Griggs - Data Journal

[Graveman]

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Hi, dad.

I guess I should start typing up a personal journal in this datapad. Things really have changed since that day ten years ago. A part of me still wishes it never happened and we were still sailing away towards our new home away from this miserable galaxy. I never did get to ask you why mother left, or what happened to her. Now, I guess I’ll never really find out. I still think both of you are alive out there somewhere, living your own lives like I am.

Separated.
Lost.

Some weeks ago, I ended up on the planet Viscara, where the people there helped me survive. Being alone with no one else to rely on is nothing new to me ever since I crash landed on that one planet, but this time I had to make a new life. It was nothing short of brutal and I would’ve died a few times if it wasn’t for people rescuing me. A lot of them have been friendly and I don’t think I would’ve lasted as long as I did without them.

Did you know that I had to kill something for the first time ever? I didn’t think it would’ve ever happened, but I remembered the time you taught me how to use a blaster at the practice range on the starship. Even still, it felt different than shooting some targets. I was shaking in my boots.

First, it was animals trying to kill me. Then, it was people. It was harder for me to kill another living person. It still is sometimes, but you want to know the worst thing about it, dad?

It gets easier.

I hope I don’t have to kill someone in cold blood.

I still miss you both very much. I wish I could find others from our home fleet, but after ten years, I’m losing hope. I don’t want to give up. If there’s ever a tiny chance of finding either of you, I’m taking it.

Maybe the Force will bring us together again, who knows?

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[Graveman]

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There is something terribly wrong with those caves in Viscara. The first time I arrived on this planet, I had an incident with one of the crystal clusters, accidentally shocking myself when I got near it. Soon after, I was able to do the same to those damn spiders.

I really did think it was my gear malfunctioning, but now I realized there was more to it than that. I went to look for my friend Tessek who reached out to a few of those mystics to help me understand what was going on and they told me that I may be Force-sensitive. To think that I would have this kind of power was unbelievable at the time. Nowadays, I don’t think it’s too far-fetched anymore…

I shouldn’t have taken that damn job from that damn old man. “Just a simple errand,” he said, finding some source of power inside of the caves. I figured I’d get some extra creds while I mine for more power crystals. I was wrong. It’s hard to explain what happened in there. All of it was like a dream, trapped amongst the stars in the cold void of space.

Red…

Blue…

Why is it so important? Why me?

My memory is hazy, but I remember trusting my gut feeling and entered through one of the portals. There I came face-to-face with myself, wielding one of those terrible red sabers. I was afraid. I had my blaster in one hand, but in the other hand I wielded a blade similar to my doppleganger’s, colored blue.

I fought and fought and through some miracle of mine, emerged triumphant against the doppleganger. I stepped through another portal and then it all faded…

I woke up near the giant crystal formation in a panic, wondering how long I’ve been asleep. Things just seem to get worse as the weeks go on, because I’m starting to hear singing in those caves. Someone or something is in there and it wants me to stay.

I’ve been speaking to that Jedi, Cordelia, about this but I don’t even know if they’ll help someone like me. The second time I went back there, I heard it speaking to me. People think I’m going crazy, but I know there’s something in there.

Please, I don’t want it to find me.

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[Graveman]

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My hands are still shaking, it’s a bit difficult to type this.

Today was the day I poured my soul out to someone again. I couldn’t bear to keep it in anymore, keeping up faces for everyone. Building things has been one of my greatest joys in life, but there are still so many questions I have, so many answers I seek.

Today was the day I got the answer to a question I’ve had since I was born: Who was my mother?

She is, and isn’t a woman named Meshara. She was a Jedi, one entrusted with a special mission that couldn’t afford any distractions nor any setbacks. She was like a Shadow, there and yet… not there at the same time. I will never forget my brief moment with Jedi Master Vrake, who gave me the one clue that lit a torch to help me follow this trail gone cold.

“Tatooine,” he said.

Today was the day I had that once-in-a-lifetime encounter, all because of Sandra.

Today was the day I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled.

Today was the day I had hope again.

Thank you, everyone.

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[Graveman]

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Project after project after project… I can’t believe how busy I’ve been lately.

The gift Sandra and I made for Callista was perfect. Hopefully that’ll help relieve some stress from her hectic work life. It’s a strange thing, helping the Jedi. Some of them seem like normal people while others seem very distant and aloof.

