Mart lies on the bed at Vasheira’s compound, gazing up at the ceiling as he recalls the days’ events, his face slightly paled as he thinks on the memories
I finally had a chance to talk with Zvadras’ sister. They just wanted to keep Zvadras safe, so after making a deal with her I managed to pry a few questions from her, and managed to get at least some information. Then, with the new information I had, I confronted Zvadras about what she had been hiding from me. It wasn’t a pleasant conversation, and by the end of it, she had moved off to Hutlar to lie low before I…broke a promise I had made. Another one. He furrows his brow quietly I drank again. After I said I wouldn’t. Worthless. Useless. Idiotic. A failure.
He takes a breath and then lets it out, closing his eyes a moment and then re-opening them to refocus I went to Hutlar with her sister and found Zvadras, then brought her back to Viscara. Along the way, she and Zvadras hammered out a plan together, one that they didn’t let me in on due to my seemingly inability or desire to help out, which wasn’t my intention. We didn’t speak much after we disembarked the ship.
He breaths in again, this time a little shaky After that, I spoke to Sandra. I told her about what happened between myself and Zvadras, her sister, the plan they had made. I then told her that I would help her find answers from the Jedi the best I can, even if it is not much. Then. Then…I apologized to her. For my betrayal. I expected her to be upset. I expected her to be angry. But…I did not expect for her to go off the deep end like she did. She threatened to kill me, cut off my head. Then, she -tried- to do it. She lashed out at me in her anger, her first attempt a miss, her second more focused. I blocked with my vambrace as she told me to shut up. She then backed away, throwing a smoke grenade and hiding within it, striking at me just as I sidestepped away, anticipating her move. “LIAAAR!” She yelled in her fury, striking my chestplate with reckless abandon. She pressed her attack again and I caught it on my other vambrace, and just as she was beginning to wind up for another attack, Callista called, causing her mind to shift. She left the ship in her daze, growling threateningly at me to stay away. I followed close behind, worried for Callista…worried for the monster I may have unleashed.
He lets out another breath as tears silently well up What have I done to you, Sandra? What have I done…I’ve turned you into a monster, and in doing that, I have turned myself into one. A beautiful monster…that is what you called yourself. I refused to believe it. That you could be a monster. Now I see I’ve made you into one. You weren’t a monster…not until you were created. Useless! Idiotic! Stupid! You ruined it all! The screaming chorus fills his head, unable to block it out, turning on his side and closing his eyes
Love…love is a mistake. It only causes misery and pain for those involved. A fleeting notion, a curiosity at best. That would be how Sandra would describe it to someone, especially now…and a sentiment Mart begins to share. Don’t fall in love when all that awaits you is misery or death. Sometimes both.
His gaze looks back up to the ceiling and he stares at it for a long time, unable to find sleep or steady his mind, stuck only in the loop he had created for himself of his own failures and betrayal, replaying the events in his mind again and again, the events slowly burning a way into his memories each time they replay