Callista Selkin: Stifling Grey

[Announcer]

Read Part 1 Here

Part 2

Mood Music: A Song for Milly Michaelson

Onderon, the summer home of the Kira family.

Callista lay in bed, staring at the ceiling above but seeing only the colors of her own restless mind. The edges of her vision tinged with the faint, velvet white noise of the lapping waves outside, the gentle cerulean streaks of Sandra’s sleeping breath beside her, each tiny sound the redhead made creating a swell of joyous, adoring pink in the swirls overhead.

Those flashes of utter love were invariably chased by whorls of dreadful, nauseating fear. Shocks of viciously imagined anguish. Creeping, whispering shadows.

Something was coming, and she could feel it. Something terrible.

Sandra seemed to realize it too, and yet… she seemed so at peace with it. Callista was willing to accept it too, at one point. So why couldn’t she now…?

One hand drifted up into the ethereal flow, and the ring on her finger caught the moonlight from the window ever so slightly. She heard it again, her beloved’s voice…

Callista Mana…

She sighed ever so softly, and gently pulled herself out of bed. Her bare feet padded quietly on the smooth floor. From where they sat on the chair nearby, she grabbed the undermost layer of her robes and carried them out with her…

---

What once was velvet white noise was now a loud, grey-red rush over the world with every wave that struck the shore. The smell of the ocean air was strong down here, night wind blowing at Callista’s hair and undertunic. She stared along the beach while she stretched.

What am I doing out here…?

The thought stung her for only a moment before the next wave splashed. Her teeth gritted together and her lightsaber snapped into her hand from its magnetic lock-point on her belt.

A breath in. One, two, three.

She bent low, blade ready.

Hold. One, two, three.

A lunge forward, and then a second step with intense focus to launch herself forward at immense speed. Vwoorm-SLASH!

Out. One, two, three.

She stood again, a furrow in the sand between where she was and where she’d started.

Not far enough, she thought. Not fast enough, either. Again.

Over and over and over, she practiced the maneuver that Sandra’s master had called the Dash ‘n’ Gash. Time and again she would falter, or stop short, or go staggering past her intended endpoint. A few times she tripped to stumble down into the sand.

Keep trying.

Again. Again. Again. A little better each try. If she kept practicing, she could start it up faster, actually incorporate it into use. Adapt it for Juyo, maybe.

Minutes turned to hours. She mixed in sessions of Juyo, trying to best her own worries but unable to take hold of them.

“𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕕𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖?” that colorless whisper again, creeping at the threshold of her mind.

Callista stopped, and stood, looking around. There, in the shadows of the beachside cliffs…

She was faint, barely taking shape out of the guilt and frustration… It was H̢̯̻̜̬͕̳e̹͠r͙͢ͅ.

Callista frowned and forced her gaze forward again. She didn’t bother to respond, opting instead to keep up her practice. Another attempt. Then seven more.

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕨𝕠𝕟’𝕥 𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕡 𝕚𝕥, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨.

The Jedi Knight grimaced silently, her grip tightening around her hilt. I have to try something.

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕𝕟’𝕥 𝕓𝕖 𝕤𝕠 𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗𝕚𝕤𝕙. 𝕊𝕙𝕖’𝕤 𝕒𝕔𝕔𝕖𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕚𝕥. 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕥𝕠𝕠.

“S͝hu҉t̷ u̢p!̛” an upset bark escaped Callista as she ducked down and launched ahead into another go at the Dash ‘n’ Gash. Her extra step propelled her far, her lightsaber snapped across in front of her like golden lightning. “How can I? Why should I just lie down and take it? If I can stop Nephthyra, then-”

“𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕡 ℕ𝕖𝕡𝕙𝕥𝕙𝕪𝕣𝕒? 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕔𝕒𝕟’𝕥. 𝕐𝕠𝕦’𝕝𝕝 𝕟𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕓𝕖 𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕚𝕥.” The colors of the hazy figure flashed violet-red as she materialized directly in front of Callista now. “ℕ𝕒𝕞𝕖 𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕊𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕪𝕠𝕦’𝕧𝕖 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕗𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕠𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕠𝕨𝕟. ℕ𝕒𝕞𝕖 𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕗𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦’𝕧𝕖 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕨𝕠𝕟 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕄𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕠𝕣 𝕊𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕣𝕒 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕕.”

