Aizha - Journal and Thoughts

Aizha walks into the room and sits by the bed, she lets out a short sigh while holding her head between her hands, thinking out loud.

“I can still hear her voice… and that horrible laugh of hers. I can’t make it stop. She knows, I’m sure she knows!..” She leans back on the bed, covering her ears. “Why won’t you shut-up! I don’t want any part of this, things were starting to look good, Mart even said he’d guide me to a Jedi, someone who could properly help me.” She takes a deep breath, rolls on her side and kicks her boots off before shutting her eyes for a restless night.

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Aizha is sitting on the side of the bed, her armor completely soaked by the rain rests on the floor trailing from the door. HoloRecorder in hand, she speaks calmly.

“I spoke with one of her followers today, one of the black fashion squad twins.” Sighs. “I was expecting some hostility, or at least some heavy staring… Turns out, she was actually pretty sweet…”

Beep… “Add note: She might have been lying, thread lightly.”

Beep… “Regardless, she seems particularly fond of gardens and would like to start one in the colony for all to enjoy, can’t argue with that.” She takes a moment to think.

“I asked her about Shade, asked her why she was following her around and told her to be careful…” Sighs.

“She got defensive, saying that Shade did nothing but help them and offered training, asking me what was wrong about that… She is right; there is nothing wrong with it, if anything, the twins are as lost and confused as I am… Mart keep telling me to stay clear of Shade and her -darkness-, I trust him of course, but what if he is wrong? He is no Jedi after all… What if she could–… No, never mind, Mart has been nothing but kind to me.”

Beep… “Delete last sentence and stop recording.”

Aizha places the recorder on the nearby table and curls up under the sheet, hands covering her ears trying in vain to silence the whispers.

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Entry 003

As she finishes a meditation session – her back against the scorched bark of a tree in the mountaintops—Aizha switches on the voice recording device on her wristpad.

“I have been meditating on what Beryn said over several days now. I cannot wrap my head around some of it… Why the need to detach ourselves from our emotions? Why does it /have/ to lead to the dark side…? Something doesn’t feel right… How is there any form of enjoyment to life if we cannot feel it to its full extent? If becoming a Jedi means leaving behind who we are and becoming this empty shell… I don’t think I can go through with it…”

She sighs deeply and pauses for a moment.

“While the daily training with Mart, V and Ki has proven a great help in both understanding and control of these abilities, I fear I won’t be able to improve much more, not without proper training that is… And yet, I can still feel this untapped, boiling energy within. I’ll have to ask Beryn about this when I’ll next see him… Or someone else, if I can find any.”

She turns switches off the device and keeps her back against the tree for moment before heading back towards the colony.

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