After we gave Callista a gift, she told us about some strange feeling in Tatooine. I hitched a ride on Sandra’s starship and we arrived just in time to see Anchorhead under attack by the largest lizard I had ever seen in my life. They called it a Krayt Dragon, and civilians were evacuating to safety. I worked with many of the other Jedi to help set up defenses and with some clever jury-rigging with Qy and Cordelia, managed to build a perimeter for a shield generator.

Honestly, I didn’t have the guts to face that thing head-on like everyone else. I stuck behind with the shield generator just in case they ever had to retreat. Fortunately for me, they didn’t. I don’t know what caused that thing to get this close to the town, but I hope I don’t have to face another one again in my lifetime.

Tatooine still has many secrets I want to uncover, one of them being the location of my mother. Maybe I could bring a few others with me to go exploring. One day…

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[Graveman]

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Been a while since I’ve typed into this journal.

Can’t believe how much time has passed since I first arrived in Viscara. It’s even harder to believe that I’m currently taking a luxury shuttle towards a starport in the Mid Rim. I decided to get away from the chaos of the Outer Rim for a week to see if I could visit some of the planets in the Core World sector of the galaxy.

I’m hoping Sandra is able to follow up on finding records of my father. If he really was a Republic citzen before being a part of the homefleet, then I wonder if he ever found a new home…

Until then, I’m going to get some sleep. This shuttle’s next stop won’t be for another day or two, so I’ll be here in my passenger room.

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[Graveman]

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Who would’ve thought that the people in Veles saw me as a hero…

I felt humbled and overjoyed to see how much everyone cared about me. I never knew how many people I helped until I saw a crowd welcome me back with open arms once I had left the Jedi Temple’s medical bay. To think that the simple things that I’ve built for everyone have left that much of an effect on the community…

Going toe-to-toe with that monster of a man was like facing Death itself. I still believe it was luck that kept me in one piece, even though the jedi doctor that tended to my wounds told me that I was touched by the Force and that it guided me… I was fast, but that red saber of his was faster. I feel like I should’ve been dead, but I felt ready to throw my life on the line to make sure he didn’t get what he wanted: Kiekrys. That poor girl has suffered through a lot of trouble, both from the Sith and from within herself. I don’t really know her much and sometimes wish I had more of a chance to talk and hang out with her, but even I can see it in someone’s eyes when they want to leave behind a dark path in their lives.

Back before she defected from the Sith, there were a few folks that felt like she went too far, that she wasn’t worth saving.

I believe everyone is worth saving.

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[Graveman]

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I couldn’t believe it. I don’t think anyone could’ve believed it.

The sheriff, Elliot Graves, he didn’t make it.

That daredevil had a plan to steal Alice from inside of the damn Sith base while we served as the distraction force. It looked like everything was going according to plan but… I never saw Elliot there when the strike team returned. The crystal they had, it was horrible. I never felt such hatred before… I felt like I was someone else at that very moment, wanting nothing more than to kill everyone.

Alice… I wish I could’ve turned back time to fix all of this. I should’ve done something when I first heard you, but I was too afraid. Too afraid to understand. I could’ve stopped Tara from killing Echo, I could’ve stopped to figure out why everything was happening the way it was happening. I just wanted it all to end, even if it meant killing you.

At least you had the heart to forgive me.

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[Graveman]

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It’s been a long time since I wrote in this datapad. All that talk about retirement and I can’t even bring myself to move on.

Looking back at everything, I sometimes wonder why I keep returning to Viscara. Maybe it’s just the nostalgia kicking in, the rose-tinted glasses making me visit just to chase after memories long gone. Maybe it’s the feeling of unfinished business, yearning to complete goals that I can’t even remember anymore.

Kassie’s dead. Sinclare’s dead. Solomon went rogue. Ibzo is gone. Mart’s in a coma. Kevin departed the Outer Rim. Zvadras vanished. I still have nightmares about Alice.

Maybe the Jedi were right. Attachments keep you stuck in the past, always wishing for a return to the good old times. The more you look back, the less you see in front of you. I thought that finding my father alive after all these years would’ve brought back some of my old life, but I’ve come to realize that it’ll never come back.

Someone tipped off the coordinates to the remains of a Czerka colonial fleet that’ve been floating around for a long time. Maybe it’s time for me to return home. If you’re reading this, then I probably didn’t make it back safely.

I was homesick.

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