Journal of a lost soldier

Personal Log…

I am worried about Zain and his sudden attentions on Jace. I can feel Jace building a rift between me and Zain and I don’t like it. I tried to express a concern to Zain and the only answer I got before he bolted out was “Don’t worry, I’m my own person, it wont effect me too much”. I fear its already effecting him more then I like. Zain has always been attentive to my concerns and one to listen. When Jace is around, he becomes distant, doesn’t listen, and literally just takes off without hearing me.

My job as a parent is to guide him, to look out for him and keep him from negative influences. My job as his Captain is to look after him and ensure he is trained to survive and eventually come into his own power. Am I failing in these? I want to believe I am guiding him properly, but I am no longer sure. Time will tell, he will either fully shut me out for this human…or he will fall back in with us. I don’t know what I will do if its the latter…Heck Zain even hung up our call without a word to me, figured he would at least talk to me, but no. He hung up to be with Jace. Guess I am back on my own for the moment.

Report Log…

Strange male approached me shortly after Zain left the house as I was talking to Jaycen. He seemed to know Zain a bit too well for comfort. He called himself Nemo and seemed to evade questions on how he knew my son. Given the amount of people that have tried to hurt or kill Zain I took the defensive for my son and told him to take a hike. He kept talking how I better watch my mouth or he would put me down. Still concerned he was there to harm my son I opened fire and that is all I recall of the incident…

I have awoken in the hospital to find my left leg missing, completely. They had to amputate what was left and install a modular interface for a new mechanical leg. The damage was apparently bad enough that there was no salvaging the leg possible. Now I have to sit and recover and adapt to the new leg entirely.

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Report Log…

Took some time off compiling notes to spend time with Zain, found him out on Hutlar training with the Jedi Padawan named Tara. She seems to have improved attitude wise since Zain first told me of her. We helped her gather bile after I had what I needed and contently allowed her to have what we no longer needed at the time as we were after the tigers blood. Tara eventually went to rest, I think the cold was getting to her to be honest. She is not Chiss and not accustomed to the cold.

A while later Sandra messaged me, asking to meet to speak of my son. I agreed to meet with her, and she picked the restaurant in Veles as the meeting destination. I arrived and she greeted me politely as I brushed off the snow from Hutlar. I greeted her politely and sat down ordering a coffee and some soup to push off the environmental effects of being out in the cold and asked how I could assist her.

As Zain had already told me, she was addressing a concern over a post over the holonet that came off as hostile and rude. Apparently the Jedi were ready to “Boycott” our store over it. So much for keeping emotions out of their issues right? Someone was clearly emotionally hurt to suggest such. I quickly advised her that such actions by the Jedi against the Chiss would be very dangerous, as with the General coming himself, he will definitely look at the Jedi interfering with our trade as an act of war.

While I do not condone what Zain did, I also reminded her that in comparison to six months ago, this little act on Zains part is very minor, Zain has come a long way with his hatred to them and this is actually a very minor slip. Them having a tantrum over this is honestly laughable. Until he starts threatening to harm Jedi or members of their order, they really shouldn’t get so worked up. Its only words after all.

I reminded her I was not dismissing the situation, but perhaps it was time the Jedi took a look at “why” specifically Zain was having these outbursts against them, most of them being Sandra herself. How she speaks to people can be very offensive. Sandra took this advisement to heart it seemed and promised to work on being less harsh and not appearing to bark orders at people. We eventually parted and I returned to Zain to get some of my gear mods done and advised Zain not to be posting crap like that on the Holonet anymore. While they cannot afford another war on their doorstep, the Chiss do not need one either. That and it is entirely unbecoming of a Soldier.

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Report log…

It has been far too long since I have written here. Exiled and outcasted. Zain ditched me for a girl, I don’t know if he’s dead or alive with the ongoing war. I am alone here, I have seen Mart once, though he seemed troubled with his own issues, Atin his young understudy was bloody eager to pick a fight and found very fast I will not back down from a threat. I may be half crippled, though I am far from afraid from a young upstart that doesn’t know how to his tongue or take advice from his seniors that know better.

Not that it overly matters, he is young and foolish, even Mart confirmed my words that if he went for Shade, she would murder his useless hide. The only reason I didn’t put him 6ft below is because of Mart. I would never do anything to actually hurt him. Though as it stands, as much as I am a brother to him and him to me, which is irony considering how we met, I do not know where I fit in here. I am no Jedi. I am no Sith nor will I ever be. I am no Republic soldiers and I am fairly sure they don’t take half cripples. Even with the new leg coming. A leg costing me nearly 30,000 credits. At least she gave me a new temp that actually works and isn’t causing me constant agony.

Been trying to merchant for two days to no results, Its back to mining for hours to raise the funds. Though even if I do get the new leg, that still does not solve my problem. I am completely and utterly alone. Althea suggested trying to reconnect with the Chiss, but does not understand that the Chiss do not care. Once an exile is placed, it is entirely unheard of for it to be lifted. She means well but does not know our way.

So what is left? Mandalorians? Do I fit with them? I honestly do not know. I can speak the tongue easily enough, and I think I understand the culture better then I did two years ago. Though I still don’t know, and Mart has not exactly been able to be reached to speak to either. Though I am sure he is very distracted and busy with the war and Zvadras. I just don’t know anymore. I really don’t.