Feya Delos - Logs, thoughts and memories

~~ Unsettled Believes ~~
Somewhere in the Viscaran wilds, outside Veles
~~

With a single foil ignited, holding it horizontally in front of her… feets planted firmly into the dirt and mud… Feya stood still, looking at the rain hissing at the contact of the blue energy blade.

She went into her usual Shi-cho stance, her mind focused briefly to use the force. She frowned a bit at that, but started her cadences at a swift speed.
Alternating an attack move then the mirrored defence to it, following the order : head, sides, back, legs.
Letting a soft sigh at the end of the katas, clearing focus and her usage of the force.

“Come on… it must feel natural.” She muttered to herself.

She went on again, enhancing herself by the force but trying to do it instinctively… without even thinking to “enable it” or stopping it.
Doing several series, Shi-cho then Ataru cadences, trying to vary her moves, until she goes into the Djem-So stance.

Foil held two handed in a high stance, Feya focused again but somewhat differently… losing herself a bit into thoughts.
After just two strikes, the grasp of the foil was reinforced with frustration. It wasn’t as fast as the previous strike, but more raw, more powerful.
It wasn’t an unusual feeling for the initiate, keeping doing katas… but her mind raced more and more.

Her frustration of the moment blended in with the ones of her chaotic thoughts…
Am I doing this right ? Are they right ? What’s the right way ?
Her moves were still focused… but a frown was visible on her face.
It’s so confusing… How can they trust so easily ? After what happened…
And the more she thought, the more she didn’t pay attention around her.
They have so many bonds… I am just still an outsiderIs it right ?!
Multiple other thoughts and questions went in circle in her mind… trying to seek answer and suppress at the same time

A loud smash, snapped Feya out of her mind.
The energy blade struck the side of a nearby tree… the bark and wood smashed with her force enhanced strength, the energy blade “stuck” a few centimeters into the wood, slowly forming a coat of carbon where it was…

She immediately, disabled her foil… looked at the tree paying attention that the wood wasn’t on fire.
Observing the scattered bark on the ground as it was something else to her, some memories flooding back then let out a deep sigh and shook her head…

“Of course I did that… That’s enough for today…” Talking to herself, seemingly disappointed.

Leaving the wilds under the still pouring rain, soaked.
Feya returned toward the colony to get, hopefully, a calming and untroubled rest…

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~~ Slow awakening ~~
Viscaran Jedi temple
~~

Legs crossed, back straight and taking regular deep breaths. Feya was near the edge of the cliff side of the temple, next to the stream of water that plunged into the sea.
Eyes closed, and focused, she was often here : meditating, resting or reflecting on events and/or thoughts.

The last troubled days aren’t an exception to these thoughts…Her mind is still chaotic as ever when it comes to thinking.
The first memory to surface was about a topic she spoke of not long ago…
Will I be able to handle that pressure ?I should focus on my own training
She quickly suppressed this one, already calmed earlier by sharing it and writing about it.
Maybe it’s the way to cope with it, even if it doesn’t “fix” it but many challenges are still ahead. Perhaps harder with her own view of the code and past.

Then there were the last events, the entity, the spirit… Even if she understood similarities to another living being, to sustain itself.
Something that fed off the living force of someone else didn’t feel right to Feya…
We offered to help, yesBut I didn’t expected thisThey prayed to it, offered themself to sustain itThen when starved, went “savage”, enraged, until been fed againAre all spirits like this ?

She sighed, opening her eyes, still confused on understanding of these force entities…
Feya watched the horizon, putting this question for later in the back of her mind… but as often with her, one thought will follow another immediately… Focusing on it once again.

With some exceptions, things are maybe getting better, people are more focused on training, to be together… Making her think again of bonds…
I still don’t understand the deepness of some of these bonds between them
But I started to have some againNot as strong as those I saw, I hope… I think
It feels good to know them and talk to them
She could empathize with them, understand the emotions, even if she still prevented herself from opening up and “sense” them with the force but she just slowly started coming back around on that.
Glad to share her burdens and thoughts with some, glad to talk, spend time or even just see them being well. It could help her and she could help them…

“Feeling well again ?” A soft feminine voice said, interrupting her thoughts.
She tilted her head in confusion hearing these words… She opened up her eyes, but to just see another horizon, made of shadows moving around and a fire like sky. Just seeing up to two meter, dirt and mud now covering the ground, It was somewhat familiar to her…
“Do the ~right thing~ then, like always… But a little reminder…” It spoke again, laughing.
Feya tried to speak back, but was incapable of. She felt her arms wet, and looked at them.
Blood dripped off them onto the ground now covered with it. She could see that she was wearing armored bracers and gloves now…
“How will it end this time ?” Feya heard it right into her right ear.

