The blaster shot slammed into the pedestal just before Aedan quickly powered on his yellow saber, striking a bit higher on the same one. He threw out his hand towards another pedestal in the training room he set up, moving it backwards across the floor, a fair amount. His speed suddenly grew as he launched forward at it, his blaster now holstered, as he had pulled out his blue saber in an instant. He stroke at the pedestal in a cross pattern with the two blades, leaving a deep, burned gouge in the surface.
Over the past couple days, he had been spending a lot of time focusing on his technique in the forms he knew, both through the training room and out in the field. Despite the time spend, he didn’t feel at all tired. But following this particular session, he took a moment to catch his breath and calm down a little. He knew what was bothering him, what he continually meditated over, what he needed to figure out. It frustrated him perhaps more than he was willing to admit, but he still knew he couldn’t let it affect anything he would actually do, that mattered.
Leaving the room, the red glow of his new cybernetic eye shifted to the neutral blue glow as he moved to kneel before the small meditation stand he set up, in his house. He set his two lightsabers in front of him, on the stand, and closed his eyes. As usual, the first thing he saw was simply the darkness of the back of his lids. But after only a moment, it all lit up with a sea of stars, indicating the many thoughts in his mind. Not all that were perhaps known to him, and many that were simply memories. Others carried the symbolism of people he had met, those he considered friends, and otherwise. Even he couldn’t really say what they all were, as they felt near infinite just as the stars in space.
As was often the case, however, there was the one star that lit up with brightness. The one guiding light through his mind. He focused on it, embracing its glow and warmth, as his mind went over everything that had happened over the past couple days. But more-so the events of the previous night. The words said to him, to make him think deeply about, compounded with the cryptic words said to him only days before. The faint worries in the back of his mind that had only grown with last night’s guidance, from Hohenfel. He didn’t know what to do, and there was no one he could properly talk to about any of it.
He knew Hohenfel was right in all that he said, but even so, his mind couldn’t shake all that he had gone through. His thoughts, his feelings, his fears, all of it. He knew more than anything what he had to do. His own knowledge of the code, and how focused he was on getting through it. He still had much to learn, but he at least knew that. He knew how he truly felt, how deeply he cares, how it all could affect him, but he would continue to improve. He could grow stronger in his control and carry the balance he truly needs in it all.
“I can’t abandon all I’ve been through, but I can’t ignore what was said. I feel so… lost…”
He continued to focus on the bright light in the sea of stars, within his mind. For what felt like hours, but perhaps were only minutes, he watched the beautiful glow. The brightness never wavered even once through it all as he reflected on all he had been through, again. And then all sorts of senarios for the future. The good and the bad. All things that could potentially happen through this and many other things. His active mind just wandered through it all, before he finally opened his eyes.
A tear rolled down from his left eye as the glow of his right shifted between a few colours, before settling on a soft violet shade. He just looked down at stared quietly at the lightsabers before him, carrying his rather neutral expression despite the evidence of his troubles moving down the side of his face. He then took in a deep breath, pulled his helmet back on, and grabbed his lightsabers, before heading out for a walk.