whether she was alone or not, whether she’d dream or not, only when her form surrendered to that cusp of sleep did the tears flow. While she was doing all she could to remain sane, the isolation continued to draw on her day after day. This was the ache that would be allowed to seep out before exhaustion put her under, just another drop of moisture in the cavernous deep.

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Red Haze

Starset - Carnivore


Trying to improve while she had the time, she was going for four standard days now without a drop of alcohol in her system. The occasional trembling fit and the lack of sleep was wearing on her mental faculties, but she knew she had to try. Taking up another name, another minor job it was simple freight runs that just had to get past enemy lines, not exactly the safest or most desirable work but it would help the war effort in these small ways, as well as give her something to do. The Republic had enough contractors hungry for their work, so she took smaller runs for smaller folk.

The only downside with freight work was that it could be a little too calm, a little too relaxing working from point A to point B… then again.

Falling abruptly out of your travel path was always a jarring experience, but something about the sheer sudden reveal and realization of the moment was most chilling in the depths of dark space. Where in other times it might be an unfortunate trajectory with an Interdictor class ship, this was caused by what swirling dust and primordial galactic debris made up the ion storm she’d found herself in. Considering the net she could’ve been trapped in, she was quietly thankful if a bit startled.

"That’s what I get for taking the long way 'round." Smacking the console with her hands ineffectually. Putting enough force on the back of her pilot’s seat to find her feet and fuss over some of the less easy to reach controls, the Ascension was a bit more than a starfighter after all.

Fussing to check over what systems were affected could quickly force her to adjust to a survival suit, but it seemed the life support and critical systems were at least in tact. Small graces in the wake of the moment, but her attention was focused for a time, long enough to not realize the gentle drift generated by both momentum and the subtle influences of gravity. Lifting her gaze to the plumes of ochre and rosen dust hues catching the light of static bolts that expelled and jumped at their various concentrations, she’d come to realize that she hadn’t been the only one snagged in the storm.

A lingering shape in the haze, a vessel without any readable life signs and yet she could sense something moving. The storm itself could easily be impacting the instruments, which was terribly inconvenient when you encounter some random adrift structure in the middle of no where. She’d already witnessed the threat of even a single unidentified parasitic organism ripping through the host it occupied.

"Force, please don’t let it be something like one of those…" A prayer of a word lifted into the lonely dim of this situation. With careful movements and high experience in piloting by this point she’d softly draw towards a connecting point with the other vessel slowly but surely. Only after the connection was made would she be able to port in and see the condition of the other ship in any real reliable detail.

The readouts on their connected ships were a bit more promising as she brought the details up on a simple datapad. The details were limited to general functions though, any more detailed logs would have to be obtained while onboard.

GRAVITATIONAL SYSTEMS ONLINE
LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS ONLINE
OPERATIONAL POWER EMERGENCY MODE


WEAPON SYSTEMS OFFLINE
IDENTIFICATION SYSTEMS CORRUPTION DETECTED
CARGO MANIFEST CORRUPTION DETECTED

The environmental readings were suitable for her species that she could see, but still she’d reach for a basic filtration rebreather along with her robes just in case there was some unknown pathogen or issue responsible. The Force was giving her some feelings of unease, but not full on sensations of danger.

With seals and locks established she’d made certain that her own ship’s systems were protected and isolated. No need for any other rogue elements to start coming into play here. The customary hisses of final adjustments as the bridge pressurized, she’d make her crossing delicately. An unspoken rule for pilots was to never get too separated from your bird, so each step was a wary one.

As expected, the emergency power for the lighting was functional but certainly unnerving. Normally florescent white lights had been tinted into a warning orange shade, keeping primary walkways illuminated, but side rooms and paths were less apparent. The escape pods already appeared to have either been shed or never loaded in the first place, an uneasy feeling flowing once more though it could easily be attributed to normal anxiety in that instance.

As the sections of the ship became apparent, then she started to come across the first of several unfortunate souls. Picking up her foot, there was moisture on the artificial flooring and in this particular lighting it appeared black, but as it pooled around and away from a fallen body it was easily apparent what the substance was. Blood.

What she hadn’t anticipated however was the revealed face of the individual. The poor lighting flickering once, she swore she could recognize one of her old Revanite comrades. But then another flicker, and it was some unrecognizable man. Another body, someone from the Jedi. That didn’t make sense, wearing Sith Empire armor.

A swear echoed off the halls of the interior. And something falling, the ship’s rotation causing it to groan as an answer.

