Sandra Mana: Broken


#1

Sandra returns to her little apartment and drops her bag in the middle of the room. Her mind wanders to where she was burying Varrec in the crystal caves in his unmarked grave where he enjoyed the water and light of the massive crystal. She bends over to cry again and screams loud enough to fill the room.

“…I adored you…”

Sandra takes out the war-worn lightsaber she received from Seela and looks on it with a broken heart and mind. It was also dirty. She did not have the courage to turn it on.

“…I learned from you…and you saved me.”

Her mind replays the vision of Varrec and Tara fighting the powerful ancient sith. Tara’s death playing in her mind along with Varrec falling from the tower right infront of her. Her gaze became dizzy and her soul ached like how her previous Master died. This scene she replayed in her mind…


There is a sound of ships firing cannons and comms all lit up. A 15 year old Sandra is firing a blaster over some metal crates as their ship is invaded by Mandalorians. Her master dances between Mandalorians and Republic soldiers support the madness aboard their own ship.

After what feels like hours, but it is over. Sandra and her master reunite.

“That was um…not good.”

“Yes, Sandra. This is the second battle you have been with me on, but you have a good mind. I am happy to have you with me, though running off in secret is not well.”

“…I need to be with you, Master. We are a team, remember…?”

“Yes…we are always a team. You know that I am proud of you, yes?”

“Why um…do you need to say embarrassing things…”

“I need to praise my student sometimes!”
He pats her head and she folds her arms

“Where will we go next…?”

“Mandalor, but first, I need to show you something.”

Sandra’s Master leads her to an a small ship. Her Master’s

“Sandra, I left something on the ship for you. Retrieve it for me.”

“Yes, Master.”
Sandra boards the ship, but it closes suddenly and she runs to the window where her Master smiles gently to her

“M-Master, what is the meaning of this?! Do not play…open the ship.”

“My dear, Sandra. You cannot follow me. Where I go is not a place for the young and bright. You have a future.”

“But we are a t-team! I cannot abandon you! Please!”

“If the Jedi found out you came here, they will remove you. Go home. Besides, we will always be a team. Because the Force is forever and everywhere.”

“I do not want the force! I want YOU!!!”

“Sandra…you were the best thing to happen to me. Such a fine Padawan I had the fortune to be stumbled upon. I am honored to have been your master.”

Sandra screams and slams her hands against the glass
“N-no…! Do not become so serious! Simply l-let me out and I will join you. It will be easy or…or you can return home with me!”

“Forgive me, Sandra. Someone must fight for the future, but someone must remain for there to be a future. Besides, I am invincible.~”

He winks and the ship begins to move away. Sandra screams and cries as her master slowly grows smaller in the window. Her world…where she is all alone on that ship

“AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!”


Sandra cries loudly in her little room, like the ship she was on as it autopilot to Coursuant. Her mind was filled with confusion. Then her mind became filled with Rage as she imagined the people she knew cutting down Varrec. She grew angry with everyone, everything, anything as she rose and began slashing everything in her room with her lightsaber

“I hate all of you!!! You were all suppose to help him!!! I was suppose to help him!!! He was lost and lonely and they killed him…they…”

Sandra just drops her lightsabers and cries out

“Monsters…they are. I cannot…breathe. I want to be alone. I only want to disappear. I want to just vanish forever. I do not care!!! AHHHHH!!! I DO NOT CARE! Just…they should kill me too…”

Sandra falls to her knees as the image of her former master and Varrec play in her mind. And she just stares at the two dirty lightsabers on the floor. They lay unstill and alone as Sandra becomes lost in her void


#2

Sandra sits in her small and quiet room with a blaster in her hand. The sleek blaster that was designed just for her by a traveling artist. She looks on its reflective gleam and thinks aloud

"I was invited to Seela’s ship today and I was excited. I found her in the field and we walked to her ship. The blaster in my hand was growing hot. My hand was almost eager to raise it, but I did not.

We were on her ship and we spoke for a while about her feelings. Yet, I do not think I cared, but my body proved I was wrong. I had my blaster in hand and pointed it at her, yet I did not shoot her. I do not understand why! Was it because she was crying? Was it because she was in deep regret? Was it because I understood her situation? I hate that I could not do it."

Sandra sets the blaster on the table and crosses her legs after flattening her skirt. A hand runs up her legs as they both sit politely on her knee.

“When she told me about Althea, I think I was over excited, because I feel that would be punishment enough. I know that Varrec made trouble, but I wanted him alive. Maybe he could have freeded some issues up with the Director’s death, who knows. It does not matter now.”

“At least with Seela a broken mess and Althea a forsaken sack…I can let my feelings of revenge and hate simmer down to some degree. I hope my words ring with her for eternity. And that they taint Althea and those who let him die.”

"Aside from that. Iradtoki, Sylia, Master Nuella, Zain, the Chiss pair, and more have been…oddly supportive, despite my not really caring for them much. I do not understand what I have done to earn their kindness. Why? Would they feel the same knowing I wanted to kill Seela and Althea? Would they be so kind if they know that has all I have thought of for the time since Varrec spattered right infront of my face as I approached the Tower?! "

“Still more so…i need to resolve this matter at Czerka and Duskhaven. I think I should approach the Republic base for help. Also, I need to find a way to reach Artemis also. I am having difficulty controlling the cloaking now as I want to vanish too much. I am fearful I will disappear for longer periods.”

Sandra sighs in frustration and leans back against the wooden chair. Her anger spiking again, but with some breaths, she reduces it some.

"So much rage.
I wake up crying.
I find suddenly I have spikes of Anxiety.
I do not find hunger often lately.
I have not interest in making anything lately.
I know Artemis has let me know my place, but why do I feel so useless despite knowing that I will be far from it?
And I am having trouble keeping Meditation.

“I think I may have developed some sort of mental issue.
I must think of a way to address it. My rage reduced when I was close to trying to kill Seela. Maybe that release of pure rage on her helped. It took me years to finally be able to accept a new Master. How long will it take for me to…be free of the hate and rage?”

“I do not feel like myself…”

she closes her eyes and sits in the dark for the rest of the day