Aedan Terallis: Reflection

Aedan laid awake in his bed, staring at the ceiling of the empty room. He was still getting used to the new house and its size, but he was quickly warming up to it. He remained there for a while, pensive as he went through his thoughts. Things that were spoken of the previous night, along with all that came with it. He took comfort in it all as he smiled.

His mind moved back even further, then, reflecting on things as he often did. His arrival on Viscara some months back, those he’d met along the way, the bonds he made, the struggles he encountered, and so on. He had grown far more than he had ever expected in only the few months since he had arrived. How he had gone from a smartass, wookiee-raised human with a faulty cybernetic eye, into someone legitimately able to call themselves a Jedi. He was still without a proper master, but he continued to take solace in the teachings he recieved from his mentor.

He let out a sigh as he finally decided to get up from his bed to get dressed. He wandered out to the rather empty house, looking about at the lack of furnishing and proper lighting. For the moment, however, he ignored the emptiness of it all and just went to take a seat in the middle of the floor to meditate. His mind then continued to reflect on the past as he would continue to move towards the future.

He had gone through a great deal to get where he is. Suffering through a lot of inner conflict and struggle with his emotions as he grasped everything he needed. The thoughts of having been so obsessed in certain things, his pride in more things than one, and his overall stubbornness. The points where he questioned so much about himself, lost his way for a while, before then finding it once more. But never alone in any of it. He had overcome much of his own self and continued to do so, for he knew no one ever truly masters their own self. All he could do was continue to better himself through everything. Learning from past failures to push forward.

But still, it wasn’t anything he could do alone. He was the only one who could make his own decisions, but without those he carried bonds with, he would’ve likely fallen apart long ago. It was then he thought of his own guiding light. The brightest light that guided him through it all, and continued to do so.

It was then that his mind moved to reflect on what he had learned about the Force and the Code as a whole.

“The Jedi are still people, after all. Despite what many would think, they are not without emotion, chaos, or otherwise. But despite the literal meaning of the Code, harmony and balance was what truly made the Jedi what they are. Emotion could still exist while remaining at peace, through proper control and not letting it influence you when needed. Brief moments of ignorance could exist, so long as it becomes balanced by learning from the mistakes and gaining the knowledge for it. Passion could exist in moderation while remaining calm and serene through control. Chaos will always exist as a Jedi must always face what makes them human, but can still bring this into balance by bringing harmony through what they feel and what they do. And at the end of it all, everyone dies, but it’s only our bodies that do. Death is only the beginning of a much larger adventure, as we become one with the Force.”

He knew, however, that he could fully understand all of this, and say it over and over, but it still meant nothing without proper action on it. He knew he had to continue his training, moving further into the future as he continued to better himself and gain control. He still had much to learn, and that would never end. But he was determined in all of it, for more reasons than one. But he was not perfect, nor would he ever be perfect.

His mind wandered yet again to the brightest light in the starlit sky among his thoughts. He then opened his eyes calmly and smiled.


Kneeling down on the mat he had placed in his home, Aedan closed his eyes and slowly slipped into a meditation. Events of the previous few days moved before him as he recalled what happened, again. The dark alley, the visions, the white room, and while he still couldn’t remember the details aside from what he learned from others, his own imagination still put together his attempted murder of someone he had come to care about. Like he could feel the lightsaber gripped in his hand as the blade pierced through her. No memory, but he still felt it.

Smaller objects in the room around him began to rattle through his growing emotions. He took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he attempted to calm himself and shift his mind elsewhere. After a few moments, the rattling stopped as he focused more on the calming warmth in his pocket. Eyes still closed in his meditation, the brilliant, faintly glowing yellow crystal moved out of his pocket and began to levitate before him.

It was the crystal of his primary lightsaber. The lightsaber used to cause the injury that pained his mind. The lightsaber used to hurt his friend. But it still carried such a calm warmth to it, mixed with the light infused within it. A Jedi had a strong connection with their lightsaber, but the changes done to this made him feel more calm even than he had before. The powerful connection he had, through the Force, with the crystal. It hovered before him, rotating slowly, as he continued his meditation.

His mind moved to his usual location of calm, now. The vast ocean of stars overtook the darkness with its beauty. Countless millions or billions of stars, all representing parts of his own mind. Memories, friends, loved ones, alternate pasts, potential futures, and so forth. All things that happened within his mind, yet most that weren’t even conscious. Some of the stars were brighter. Others were barely visible. He still felt the calming warmth of the crystal as he gazed around at it all, searching as he often did.

The bright star he had come to take comfort in. It was still in the place he knew, but something troubled him about it. He knew doubts had developed in his mind with all he’d been through. The constant consideration over insight and advice given by those he was closest to. Those he felt trust towards. The light was still brighter than the other stars, but he couldn’t help but feel it wasn’t as brilliant as it had been. And there, too… was a second, bright green in its brilliance.

He then opened his eyes, calmly staring at the yellow crystal before him. His expression was calm, and he still felt as calm as he appeared. He reached out to take the crystal, looking it over in his hand for a long moment. He placed it away and got up to head back out. The last thought in his mind, as he paused in the doorway, was a familiar face smiling back at him.