Late into the day, the call finally came, she stopped her swing mid step as she took a breath. Turning off the Training foil she hesitated only the brief second before answering it
(Vrake) Initiate. The Council on Dantooine has made its decision regarding your breach of oath. Hear our words. We Jedi make promises to the Force and we must honor it as we honor the Force, but there must also be fairness in our punishments.
(Silvia) Yes Master. I know. I am willing to accept whatever …swallows a moment Whatever consequences the Order deems is appropriate.
(Vrake) nods firmly You will retain your status as an Initiate, and will continue your training, but only after you have completed your penance. To this, you will spend the next two days in fasted meditation. The first day will be upside down on one hand, focused on your failures and how you can prevent such mistakes in the future. The second day, you will sit, and you will meditate on how such vices effect the mind and body, both long term and short. How a lack of awareness not only puts yourself, but those around you in danger. Once this is completed, you may return to your training and duties.
(Silvia) Bows her head, a light breath of relief as she accepts the penance humbly, watching as he disconnects, leaving her to complete her penance
Taking a breath she walks to the back, still in view of Master Koll, undoing the sash of her robes and gently hanging them from the nearby tree, taking a breath she steels her will and takes a one armed handstand, her shirt held by her belt to prevent any…unfortunate mishaps as she keeps her eyes closed, using the force to hold her in place as she slowly breaths, letting her mind go over the events that transpired that night, her failures to even check the drink to be sure it was not in breach of her oaths. Not double checking that Corbin understood. Blind trust. It was one thing to trust her brother, it was another to put in blind faith.
Around mid day her stomach grumbles, the wind pushing at her as it starts to rain, yet she does not move. Stoically staying in place as she focuses, obedient to the will of the Masters and the Council of Dantooine. Hunger would pass, strain and pain from holding this pose too would pass. Over and over she replayed the night it happened, asking her if she trusted him, her agreement, him ordering the drinks and giving it to her, telling her to drink, not for a second checking the drink before sipping from it, how it would have been very different if she had but simply checked it first, but no, blindly trusting in Corbin, not even considering risks, she had drank from the cup, and in that moment breached her oaths. No matter if he knew or not, she had failed her oaths, no one else. She could not blame him for her failures. That was the true lessons in all of this. She had held blind faith in trusting Corbin, which trusting him was not the issue, it was the blind trust, and not double checking everything herself to be sure it upheld to her oaths that was the problem
Night fell on the temple, and still she had not moved, she was soaked from the constant rain fall, cold and starving now, yet she did not move from her spot. Easily in view of Master Koll who could monitor her progress as she focused inward, trusting the force to keep her steady and devoted to her penance. Long into the night she stayed, only before dawn does the rain stop and the sun peak out over the cliffs. With its rise do her eyes open and her balance finally shift, though not far. Instead now she sits exactly where she had been doing a handstand mere minutes beforehand, sitting cross legged, she rests her hands folded before her, her foil in her lap as she focuses inward again.
Alcohol, the vice that destroys while giving the illusion of removing pain and issues. It is a poison that grabs hold of the user, invisible yet powerful, destroyers of homes, families, lives. Like anything in moderation it could be enjoyed with minimal risks, yet the actual danger is invisible to the eye. The addiction that hurts so many. Addiction is the gateway to self destruction. Surrendering the best parts of ourselves to the vices that grip our souls. Soon with such we begin losing ourselves, feeding the addiction in any way possible, stealing, lying, deceiving. Far too easy is it to become lost to the darkness of addiction with what would appear to be no light at the end of the tunnel before it consumes us.
Her stomach growls loudly at mid day, though again she has not moved, focused inward as she considers the consequences, though by afternoon her thoughts shift again, her lack of being aware had caused so much trouble, not only for her but for Corbin, it distressed those around her like a very effective virus. It quickly sowed doubt, confusion and distrust. She had allowed it to create fear rather then learning directly from it. It the sith had chose a moment to strike, it would have been then, the distrust put others on edge, put Corbin in a position of distrust and left her feeling distressed, scared and unsure of her future. Had she been more aware of her reality, none of this would have happened. She had endangered her brothers and sisters, in blind trust, not focusing on her surroundings and not double checking things. She could trust Corbin, but that trust should not be blind. He did not ask her to follow blindly, only that she trusted him with things. She had failed him just as much, in not considering her surroundings, in not checking the drink and just blindly drinking from it. For not ensuring he knew about her oaths.
Night fell once more as the rain again started, though she showed no sign of ever noticing it, her focus remained inward as she breathed through it all. Deeper into her mind did she sink, feeling the emotions of the last few days, fear, anger, distress, the nausea that held her all that night, the worry, the distrust. All these emotions had played a part in the consequences of her not being aware of her surroundings, and they were infectious. She saw some of it with Master Vrake with Tara and Corbin, and could not help but wonder if she had been responsible for at least part of it. How much damage did I do? My roll in all of this is far more clear now then it has been. We are all interconnected, and if we are not careful, we poison the love and trust between us all. All we can do is work together, support one another and help one another build upon our strengths and round out our weaknesses together. Only if we do this, can we hope to push back the darkness by being the light for others. So that we can guide them out of the darkness and into the light where they truly deserve to be.
As the sun touched the horizon, her eyes opened once more, a soft smile touching her lips as she watched it. Allowing its radiance to wash over her and remove the darkness from her heart that had sat for far too long. A slow breath escaped her. A day of beauty stood before her, the weight of the fears and doubts gone as she slowly stood once more, attaching her sash into place she looked up to Master Koll and bowed to him in respect, unsure if he had been there the entire time, or had come and gone many times. Yet she was content, and for the first time in a long time, there was no rush to anything. Her plans for the moment were simple. Go shower and clean up, a hot meal, then some deserved sleep. Even that would be a chance of reflection. She could only smile once more as she headed out towards the Dorm. The dawn glowing behind her as if welcoming her to a new day.
//All parts with Master Vrake have been pre-approved by DM Athena