It startled her, turned around to see who spoke to her but all that she saw was the temple… now back near the cliffside, to the present…
Blinking, confused as to why she reacted like that, and shivers…

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~~ Suppressed ~~
??? - Years ago
~~

With a large gasp, air filled her lungs, booted up her consciousness…
Limbs stiff, feeling sore everywhere, Feya blinked a lot barely aware of her surroundings…

She was… inside somewhere, brief and bright light was piercing through holes and cracks above and on one side.
But multiple small fire and intermittent electricity sparks were giving a more helpful light to determine what was around her.

A bit more focused on the situation, it was clear she wasn’t inside a building, but in a wreckage, cramped inside it, her head only a few centimeters from a metal plate above. Feya tried to move but couldn’t, her own body barely having strength.
Her ears were ringing, not able to hear anything. She could still glance around, still having a hard time to focus her view… seeing everything with a red hue.

Then pain started to reel in, grimacing and groaning at the feeling. She was covered in bruises, scratches and small lacerations, but mostly, a thin metal plate was lodged in her left leg. Instinctively reaching for it, Feya quickly gave up the idea of removing it for now.
It was then, she noticed the blood, muds and mutilated bodies around, recognizing some of them.
Some were republics soldiers, three of them were padawans of her age or a bit older.
She crawled to the nearest one, called out but could only feel the vibration of her own voice. Grabbed a hand… no longer attached to the body that’s under a pile of scrap.

Feya was terrified, confused…
Then she saw him… an armored man checking the debris.
She hid at first… only seeing his legs and foot traveling through the debris, and pool of liquids…
A soldier on his way was still alive and awake, actively trying to get out of the wreckage where he was stuck… Then a red flash… his body went limp, visible smoke coming out of his chest…

She kept her gaze on the danger, being afraid but with anger building up by what she saw…
Then another red flash… Then another… feeling each death both within the force and the vibrations.

Breathing hard… Feya had enough… ignored pain, igniting her saber she still had while pouncing toward the surprised mandalorian, using force and weapon to put him down as quickly and violently as possible…

Her gaze quickly went to another one who just entered the wreckage… seeing only red…

She didn’t know how much time passed, or what happend, but she was now exhausted, but taking care of, finding herself into a kolto tank on a ship.
Feya remembered getting out of the wrecked shuttle, collapsing outside but nothing else than the faint noise of a familiar voice of her master… and only that.

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~~ Hidden dreams ~~

The “Nighthawk”

~~

Walking out of the wood into the clearing, where several docks were built, Feya went toward a “brand new” ship. The “Nighthawk”.

She didn’t choose the name, in fact it was sold with this one, but she kept the ID nonetheless, liking it.

It was a bargain sale, but the light escort was quite alright to her new owner’s taste. With some help it got brand new equipment, and the rest was mainly about maintenance and small fixes.

It didn’t help as Feya moved all her furniture from her place back from Veles into the ship, because she had to now go behind some of it to make repairs and adjustments.

She spent several hours replacing wires, connectors, power cells; placing new weaponry, checking the hyperdrive and other systems onboard; etc.

The young jedi isn’t really an expert starship engineer and is more of an all around tinkerer, the appearance of the repairs was crude but seemed solid and safe. For everything that was hidden behind panels, it wasn’t pretty and more of a mess, with no cable management. Not a safety hazard but if someone else had to do repairs, there would be no schematics to figure out what is what right away, except for the one who did all that work.

For everything visible, Feya at least took care to make it at least a bit comfortable to see. No overhanging cables, no loose panels, maybe a bit rough here and there but that was it. She does care about outside visuals for any potential visitors, even if it seems a bit rough.

She didn’t paint the entire outside hull, kept the classic durasteel grey of it, but made parallel blue stripes from the front toward the back of it.

She didn’t really care about the passing time as she was working on the “Nighthawk”, her way to focus like that on tinkering was her method to meditate, an active meditation. She wasn’t really thinking and working more instinctively, in her own “unique” style of fixes, and to also reflect on all that happened back these last days… This entire mess…


It was started with the drink given by Kevin, something that Feya doesn’t even remember. It wasn’t helping as the people who were there didn’t really payed attention.
Anyway it wasn’t about Kevin after that, more to prevent the same situation from happening to someone else.

Feya doesn’t really understood how the case morphed into a court case against sheriff Elyd, but at that time it was true that her calls for aid were ignored all around. And with the current events there’s almost no doubt of internal struggle within Czerka and all this Sith issue, she understood Elyd’s overwhelming situation.

