Two maws.
The slow plodding of troopers dragging in various items and archaic errata on gravlifts, it gave Lord Sinrae enough time to simply linger over one of the lake views within the base itself. She’d given her instructions to the exact specifications, she’d see if they had met her wishes in due time. For now she took the time to look down over the flowing waters, the rolling waves as they crashed into the base supports and the edge of their boundary.
Thoughts dragged back to a time where she was being manhandled here in this very space. Held aloft by a single hand, dangling by the thread of her clothing, the will of the Force. For her the depths clawed a vicious taint, something she carried as both an unshakable shame and a boundary for which she could never willingly approach. The dreams, or rather the nightmares of being plunged helplessly with all limbs shocked into a rigid pathetic state, sinking ever deeper until the life drained up and out with the last bubbles of breath. To think it was the master she so venerated who placed her there, pushing her to that edge, under the guise of another to confuse and disorient her. The screams that had made Malak’s quiet faithful gleeful and smirking. The sounds she produced, the terror of imminent demise something she could never fully shake even while walking through the base at times.
Such was a time of testing after all, for she had not yet committed, or had not yet been accepted. That initial tear of the senses having driven her to become what she was, poised, dangerous. Her thoughts often lingered back, wondered what would be thought of her now. The only comfort she could wrap herself in was the pride Valerius had allowed her to see, clinging it to it as the orphan does to their adoptive parent. Standing there stoic just as he would, emulating his nature to the best of her ability, that was her silent wish anyway.
But just as she stood atop the place of deep wounding, shadows always managed to touch and test at the corner of their vision. More heard than ever witnessed.
"Unity… adoration… all these delightful positive qualities to feast on no? Shielding you, wanting you… even needing you." A baleful chuckle with a seething loathing all in the same exalting breath.
"A time is coming, can you really bring them all in? Moving, shifting, you’d never simply bow to one fate or another. Isn’t it something, stripping through nets, surviving in the wake of the rest. How many bodies and bones line the path now?" A far more jovial and wretched tone.
Slithering, pawing, her emotions were not something she could subdue and quiet entirely. While every movement was calculated, presentation considered, some of the prior hold had broken. In her efforts to just stay sane under the ‘care’ of Lord Bandon. Acid roiled in her throat even at the thought, sparking another round of retorts.
"Oh yes, we still hate him do we. So, so very much." Licking of the jaws, a savoring of the bile.
"Of course WE do he tried to murder us!" A snap, a snarl, the spittle and gnashing of jaws around her head.
"Pitifiul… if he wanted us dead he would’ve done so… surely." Arrogance blooming with a sultry and snarky writhing motion.
Mercifully for her own appearances she could save the purge from the memory of endless suffering for later on, usually before passing out on board the Throne she now called home. Though it didn’t keep her from whitening her knuckles in a fierce grasp around the pouch on her belt. The contents of which even gave the fleeting visages a touch of pause.
For all the loathing and bickering there was this one solid piece that she could confide in. A treasure hidden far away from the grasp of all others. Yet this one final shard was one of the few pieces of the past that hadn’t changed, hadn’t waned. Hadn’t been lost by either her own machinations or by coincidence much as she tried to claim every victory and trial invoked upon others as her own.
The quiet warmth, the tender confidence, an embrace that reminded her always that her faith in her instincts was a path to far greater things. Swallowing down the illness and taming the tension the shadows themselves had to back away to this sheer power. Even if it was only a fragment of a memory, it still rooted her deeply. The kyber she’d never use, the pure gift from an aspect of the Force she was finding herself missing more than ever. How she wished she could explain the power felt, the inherent strength of her own unique will. There was beauty and untamed mystery in the Force, not of either darkness or light. Just life.
Even now in her mind she was striding past those wounded and fallen, marking each with a memory that she continued to hold close. The death, the suffering, the disappointments, and departed. One would think that all she had already despoiled and caused difficulties with would be trivial afterthoughts. But she wasn’t so detached. She couldn’t yet yield to the teeth grinding about her own head. As if the efforts of focusing all her power on the alchemy process wasn’t enough, this pain and continued duress had to play out each and every day.
The lakefront shifted with a choppier set of wakes. The waters rippling with the sudden onset of a coming storm. A final breath of her master’s playful handling of the lightning storms. The Lord turns away to judge the work and pace within.