Shaking her head, Kathea cooled her tension down best as she was able, ignoring the minor tremble of her fingers and hands. Wiping her foot and stepping onwards. In the main section of the vessel was an open enough space to host either quite a bit of cargo, or a great many souls depending, yet within was relatively minimal in some structures that reached up to the ceiling. A few heavy crates with necessary maintenance parts, nothing out of the ordinary.

It wasn’t until she turned towards the open path that should lead to the helm and main computers that she found something that was still standing. Alone, silent, seemingly unaware of Kathea’s intrusion thus far. But then her gaze trailed to any details of the figure that could be detected in the poor lighting falling on a small silver cylinder being clasped in a gauntleted hand. Her hairs starting to bristle on her arms and the back of her neck instinctively.

The Force issued a familiar strand of sudden and imminent threat as the lone being slowly turned to face her position. This was no stranded victim. It was a trap.


"Why can’t I just have one nice day. Kriff me sideways…"
Her back slammed against the wall panel as she ducked out of the way of the oncoming projectiles, impaling and shattering into the nearby surface like glass. Even a single shard landing would easily lacerate flesh. Wincing at the thought as her body turned towards the next set of cover, but just as she was considering the move to retreat a larger shard punctuated the thought and made her hesitate. Frozen in place for a breath as the reflection of its passing showed the whites of her own wide eyes.

Gritting her teeth, Kathea would have to wait for a little longer. Thinking it impossible that someone could predict her own movements, her own thoughts. But the voice parted the once still air with antagonistic tone, "I know everything there is to know about you. Even the things you refuse to see, refuse to face." The adrenaline surged, voiding her long term plans and thoughts for escape into something more fleeting, harder to read and anticipate.

Darting finally from one cover to another, a different direction, she’d hear the late cutting sound of air as another shard whipped past her new position. "How much further do you think you can run Kathea!? The scars on your face, on your body are just the start of it. The Sith might’ve hurt, but the Jedi tore you APART." Her name, how in the Force did this being know her name. That shouldn’t be possible, it wasn’t possible. Yet her new fixation was broken by yet another barrage of shards impaling the wall and crates around her.

"Look at you girl, a husk of what you could’ve become. You fled because you were afraid of the many, and now you’re doing it again. Call it choosing the battlefield all you like but when the risk is great enough you always broke away, you always fled!" Continuing to berate her in that seething tone, she had no idea who this could be and her mind ceased searching for any possible clue as the will to survive overcame the curiosity that had ruled her prior. Taunting as it might be, the retreat was all she could consider with this sudden surprise attack. She’d need to figure out a pattern, find a break in the projectiles this being was using as weapons against her. Forcing her feet to move, to carry her through as fast as the Force would amplify. Past the flashing lights, past the fallen.

"Think you’re clever enough as the pathways close, as your run becomes more linear?" The sick and wild laughter echoing after. A ceiling unit falling in one of the side rooms as the option to use it as potential cover was cut off. But she’d keep running, keep going. "You know how this ends, it’s why you’re scared. But you know it’s inevitable. So clever, and yet the truth is as cold as it is unrelenting." Breaking the Ascension away from this vessel would not be clean or perfect, but the charges in place were set for just such an emergency. The connecting port forced shut to preserve the internal environment in spite of the unscheduled and reckless break away.

But just as she started the sub-light systems to pull away from the other ship, she’d hear the words bouncing around in her head as if the being was standing right behind her, then on her left, and on her right. The syllables echoing in a maddening chorus. "Little corruptible dove, that dark princess of an unrealized empire. Such things you could’ve been but you turned your face away. And for what now." Kathea’s panic had reached a breaking point, hyperventilating as she pushed through the smog of the storm’s gas smokescreen. All she could think was to get away, to get out, it was the only impulse her body was allowed. They were using the names that she’d been called before, whoever, whatever this was knew too much and it was starting to crack her sanity.

BEGINNING HYPERDRIVE PRIMING
JUMP COODINATES CALCULATION IN PROGRESS

CALCULATING…
CALCULATING…

Hands working as fast as they were able, but her trembling fingers still slipped and she had to backtrack several times, adding to the stress, the mounting peril. She’d not realize the pressure that formed next to her until it announced itself in that crushing, hurtful sound.
"You’re going to DIE , and I’m going to RELISH the moment you do."
There was no possible way they could be on her ship, and yet here this being was standing over top of her. In a brief turn of angle, the figure’s face caught just enough of the artificial light to show the myriad of crystalline growths that occupied previous wounds.
Half the face, just like her first master…
A line across, from ear to ear like her own…
Reaching now to claw for her throat, to force her to fight…

5 SECONDS TO HYPERDRIVE PRIMING

3…
2…
1…

Pulling the Ascension out of the ion storm with one final adrenaline riddled push, the ship bolted from the haze and grip of interference just as the jump completed its preparation. The engines and hypermatter condenser flashing in a brilliant high heat white light as the ship and pilot tore away out of reach, out of sight once more.