“I-…” Callista shrank back. Her eyes began to water.

“𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕔𝕒𝕟’𝕥. 𝔹𝕖𝕔𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕚𝕥 𝕙𝕒𝕤𝕟’𝕥 𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕕. 𝔹𝕖𝕔𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦’𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕖𝕒𝕜, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕚𝕥, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 ℕ𝕖𝕡𝕙𝕥𝕙𝕪𝕣𝕒 𝕚𝕤 𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦’𝕧𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕓𝕖𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖. 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕔𝕒𝕟’𝕥 𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕡 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥’𝕤 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕘.”

“…Yes I can… she and I are supposed to save the galaxy together… I’m supposed to save her!” Her lightsaber dragged in the sand, burning a molten crevice of glass as Callista yelled back at the specter of her inner demons. “It can’t end like that! I’ve been trying so hard to save her… even before I-… I…”

“𝔹𝕖𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕖 𝕗𝕖𝕝𝕝 𝕚𝕟 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕙𝕖𝕣,” the figment finished for her, taking clearer form now. While her face remained blank and hollow, her eyes now held not just hate, but… pain. Sadness.

“𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕖 𝕕𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖…?” She echoed. The whisper was louder now. It was timorous, aching with indignant longing. “𝕎𝕙𝕪 𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕟’𝕥 𝕨𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖, 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕙𝕖𝕣? 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕚𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕤 𝕤𝕞𝕖𝕝𝕝 𝕠𝕗 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕙𝕒𝕚𝕣 𝕨𝕖 𝕔𝕒𝕟’𝕥 𝕘𝕖𝕥 𝕖𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕠𝕗? 𝕊𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕤𝕠 𝕓𝕖𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕚𝕗𝕦𝕝 𝕨𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕖’𝕤 𝕤𝕝𝕖𝕖𝕡𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕦𝕤 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕤𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕚𝕥. 𝕆𝕦𝕥 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖, 𝕨𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕕.”

Callista’s eyes streamed with tears, and she weakly turned off her lightsaber. Looking up at her shadowier self, she saw that Her eyes were crying, too.

“𝕎𝕖 𝕨𝕠𝕟’𝕥 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣. 𝕊𝕠 𝕨𝕙𝕪? 𝕎𝕙𝕪 𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕟’𝕥 𝕨𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣-𝕗𝕝𝕒𝕣𝕖?”

Waves of guilt and self-chastising anger, flaring across the extension of her own aura that was this manifestation. Callista’s throat felt sore, and she reached up to feel at it – the usual covering ribbon gone, baring her scars.

…I don’t know… she admitted to herself, even her mental voice now small and meek.

With a slow, shaky sigh, Callista turned and leapt up the cliffside toward the house, her eyes locked on the distant shimmer of Sandra’s presence waiting for her…

[Announcer]

-Part 3-

Mood Music: Short Letter

Heavy, smothering blankets of grief and guilt. The fear is mostly gone now, replaced with dull resignation and bitterness.

Tears stain her bruised, beaten face. One eye is swollen shut. Her robes burned and stained with blood. The ribbon was gone from around her neck, baring scars of the past underneath wounds of today.

Callista sits, motionless, staring without seeing across the cell she is trapped in — huddled in a corner. Meditation had proved difficult to maintain. Healing only seemed to dull the pain.

The physical pain didn’t bother her, really. She’d been beaten before, at least this badly. Wrull saw to that on Altapin…

Altapin.

“𝕀𝕥’𝕤 𝕗𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕚𝕒𝕣, 𝕚𝕤𝕟’𝕥 𝕚𝕥?” That spiritless, monotone whisper in her soul.

There She was. She stood over Callista, stock-still and with perfect posture as she faced the door. Her eyes wandered, like she was watching things moving through the solid metal. Stiffly, but with practiced grace, the phantasm turned and walked to the back wall, looking across the blank bulkhead surface.

“𝔼𝕩𝕔𝕖𝕡𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕨𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕟𝕠 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕝𝕜 𝕥𝕠 𝕕𝕣𝕒𝕨 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙.”

Callista just shut her eye, taking a painful, wheezing breath. The silence stretched on.