She sought guidance and advice after her Jedi peers, but almost found no help in that regard. Qyil is a great information retriever and support, but Puru did the opposite, trying to shut things down. Easing things up is understandable but at this level you can’t just hide under the rug.
As for Callista there’s a lot of mixed feelings in Feya’s mind, she knows that she can care and really does, but when asking for help was dismissed it really broke a trust. Things are better now, lessons being given again, lots of talk to mend things, but this will always linger in her mind. But what happened between Callista and Corbin, was the start of this entire two weeks worth of mess.

Corbin ceased to be a padawan, Callista “broke down”. So much misunderstanding, lies and hate that led to pain and anger.
Ira almost dying by Glitch hate of her, and all that “group mentality” against them both forcing them to lay low, try to fight against it at first, to be later talked down against their beliefs and ethics. At the risk of being assaulted, provoked or else.

Sure, today things are better. Issues settling down, but some people are surely still hoping to hurt them. Being just Sith, anti-jedi, anti-republican or just like to hurt.
Something that Feya is watching for.

Ira is the person that kept her on course during all that, and is without a doubt now her closest friend she ever had.
She supports Feya and try to give back this support, allowing to vent out and share doubts, understand, and allow to be free.
Markus is a great guy on Feya’s opinion, ultimately weird, not in a bad way but more in a confusing one. He is a good man, and helping him is important for everyone, mostly for himself and Ira.

But things are weird too, it’s now the second time that Feya was told she acted oddly, with no recollection at all. It doesn’t scare her, and even if trusting and believes the others who told her… she doesn’t seem to be able to even think about it, just leaving her confused.

But it wasn’t important, this last thought was quickly forgotten, as right now there’s a war, Sith experimenting, “zombies”, spies, being followed,…all that is going on. And Feya needs to be ready, being taught by the order, her own self training in her abilities, skills or by perfecting her gear, to the point to have thoughts on her lightsabers she left behind three years ago…


Feya took a shower in her ship, after having finished the tinkering for today and meditation/reflections on her earlier thoughts.

Heading to her room, towel on the back, she paused her hand before pressing the button to open the door. Hearing someone feeling familiar and yet sounding unknown…

“~Trying to figure out things ? You’re still in that state ? Poor you…~”
an echoing voice was heard, not having a clue where it came from.

During an instant, Feya was looking around, once again having forgotten the voice immediately. But she felt that something was definitely off…
Opening the door and closing it behind her, she put on her usual body suit.
But the room changed around her in a subtle visual illusion, almost not noticeable… into her old one back in the fleet.

Feya sat on her bed, a sense of mixed remorse, rage, sorrow, shame… she couldn’t handle what happened. This mental state was hurting herself, to the point that she held her head in pain. Plus the soreness of her recent wounds.
She was in the dark, only the light of the hallway illuminated the room with the door opened. Hearing voices closing in from outside.

“…it’s the fourth time, at one point you should realize that, sir.”
A slight annoyed sigh could be heard, not responding.
"With all due respect, she needs to be sent back…"
“We left the order, remember ?”
“Sir… going back on the battlefield is more likely to make things worse. Even hearing about one of the two others could…”
A slam was heard in the wall with a brief yelp.
“Don’t mention them… I handled them, no report will be made… Now leave, I’ll fix this as well. You will not hear anything more about this and neither will you mention anything, ever.”

Her master arrived at the door, while the person that was accompanying him could be heard fast walking away.
He spoke in a softer voice, approaching the bed. “I’m sorry Feya, for what happened to you. But you fought on, learned out of it and survived.”
She was sobbing, avoiding eye contact.
He crouched and put a hand on the side of her head, putting next to the padawan two lightsabers.
“But you keep pushing yourself too much out there and losing yourself into it, now facing the toll of such power. I know and understand that you wish to help…”
Then he put his last hand on the opposite side of her head.
“But for now… it’s better to forget… one day I’ll show you.”
With that Feya felt her master focus, connecting to her mind. She glanced at the sabers next to her and seconds later, blankness, nothing…
She woke up, prepped her gear. Ready to follow her master in this war, once again…

Back in the “Nighthawk”, it was the same. Feya woke up and headed outside, toward this new day…

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~~ Breached Hull ~~

Somewhere on Viscara, the “Nighthawk” remains.

~~


The blue paint, the gray durasteel was burnt, a large chunk missing, The “Nighthawk” was just a wreck. One that was under attempt of being fixed, but would require time and effort.
Portion of the hull just ripped open, where the light could just pour through and through.
The cockpit seemed still in good shape, unlike the core living section just accessible from outside.

Feya walked in, all in curiosity and discovery, looking around for anything and nothing at the same time. A sense of familiarity came to her, followed by sorrow, but as always nothing clear.

