Father,
It has been what, four years now? Perhaps you think I am dead at this point, given I haven’t made any effort to contact you. But I’m not dead, I’m not struggling. I’m thriving, father. And I know you would not be happy to see what I am doing now. I’ve embraced who I am. You wanted to hide it, you went through so much effort to keep me away from anyone who could tell me who I truly was. But it couldn’t be kept behind closed doors forever. You tried to deny me, and for that I doubt I will ever forgive you.
Four years to figure out who I truly was, and it was a struggle father. I wandered around, uncertain if I could do what I have heard of others like me are capable of doing. At times I would try to see about controlling the force inside of me, other times I hoped to just bury it down and forget it. I was left on my own, and I couldn’t decide what I wanted. I was freed of my shackles of your expectations, and the entire world open to me to give in to any desire that I may have. But after so long, I couldn’t think on what I wanted. You filled my head with what you felt was best, that you needed me and if I didn’t do what you wished, you and mother would suffer. The guilt ate at me in those years after I left. Was it true? Did you struggle? I hope you did. I hope you were able to feel some of the pain that you gave me in my life. Then perhaps you will understand.
Do you wish to know what I am doing? Do you care? I know you had others try to come and find me when I left, but thankfully I was able to avoid them. I couldn’t stay in Alderaan after all of that, especially knowing that you were wanting to find me and drag me home. There were so many options, and I knew that places nearby that you would speak poorly about. Corellia was close enough, and so that is where I went first. Getting there was difficult, father. I left with little, because you refused. You wanted me to realize I was making a mistake, and what better way to finally deny me what I wanted? You had never said no to me before, and I hate you for doing it now. I spent all I had left to get to Corellia. I learned to fly there, learned to command my own ship. A means to try to prosper, something that was my own decision. But I found it wasn’t enough, father. It did not make me satisfied. I needed something else.
I stayed there for over a year. It was enough for me to enjoy my life, enough that I didn’t struggle as I am sure you hoped I would. It wasn’t enough, and so I left. I went to Nar Shaddaa next, father. Does that surprise you, does that make you fear what could have happened to me? We both know the stories of Nar Shaddaa. The dangers that were there, the risks of who you worked with and the possibility of crimes. Your dear little daughter embraced the danger, and she took risks that would make mother cry. It still wasn’t enough. But I struggled. What did I want? So many possibilities, so many opportunities that I could reach out. I didn’t take the time to embrace what I was, I still tried to iignore it as you had forced me to do when I was a child. But in the end I couldn’t deny what I was. There was a pull, there was something that gnawed at me. At first I tried to ignore, I tried to push it away. But it only grew over time, and at one point I couldn’t deny it.
The pull lead me to Viscara. Do you know of it, father? Perhaps you do. But it doesn’t truly matter, I am sure you think all that is there is insignificant. But to me I felt that there was something there. I can’t explain it, and truthfully after all I’ve endured you don’t deserve to know. But I have purpose. I know what I am, and I know what I am capable of. I am Sith now, father. Shocking, is it not? You spoke of them in whispers, worried about what they could be capable of, knowing that they would freely embrace many things that were hated. Your little girl has realized her purpose in life now, father. I know what I need to do to better myself, and I intend to do all I can to get it. I am not suffering from leaving you, but I hope that you are. Your daughter is her own purpose, and she will take it.
-Katya