“ℍ𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕣𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨. 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕒𝕔𝕙𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕤 𝕓𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘. 𝔽𝕠𝕣 𝕦𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕙𝕖𝕣.”

The dark reflection’s face remained blank as ever, and she turned around, looking at Callista now.

“𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕒𝕦𝕝𝕥. 𝕀𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕒𝕕 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕖-”

Why would I ever listen to you? Callista finally answered in her head.

“𝔹𝕖𝕔𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕀 𝕙𝕖𝕝𝕡𝕖𝕕 𝕦𝕤 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕗𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤. 𝔹𝕖𝕔𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕣𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕚𝕤𝕙 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕞𝕖. 𝔹𝕖𝕔𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕕.”

Another long, silent pause, as Callista couldn’t bring herself to deny it.

“𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕤𝕒𝕚𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕝𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕙𝕖𝕣.” The bloodshot yellow eyes glared judgingly from the emotionless visage of her former self.

I… Callista shook her head and whimpered. I guess I was wrong.

“𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕞𝕒𝕪𝕓𝕖 𝕚𝕥’𝕤 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕀 𝕥𝕠𝕠𝕜 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕣𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕤 𝕒𝕘𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕒𝕗𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣. 𝕀𝕗 𝕨𝕖 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕚𝕥.”

[Announcer]

-Part 4-

Mood Music: Sociopath

Dac Medical Center, Mon Cala - Two Days Ago

Floating, weightless. The only light came dimly from above and the monitoring console behind the kolto tank Callista was hanging in, scattering rays through the bubbling kolto.

Callista hovered listlessly in the liquid, bubbles rising from her breath mask as she stared through the haze of color. Faintly, in the glass ahead of her, her reflection stared back…

“𝔽𝕒𝕚𝕝𝕦𝕣𝕖…”

Jedi Dormitories, Viscara - Last Night

Callista awakened again and stared up through the darkness to the ceiling. As ever, her view was interrupted by the shifting haze of her own emotions, mixing with the subtler flow of the planet itself.

“𝕀𝕥’𝕤 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕨𝕖- … 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕘𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞 𝕕𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟.”

Her head tilted to one side. There She was, sitting on the edge of the bed. Callista made no reply, just listening.

“𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕪 𝕗𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕦𝕤.”

[Announcer]

-Part 5-

Theme: Nature Girl

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn

Is just to love,

And be loved in return.

Shimmering fractal shards of immiscible pink and blue, reflecting tiny glimmers of white, of teal, of green. Little, fractional sparkles of brass-colored joy, born of the delightful chocolatey flavors from Silvia and Cordelia.

Callista stood quietly in the meditation room of the Aurora Star, eyes closed while her hand guided a brush across the canvas of one of the three easels set against the corner wall. It was a form of meditation she’d devised for herself but not used in some time – a sort of ‘automatic painting’.

‘She’ had been quiet for a while now, at least since getting the chance to show Herself somewhat to Callista’s students. And today, since taking the time to cook a meal, not to mention have a long talk with her mother, Callista was feeling closer to herself than she had in at least a week. Kelia’s words, in one of her typical motherly lectures, echoed to the young blonde…

Callista, whatever happens going forward, you must always remember this: you are richer for having loved. It was foolish, and irresponsible, and dangerous, yes – but love is always these things. Not just for Jedi, or for spies, or for anyone else who fancies themselves so important that they must not be distracted.

Love is pain, and sacrifice, and giving of yourself completely to someone, as I know you’ve now felt. Possibly the greatest joy life has to offer is to have that returned back to you. No matter what happens now, you have tasted of the proverbial fountain of youth. You have learned one of life’s greatest lessons firsthand, one that most Jedi never do, especially not so young.

Let Sandra be to you now as I am, and your brother, and your sister. A self-sufficient loved one. A wife, perhaps not, but being apart does not erase everything you went through together, everything you shared. It simply takes another form now. You have to re-learn the value of other forms of love. The love of friends, the love of companions, the love of life itself and the galaxy it lives in.

Carry on. Teach. Learn. It is clear now that the Force wills for you to be a Jedi, and I believe you can be a great one indeed just as Beryn foretold. You have many things still left that must sink in, but this has been your biggest challenge. And once it is fully past… you will have surpassed me, in the least.