She kept scouring inside, opening destroyed furniture, damaging more of it in the attempt to access inside those…
Broken plates, glasses, scavenged spare parts are now even more rough, several device attempts are now forever broken, tools… Feya could only relate to those by comparing this to herself, all of this :
A ship broken, full of broken things, being rebuilt from parts that’s not it’s own. One day it will maybe be fixed, but not the same.

Venturing further into what she could guess being the night corridor, Feya entered into a bedroom… with everything smashed around. It wasn’t like she could remember how it was, but she knew to have seen it intact. Feeling like a knot in her mind being tugged on both sides but not capable of untying it.

Looking more into the furniture, she forced open a large locker embedded into the hull. After several tries to finally ressort to the force to crush it open.
Inside it she saw clothings, different ones, mostly in tatters but seemingly fixable perhaps.
Dragging them out, she could recognize one of these, being the robe that Ira wore in the glimpse of memory she could recover with Thelion.
The other one was a body suit, with a bigger size than her, and next to those armor parts, made to be worn above it.
Under these apparels was a foil, that she too recovered

“Guess… it’s those.” She muttered to herself.
Feya left with all of these things, then came back hours later…
Walking back inside the same room, now wearing the bodysuit and armor she found, having them tailored. She sat in the middle, on the burned rug.
The place wasn’t really upright, making it a bit hard to find a comfortable position.
She then proceeded to ignite both foils, looking at both blades in thoughts, trying to introspect on herself. Glancing at herself with the remains of a dusty, burned and broken mirror. Feya was inspecting herself, her clothes… both visually, and mentally.
At the same time she put her com device to holorecord herself, by advice of Sandra.

“I… like everything else it feels familiar, but more so than anything else… older, more… young too ? She… I wore it ?”
A small sigh followed up
“I dunno what else to say… I know that people expect me, think I’m me… and It feels weird for me to say it like that too but… it’s how I feel…”
“Feya… Feya… my name, a past that is just a story to me. Story of a would be me, of someone I want to be again and not this… wreck… I…” She glanced arround while talking.

Suddently, she froze up noticing something under the remains of the bed, dragged herself up to it, it was a simple recording disk but… holding it was weight.
”What… is this ?” Examining the disk battered but still in shape.
”It feels so… heavy…but this time it’s…” She held her head at that
”I know this… and yet I don’t… unlike anything else It I know it’s mine and not a vague… sensation” She then looked at herself at an armor part.
”This is mine…I wore it but not with this skin…” Feya didn’t notice it but she dug her nails into her skin and let out a drop of purple blood from her biceps onto the floor.
”Maybe it’s the way… and not… I need to do it, or I’ll be stuck like this forever.”
”I need to see to this…” She put the disk in her com wrist letting it load with difficulty.
At that, Feya cut her own recording leaving her in a blue light of the holo recording pouring through the hole of the hull, outside toward the forest. Listening to it…


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~~ A guardian’s light ~~


After several hours of reflexion… search and gathering inside the “Nighthawk”. Feya set up everything on the ground of her bedroom, scattered a bit everywhere.
Components, wiring, metals, rubber, leather, some finished products, some not.

She sat on the bed, considering everything for several minutes. Gathering focus…
Then took a big breath, before opening her hand, and letting go gently into the air, a kyber…

“You are the crystal, the heart, the light of the blade…”

With that several components floated at their turn, assembled around the crystal… encasing it in a special housing.
While Feya was bringing some metal parts to her, starting to think with them, using tools at her range. Welding small metal joints.

“The heart is the crystal, the light of a Jedi…”

The assembly was slowly being completed, and now the cycling field energizer was added… then the lens… finally the whole secured by the emitter. The device’s barebone functionality was now completed.

“The Jedi is the crystal of the Force…”

Still levitating the assembly… She worked on it, adding somewhat of an outer casing, but not completely on its upper part and leaving the under part for a grip to be added.
Revealing some of it’s undercasing to the eye, but a “shielding” metal part was covering it, not hiding it, but tight enough to protect. Cut at an angle at the emitter level.

“The Force is the blade; the light of the heart…”

She wrapped a rubber grip onto the lower side, then fastened a flat, pommel a bit more wide than the ergonomic grip itself.

“All of it is intertwined…”

With a twist, and the slight “click” sound, several sections of the hilt were now secured in position.
Now revealing the completed blade.

“The crystal, the blade, the Jedi…”

She finally reached a hand out to the grip.
Now holding the hilt in front of her, horizontally… with just a press, a high pitch sound immediately emitted from it. A blue light took over the darkness of the room, coming from the now lit blade.

“…We are one.”


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