Opening her eyes while her form shook, she’d see it finally.
The voice was gone, the being was gone.
Only singular occupant left clutching the controls with beads of sweat pouring down over her face. Once the familiar pull of the jump’s momentum tugged at her body she’d reach down reflexively over her saber at her side, Hope’s Light, giving it the customary loose grasp as if to remind herself of its presence and what it carried within.

The rest of the flight, mercifully, straightforward as the goods reached their intended destination. Though it was impossible for the receiving crew not to comment on just how clammy the pilot was.

Was that real?

None of the transmission logs registered anything, nothing was saved. The scrapes on the ship’s hull could easily be dismissed as asteroid damage. Her shaking hand reaching to go grasp for a bottle of jet juice, to kill the senses once again.

Everyone always wondered why it was she drank so much.
"Perhaps the Jedi Temple did more than we realized…"
A gentle grasp clawing over her shoulders as her head bowed.

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Drink to Remember, Drink to Forget

Haunting Eternal - OTXO OST


Alarms. Tormenting devices meant to serve the purpose of waking the resting. An artificial indication of the passage of a cycle, meant to rouse either due to routine or necessary obligation. A majestic Jedi who should be in a temple looking both serene and ominous is hardly the entity you’d expect to roll over with a mad case of bed head having empty bottles bump and fall off the bedside for. One hitting the ground hard, but it didn’t shatter, good sign maybe.

With a heavy rub of the eyes and a parched feeling in the throat this was far from acceptable, but still the sound of the bleating alarm’s timer indicated. Yep, still awake, still alive. Somehow. Grunting rather than speaking, there were enough voices in her head to keep her company, she didn’t like the sound of her own voice especially without anyone to reassure her that they were listening.

Appraising the present freelance work prospects there came a small advertisement that caught her mid chew of some jerky she’d decided would pass for a first meal of the day. The hues and smiles dragged her to a memory of a few bachelors and their plans once to go run off for a fun night, party boats. A ship sponsored by Zeltros to alleviate some of the aches and pains of the galaxy, and Kathea found herself smacking her lips a few times. Looking into it further they seemed not to care for IDs but weapons would have to be surrendered on entry. Not like one of those scummy Hutt sponsored ships where who knows what might kick off. It wasn’t cheap but she’d been working far too hard as it was. Everyone else was having a great time on CZ, why couldn’t she take a day for herself.

A small brisk snort, gulping down the mouthful as she resolved herself. Out of sheer luck it was even hosting a masquerade party. Failing to hide a smile from herself.


Giving over her blaster pistol as was required she’d disassembled her saber already earlier and kept the green kyber still close by. Not that it would serve as any defense here but she felt uneasy to part from it as she fashioned a temporary necklace to have it hidden under her clothing.

The mood was a ruckus already, the music could almost be felt on approach with the shuttle and the enthusiastic staff ushering in their paying customers ready to burn their sum of credits. Adopting the rented mask of a grand feline species with sublime eyes, there weren’t further questions asked, just credits in hand. And then one they were aboard the scent was the next thing to hit her.

The pheromones unique to the Zeltron people as an adaptation from their home world were legendary for their influential qualities, coupling that with a lack of carried weaponry and it wouldn’t be a wonder why few if any fights were ever known to break out once you were in their space. But she’d be responsible, set a timer, not let herself get carried away and wake up with a pile of crew members the next day.

Listening to people chat about their investments, letting off some steam about the war was another drink of intoxicating air as she found herself drawn to a seat to start the drinking early. But the blue haired bartender wouldn’t once complain, only smiling as she paid up front and grateful she wasn’t running up a tab.

Whether she had a bit too much, whether the drinks were spiked with something a little more than expected her day flowed by in a sort of delightful blur. Laughing openly with various other patrons as they teased one another about what drinks they were trying, being all too eager to share and encourage sampling between. Remembering what it was to socialize, to captivate, and comfort complete strangers.

At one point, someone in a regal antlered visage asked her to dance with a customary offering of the hand. Kathea couldn’t find it in herself to say no, and she’d never know who it was even as they swayed and spun for what felt like hours on end. And that was okay with her.

It was like being in another lifetime altogether. Smiling so much it hurt. Nearly broke, but so worth it.