Callista sighed quietly to herself, with a small smile. Her mother always seemed to know what to say, and how to say it. She lowered her hand and paintbrush, and gently opened her eyes.

[Announcer]

---

Scene Mood Music:

The Ancient Magus Bride

Splashing flows of wild colors, bright and coruscating and yet invisible to all other eyes, billowed like smoke around the young Jedi as she strolled through Viscara’s wildwoods alone. Morning light streamed down through the canopy overhead, a shower of gossamer golden threads stippling the underbrush in dancing pinpricks and warming her body.

She wore only the undermost layer of her robes this morning, a soft but sturdy maroon tunic resting smoothly across her petite frame. The leaves and grass gave barely a whisper. Her naked toes kissed the ground as she passed. The air was sweet with dew and sparkling with birdsong.

The Force was radiant today. Luminous and gentle like a diaphonous veil, it seemed to embrace Callista and the swaddling hues that made up her metaphysical self. For the first time in what felt like eternity, the two were as one, miscible and interchangeable. She finally felt at peace.

Her lips creased with a tranquil smile. Last night, she’d broken up with Sandra – that esoteric and beautiful star-flare amidst a sea of choking blackness – and despite the pain of it all, with it came a newfound clarity, a freeing comfort.

“You don’t need me… I don’t need you,” Callista stepped close and scooped Sandra up into her arms in a tight hug. Her breathy, small voice trembled with sorrow mixed with resolute, encouraged acceptance. “But we are each other…”

“Thank you, Sandy, my star-flare… we’re always together. We’re bonded, even through the Force.”

It was so strange, Callista remembered thinking nearly a year ago. The redhead she’d brought into her apartment, so knowledgable and mystifying, yet frightening in her own way, was until that point simply a mentor and a friend. A guide on Callista’s path. There was something about her, though, that Callista had felt inexorably drawn to, which initially she had not been able to place. It was not her body, or her power, or the aura of danger, no – it was her face, and the struggle that hid behind it. The expression she wore so rarely changed, yet her emerald eyes sometimes would sparkle like a child’s.

It brought a little giggle to the blonde, thinking back over the whole affair. How foolish they’d both been, together barely a year and engaged to be married twice over in that time. Addicted indeed to each other they’d been, struck with an infatuation so powerful. Yet who could blame them, truly? For Callista, it was her first love – so far, her only love, as true and pure of one as she could possibly imagine existing – and she had fallen into it like an inescapable pit of joy and adoration. She’d felt the need to help Sandra, to save her from the dangerously dark path she had been walking. Now it seemed that she’d been successful, and in the process forged an unbreakable connection. Two sides of the same coin, two stars in the same system. Red and gold, brave and bold, the greatest story never told…

The foundation of lies had long since crumbled, and she was at last done clinging to the fragments. Now, her attachment finally overcome, she could move on and focus more fully where her attention was needed. The rainbow wisps fluttered about her, and she crossed through a quiet glade with petals budding where she stepped.

A dash of delighted tranquility misting by in iridescent chartreuse.

She came to a stop at a brook, bare feet slipping into softly flowing water as she bent down at the edge to watch the tiny, swimming fish. A few seemed to follow her movements as she lazily waved a hand over the water, guiding them in circles and figure eights for just a moment. Their auras were tiny and simple, like blips of amber in the greenish water.

She – her other self, whose name Callista still refused to utter – had been quiet since last night, more so than ever, it felt. There were always whispers before, the tiniest of voices. Subtle, darkened patches in the Flow. Now, however, Callista could barely even feel that part of her. It was still there, and likely always would be, but for the foreseeable future Callista was in control. She didn’t need to pretend, to hide behind a smiling mask.

It all just seemed so much clearer. The mask had fallen away at last, its straps cut free. Her eyes glimmered and she smiled brightly, falling back to bathe in the morning glow and gaze up at the endless possibilities ahead of her. Just as Sania had predicted, she had fallen into a pool of grey, but now she was finally drying off and putting herself back together.

Everything was color now.

---

-Arc End-

Main Theme:

Juniper Vale - Everything is Color