Trying to keep that buzz going, it was a wonder if Kathea wasn’t being guided at times to her own bed. Her alcohol tolerance made it a self destructive chase, but by the Force it kept the worst things at bay. The ghosts were quiet, her muscles managing to stay loose enough to not ache tomorrow. Flumping face first into the bed once more to pass out and let the hours float away.


There was a shift in the dim, the lean months, the cold months. Every sound accentuated, magnified. All steps recorded in the top layer of chill until the next layer comes to cover the last. Frost claws at every branch great and small, robbing heat of every pulse that remains awake. One branch shudders with a sudden weight, snow slipping, the twang rolling through the air. Shaking the chill from your feathers, you fur, your scales, your skin. A fearful, lonesome eye beholds the brilliant chaos of wings.

All the tarnish in the world, ain’t gonna hide your shine from me~.
I know your soul… in an’ out.

A songbird, hues of the vibrant times of plenty pauses long enough to chitter and watch. Black beads of eyes that reflect all the lights taken in. The flurry of movement comes and goes with ethereal quality, making you wonder if it was ever there at all. Could it be a sign of the thaw?

A name, her name, rising from the horizon over and over. A pulse, a summons, a calling…


Rolling over as the sound to rise bleated to prompt the rise once more. It was just a dream, always ever and only a dream. Yawning unceremoniously with that exhausted and never satisfying level of rest anymore, scratching lazily at her stomach.
>“You have one new message waiting for you at the helm…”
Wait what.
Eye opens. Upright. Her feet couldn’t carry her fast enough.

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image_2024-02-09_231527086


Hope’s Enduring Light

Two Steps From Hell - Magic of Love


It hurt so badly…

I let fear take over…

I waited too long…

Even then just standing there, the small Jedi was trembling in place. It was a heavy mix of all this built up anxiety, missing those that she was doing all this for, the worry of betrayal again and again. How could one little life fit so much pain, such heavy burdens. Someone who started simple, a strange new face from an unknown place. Lowering her hood, her masks to each as she allowed herself the space to breathe and believe again.

He didn’t just greet her, he lowered himself to a knee to look her in the eyes as she realized he’d wait with open arms for her, reverent as ever…

She came close to hold her, to calm her, to comfort her and keep her safe…

A gasp of relief, words of pride and reassurance. Surely nothing would defeat her…

His smile of recognition, offering a warm drink and a place to sit and rest…

Protection that could be given afar, appearances kept, but true devotion reflected in action…

A defiant unity to keep her safe…

In each were the gaze of worried loving hearts. The words were heavy, but each sound alleviated the wounds and lingering barbs of the mind. Through the depths of darkness her steps had taken her she’d found such agonies and corrosive natures. While this path was familiar in its own way there was something new. The people, these lights, those waiting for her on the other side clawing her back and through.

These arms, these embraces of those who would forsake the risk of discovery and who saw the person beyond all the tall tales and the hateful pursuits melted so much of the chill, so much of the pain. Each reunion a spark of such warmth, healing, and such life. She couldn’t have come this far without them, head bowing as her form melded with the connections made, maintained.


Another quiet moment taken, Kathea would think back to the spirit of the Master she carried alongside her. Argus.

"I know that the days are imperfect, the path is harsh, harder than ever before… But I’m surrounded by people who see me, who accept me, embrace me, save me. I was looking for a place to belong."
Her gaze lifting softly, drinking in a lighter, sweeter breath.
"I managed to grant you your wish. I am happy now."
Bowing her head in reverence, knowing it was not merely his selfish want, he was guiding her to seek something she needed for herself. But even so, she felt joy again. Ever learning, ever growing.


After the damage was done she was almost certain the wound would have killed her, that her life would end with their scorn. With each reunion, with hope and love in their eyes and words, Kathea witnessed what she’d believed in all along. The Force’s true strength, the bonds between that reshaped reality. No doubt there were more yet waiting to find her again.

In the end they were waiting for her, she’d not lost that shine at all.

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Ruination

The Last Agni Kai (Avatar cover)


A lingering presence, she shouldn’t have been. They appeared as if called upon, where silence had radiated for so long came a surge. The flock had arrived, and just as a climber might feel themselves slipping from their grasp upon the stone, there was the fatigue and the trembling muscles of so much effort to come so far.

I can’t fight this anymore… She simply let go.

So many want you gone, even if there’s those who want you to stay. How long has it been, how long were you expected to keep going.

“You knew what you were doing by coming here…”

The gazes upon her in that confined space kept sounding the same question off, echoing a complete disbelief.

Why?

None would understand. They could call her every name, distain and barbed. But now, she felt nothing. How many had she borrowed, had she used.

Logic had been forsaken, a pure fury of denied retaliation threatening to overtake. But still it remained caged, circling until the feet were wrought into raw pieces.

A beast with great claws, terrible strength, and fear lingering behind its wake. Yet it lay here in this cage, not fighting. They could not see the mortal wound already dealt, the blackened blade that would never heal. As strength and sanity continued to wane and depart it seemed that some had only an instinct to return home. To die.

There wasn’t any comfort left, the certainty of a fatal end by this point. But the voices, the churning existences around her proof that she was still alive for however much longer. To see it all again deep down gave her a budding relief, the fragment of pride, the little pieces that allowed her to smile for just a little longer as they thrived. Head falling to rest on a rough pillow, a small mercy provided.

Counting the breaths, the shifting of the guard. She made no trouble, no fuss. After all that had happened, all she’d been through, Kathea was spent. No doubt there would be those hurt for however long when the news did break of her demise.

Of course I didn’t want to die, but everyone has to. So at least I can choose.
They wanted this, to make me a monster, to destroy me.

There was no more running, her body surrendered in submission.
A will destroyed, the ember dimming to ash.
All to see him… one last time.

]

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Dying Breaths

The Weeping Dawn - BG3 OST

Half-Life - Essenger


After months of isolation, of haunting dreams, of paranoid running he finally appeared once more before her. The resplendent king in the flesh, the Lord who had supported her through torture of the body and mind, the Lord who allowed her the means to depart and try to seek a peace among the Jedi, and the Lord who came unto the temple grounds on word of her demise only to find her the victor. The moment for all would be fleeting, but for her time itself had ended until he first broke the silence and set the tone of what was to come.

Her name flowed from his lips, it was enough to make her weep with joy even in this dour and dire moment.

"…Kathea…"


"I just wanted to see you one last time." Her confession to him, before them all.

"It will not be the last…" Valerius’ words flowing with a crisp certainty.

"How can you know that!?" Kathea would finally snap back.

"A feeling." Chuckling lightly, a confident smile as ever.


To be treated as an object, passed around at the hands of two squabbling sides. Some things really never did change, but it felt surreal to stand in the midst of it all. They didn’t want her, no one wanted her. So much violation of the single life that was, as the empathy was entirely lacking. Even she knew her sins were not that grand, not that great. But it was the chance to take it out on someone, the vulnerable, the individual, the one who’d restrained so many times to never fight back.

"Just a girl who has seen too much." The gentle Jedi Master had once intoned.

Looking between those who had filled the ranks of a defiant Sith and to those Jedi who she had grown further alongside witnessed her presence as less than nothing. A burden, a disgrace. The considerable effort that had led to this moment left her in a floating state of mind. On the one hand proud that no one relied on her further anymore, and yet still feeling beside herself as her worth was whittled into who would have the honor of punishing this woman.

"A real Jedi. Someone who is not restrained by fear anymore. One who understands." The rumbling echoes of an older Jedi sounded.

After all she’d endured this was a wretched way to perish, torn apart, scrapped. In that moment there was little to ground her as the abuse continued to be heaved into the open air. A decision couldn’t be reached, the pressure on her shoulder deepened as she was dragged away. The divide and distance widening yet that same nothingness, purposelessness still hanging in the air.

Surely she was supposed to feel something as she was brought back into the confines of the cell once more. All she was now was something to play with, a piece, a commodity. But hearing it all now, seeing it all now, it gave her a sense of calm and an odd serenity. Her flight might have been seen as cowardly, but it was the correct move. Things had deteriorated and this odd peril had finally settled in. When it came to the Mytaranor system, especially in matters of the Force, Kathea truly had become this ill fated pariah.

Having passed along what she could for Revan already with the data from their shared past, having done all she could to teach and inspire change, and having seen Valerius again there was this ease that settled into the moment. Acceptance, as the others outside churned and questioned what she might do next. There truly was nothing. And that was okay. Though to avoid further suffering, she’d need a hero. But the steps she’d taken now had sealed her off from a great many, such was her own folly now as she settled down once more.


A fresh death permeates the cell beside her own. There is not much time left, she can feel it. Her eyes resting as she slips back into her training. To meditate, to accept whatever is to come. Drawing on the calm, the quiet, the Force.

When the next round of abuse came, the dismissals, the mockery, she found that they didn’t bite the same way anymore. She’d experienced this profound invulnerability on her mind only in her most certain moments. Embracing a Truth of herself, as while it was a grave and perilous choice, she’d made it.

"Why? Why did you come? You think he cares about his discarded /pet/?"

She didn’t know… with Valerius it always was impossible to be sure. Maybe he didn’t… but at least he knew now. At least he knew.

Letting herself plunge, falling deeper than ever before, this fall was like nothing she’d ever experienced as all the hate, all the pain and worry started to simply ebb away.

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Final Wish

Bastila x Revan Theme


Know that as you are… you cannot save me.
But even so, Kathea…
I know you will still try.


The hours slipped by unto days now, the scent of blood remaining nearby. She should be afraid, shouldn’t she? The Sith were doing exactly what they were meant to in order to break their prey, their captive this Jedi. A body that had been tortured, ravaged, betrayed time and again. Quietly, she was impressed, uncertain as to what the Order she helped to establish would become, and they were magnificent in their own right. Yet here she remained as fate closed in around her. Doing something she never allowed herself fully, surrendering that survival instinct and relinquishing all control, trusting in the Force.

The storm raging all around, seated on a lonely little island with waves lapping, lightning dancing, winds causing the clouds to drift and swirl. Those final fragments of corruption, that darkness that harried her for so long cracking and flaking away. And here you are, looking up through the eye, the sky opens. Starlight.

The door would open, her eyes softly parting to reveal their deep brown hue as she beheld who or whatever might emerge next.


Valerius’ command was ever the direct and simple one, but he had parting words for the Revanites in their company. Looking to the others, "…no matter what happens, I am proud of you."

Kathea fell in line as his words ominously befell her, "Come. Your fate awaits." The expected escort, but it was just she and Valerius, silent on their way and resolved to what came next.


Approaching the temple grounds there was certainty in what she was to confront, a demise that she had abhorred so many times before, yet there was a calm both within herself and within the company of that which was beside her. It was a curious honor to have the man in her company, but she was glad all the same.

But as the Jedi escorted them inside she started to realize.
Wait, he’s coming with? What did they mean by “are you you ready you two”?
The procession heading inside in an orderly way without incident. Pleasantries exchanged as they now assembled in the round council chambers. A domain she once presided in herself now occupied by the dominant white garbed High Council Jedi Master, Atris. A harrowing bulwark of the Force in the flesh who’s last words to Kathea were far less than kind. But she’d hidden the abuse of the High Council members from the others as best as she could, at least until now…

As Valerius strode forward though, Kathea’s eyes would widen in sudden understanding. But she could lift no protest, this was his choice even if her mind and eyes questioned.
Why?
But she had trust, she had faith, having supplanted all her anxiety unto the Force now. She would maintain a silent vigil.

Taking a knee before the High Council member, he had approached without hesitation. There was certainty in the act, his choice, his willingness to be severed before them all. Though he did not go silently unto the task. His words seemed to gnaw away at Atris, something unsettling her as she rebuked and scorned him.

The acceptance was universal, a man condemned for his sins, an unrepentant darkness to be purged.

"DO IT!"

The surge came suddenly, all could feel it as the rite of severing flashed before their senses and the room’s contents stirred. This was not a peaceful thing that had transpired, but what was done is done.

Now their gazes turned to Kathea.


Do not fear the darkness when it comes to you little one. Trust in yourself and the friends you made here and they will see you through. No matter what shape the demon may take.
The priest’s words echo.


"No fear" The freshly severed spoke.
"Chin up" A tender encouragement radiated in her mind.

Where fear would have stood, Kathea took a knee before the High Council member lifted her gaze to meet Atris’. No more quivering, no more cowering.

Though as the hand rose to strike and invoke the rite once more there was a voice that came alive. Jerr did not stand idly by as a challenged was raised, doubts were lifted, but all the while she remained silent and in place. There was an unease as doubt began to seep in, questions started to lift. They tasked her with what she believed, if Kathea wanted this.

"I relinquish my life to the will of the Force, whatever it may be."

Coughing, drained, weakened, Valerius jabbed once more. "…does it frighten… you, Atris? This kind of love of life? Acceptance How we… accepted our fates when we left? Can you comprehend it Can you even fathom what heart truly is?"

The council chambers stirred and swirled with a rising tension and unease.

Was this right?
Was the decision being rushed?
Was this the trial?

The deafening words of the council member rang out, as sacrifice was demanded. While the challenge remained there was a distinct shift in the air, a fury was building. The focus of Atris remained on the task at hand, even a sudden rush from the Jedi Master Vrake wasn’t fast enough to stop-

It.

There it was.

The ringing in her head and the daze of her eyes was the next thing she could remember, the lights were damaged, the power invoked seemed to have been… forced, yet done all the same. That gaze turned skyward closing as the skies, the storms, the wind and the sea all drew into a sudden surreal quiet. The disconnect she had for so long feared settled into her senses. But she wasn’t dead, just different now.

Looking bleary eyed, retreating at the sound of continued shouting, she’d stand once more by Valerius as the two managed to keep their footing now side by side. Dismay, disbelief, and some cold acceptance was written on all their faces, but that was the end of it. Shuffling out into the open air once more, she drank in a grateful breath as the sun hit her face again.

They were free to go.
But of course that’s when Kathea turns to Valerius out in the open grounds with a demand, breaking her stoicism to finally ask him. So many gazes set upon her as they witnessed what was to transpire…

"Why?"

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Epilogue

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth Theme


"Why?"

"You have seen the beyond, and then returned… is it not obvious?" Laughter coming from Valerius, but followed by a draining cough as a reflex from the trauma just endured not but moments before.

Wincing at the trouble in his breathing, partly also from his laughter she strains to focus on him for the similar effect. "No… it isn’t."

One could visibly see him drink in a deeper breath, collecting himself. "…Some people are worth dying for in the end." What was clear to everyone around her still eluded Kathea.

A forlorn gaze was cast, proud, content, "…Always have you and the first generation stood at my side. No questions, only results."

Looking to Kathea then, "And you cared for them and I… in your own ways then. When you all left, I was the only one." Memories stirred in her of the small and large moments from those early days. The squabbling, the missions, the dreams of an empire all their own. And those smaller moments of ensuring his tea was served on time. But then she started to remember the truth of it, the fading numbers until it was down to two. Then…

"I realized then what Revan spoke of… to abandon your loved ones and allies… is worse than any evil in the land." Allowing himself the time to rest his eyes, collecting his strength once more to restrain the cough.

The guilt swallowed her up inside, but with the connection now severed there was no storm to be had, only tears as Kathea held her hands to her face sobbing. Just a simple raw little emotion she needed to move past, but it made her barely able to look upon him further. The other Jedi witnessing what was unfurling before them.

She’d start to apologize, feeling her stomach turn all the more in her vulnerable and weakened new state. But the former Lord of the Sith addressed her, facing her.

"You needed to see and understand, as the others who left, died, suffered, and lived. It is how you gain eyes like Revan’s. To have seen oblivion, and then to return from it. Then still have the heart to take it anew."

This did not seem to quell her tears completely though. "I wouldn’t be who I am without you."

His head canted softly, shaking gently, "More credit is deserved on your end. You carried the blade. Struck the blow. Tasted many emotions. There is no more you need to do…" A strange knowledge lingering in those words, given how distant and yet attentive he was it seemed Valerius was in connection with Kathea, far more than she had ever realized.

"There is no more reason to fear, for you have kneeled before the Devil and looked her in the eyes. There is no oblivion, if you scorn its gaze." The voice she’d longed for an entire year to hear again finding purchase on her heart and senses, calming her down. He’d missed her, but he’d forgiven her if there was indeed anything to be forgiven for. And as their gazes met she could read this pride in his expression as the regret melted away to nothing, just like that.


"What will you do, now?"

"We will go west… to the unknown side of the galaxy." Simply stated, matter of factlly.

"We?" The slow blink on the small woman’s expression as the situation continued to dawn on her. A sort of clueless charm to the one who carried so many secrets, so much knowledge.

"We can still make discoveries, Kathea. Find new ways to delve into the great beyond." A warmth in Valerius’ gaze and tone.

"You didn’t think he was just gonna leave you after this, did you?" A bemused chuckle came from another Knight.

"Our story need not end here, haha!" The scoundrel, he had known more than he was letting on!


"Will we ever see you again?"

Kathea interjected this time, finding her voice again. "I don’t… think we’ll be coming back again. I came here hoping to make changes, hoping to understand the ways that people and lives were connected, trying to influence so much all because of this conflict, these wars."

"And now. You don’t need me anymore!" There was this chipper and wild little laugh as the reality was aired out. She had no need to be bitter over the separation as the peace she still held in her heart, in spite of the severing, allowing her to see that all things now came full circle.

"He does." A nod was given to the severed Sith Lord, still lagging in his strength and posture a bit.

There was a pause at this, Valerius trying to reassure that perhaps one day they might meet again as the Force might will it. Yet in the depths of her being Kathea had no wish to consider returning, not anymore. The sector had its fill of them both, their strength had no doubt influenced the course of the war, but the Force had already showed her that Malak was not her battle in the end to fight. Her devotion was to see him safe now with this price that was paid, and freedom earned.

To see him reduced to a mere man alongside herself was humbling, never in all her dreams could she have expected him to do such. To stand beside her, to face the end with her. Yet in spite of this moment’s waning weakness, she knew such would pass and a new normal would form for them. Though she knew without the darkness to sustain him there could be complications which she was all too willing to help him manage.

Now the Jedi were able to see what she had known was hidden within the man. A few stray comments of “Ah so this is why Kathea is like this” met with resounding chuckles and warm laughter, but his regal nature coupled with that heart that so few understood was on full display for them now.


"I gave it all up, because I need what is ‘here’ more than there." Attentions divided, there were arms and affection swarming around the small former Jedi, comforting her, reassuring her. She was missed, she would not be allowed to leave believing otherwise. Beginning the process of unburdening herself of the things she’d accrued in her time over the years now.

"May you find your peace." Her former Padawan issued as a tender farewell.

Kathea must’ve been focused on another person, so many conversations at once that she didn’t notice Valerius’ gaze on her. "I already have."


Sunlight crests through the last vestiges of frost that melt and slip from the branches previously held. The longer darkness yielding into lengthening days, as winter fades and passes into spring. Heat of the body catches the rays, as clouds of breath filter out. One sought another.

Howling unto countless evenings, growing ever closer as the sound is followed. A pelt of snow white and ebon darkness breaking through the foliage in a feverish pace. In place of a hunt their pursuit was one another. Driven apart, the pack reunites at long last. Change making them distinct, but they would ever be of the same kind, the same blood. Two relics of an Empire that was never realized, complete together. A home no matter where they went.

There can never be Two where there is One // Separation is Illusion, all things are unified // Destruction is an illusion, all things change form Time is an illusion, all things exist simultaneously In understanding myself, there is healing // In embracing myself, there is wholeness.
Words of a departed Fatereader would ring.


The last of the cargo loaded and coordinates set to head for the Unknown, there would be the ability to communicate at least with this final turn of events. Though they would always be ever afar, well out of Malak’s reach. No more need to hide any longer, no more need to be around anyone than who they wished to be.

Carrying the experiences, the wisdom, knowledge of these heavy years along with her it was time for Kathea to depart Viscara. The crystals buried beneath the surface singing their hidden chorus, a final sonata as their paths diverged for the last time, though forever joined in the melody of the Force. Somewhere in the forests rose a distant sound, as if a thousand weasels all cry out at once.

One day I hope they will remember to forgive, to let softness back into their hearts.

It seemed much like her vision within the mirror in her test of spirit, she’d managed to save Valerius as she vowed. Though it demanded everything she could ever give it was a promise kept, a destiny complete.

Upon a shelf she passed towards the helm rested two lightsabers rested upon stands. One from her time as a Jedi “Hope’s Light”, and Valerius’ own regal Sith saber “Blade of the God-King”. Next to these was a fresh helm of Beskar custom made for Kathea. Colored with orange and white, wings of cyan and deep green are stenciled along its flanks to appear as if in flight, with the name “Da’trabur” inscribed.

There was also a small, coin-shaped piece of metal, handmade. Upon its surface, she could see a symbol of the Jedi Order and small letters of Aurebesh, “Knight-Captain” and on the other side an etching of the Tythonian Giant Hawk. Upon the back panel were so many pictures, so many faces. Small pieces as a reminder of the life lived and lives touched.

Perhaps in time others might join them, but for the moment it was just them. A severed Sith and a severed Jedi leaving behind the suffering of war to those they knew would forge a path unto the future.
"Mrrrrroww?" Oh yes, and of course their orange cat too.

Finally, truly free. To live out the rest of their days in peace, together.

"May the Force grant your wishes~" The theatrical masked Sith taking a bow before fluttering off into the Force once more.


The End


Closing song - Stay Alive by Hidden Citizens


// It’s been over two (plus) wonderful years that this character has persisted and evolved alongside so many of your own stories. Kathea may be gone afar, but she (and I) will never forget any of you. I’ll be on Discord as always.

Of course a special thanks goes out to Zunath for the server and its updates and the DMs as well who helped make so many magical moments happen over the course of her story. Truly you enable such amazing things.

Remember to be good to one another, and may the Force be with you.
Happy gaming here on SWLOR!

image_2024-02-12_073628669

~ Good times. Thank you all. ~

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