Entry 1.
Starting a new log for my new ventures, been stuck on this rock Viscaria. Work has overall been slow, trying to find some new work, but that isn’t what this log is about.
Had an interesting day today, went out with Sandra, John and Sylia, was a bit awkward, but that got broken by some trouble out in the wildlands, something about some mandalorians and refugees, by the time we got there blaster fire had already erupted out, a woman by the name of Lanari was cut down standing around in the open like a green horn.
Another man started cutting down the mandalorians with a lightsaber, it seems like everyone here has one, wonder why, and then John went up to help him, Sandra and I shot down the final one.
The mandalorians all died, and one of the refugees was dead by the end of it. I tended the wounded well we waited for the Republic to come and pull them out. After the republic got there, they pushed everyone else out of the way, I tried to offer to help, but they seemed to have it under control.
The medic then got pulled off to help someone else.
Sylia was then drug over, having been gravely wounded, I had to rush to stabilize her, thankfully she was able to be saved, then we got her out of immediate danger and had to haul her off to the local med facility. After some generous application of Kolto she was fine.
Overall an eventful day, but few deaths for the number of casualties so something good came of it. I just hope the next time I am out relaxing we don’t get interrupted like this.
Signing off,
Lucas Balis
Been awhile since I wrote here, I guess I just need to collect my thoughts, I finally snapped at John, his childish act was just too much. He plays ignorant so well… I know this is going to come back to haunt me…
I feel… I don’t have the words to describe how I feel, I suppose, lost, isolated, I will find my way again eventually.
I am also wondering if there is something wrong with me. There might be, I can’t really analyze myself I may need to ask someone I actually trust.
Well if I threw away everything I will just have to start over again, nothing new.
Well writing all this down didn’t help. So time to go do something proactive.
Signing off
Lucas Balis.
Well today was a better day, getting to talk about my issues helped me decompress, what a force of luck to have that happen.
I think I might try to make this a daily things, or at least once a week, what to say about today, it has been great overall, got a lot of training in with Zain, I am feeling a lot more confident in my blaster handling.
We also got some parts put together for Blue Sun, she is in pretty good shape now, he is making a rifle right now for me, I told him not to push himself, and that there is no rush, but I can’t really stop him I just hope he doesn’t push himself too hard.
I also had Sandra contact me today, it was a pleasant surprise, we talked for awhile, then met up and played some Pazzak, I can’t tell if she was stacking the deck or if it was a giant coincidence, but we kept drawing the same cards. Wonder if it is a sign or something, could also be her messing with me or just chance.
That aside things seem to be looking up, I am not sure what to do with the John situation, I can’t bring myself to trust him, the way he acts just feels so… staged, but most people I talked to seem to think he is genuine, it could be happenstance that lead to the events, or his own general ignorance. But my gut just doesn’t believe that, I don’t see it as being reasonable.
Either way seems like a lot of coincidence going on or something else, not sure exactly. Time will see how these things develop, may tomorrow be as good a day as today.
Signing off
Lucas Balis
A lot can change in a short time, the thunder of war is fast approaching on Viscara now, the republic is poised to strike on Duskhaven. I am going to be fighting on behalf of the Republic in the coming battle.
I heard it is best to not leave any regrets before going into a fight, especially one that will probably face many casualties So I am leaving all of my regrets in a will, and once I make it back I am destroying it, I don’t want anyone reading it!
It sounds like Sandra is doing some kind of special operations work, so we will probably not see her for the duration, I hope she stays safe, I promised to keep her students alive, and I will, even if it kills me.
I am worried that when it comes down to it any of them might break, it is going to be a far cry from fighting thugs, or beasts, or anything else they have fought, it is going to be battle lines, heavy emplaced weapons, people dying all over. I hope I don’t break this is going to be my first actual combat.
But with some luck none of us will die, and we will minimize casualties overall with a swift blow, that keeps them reeling backwards and retreating or routing til they surrender…
Nothing is ever that easy…
Signing off
Lucas Balis.
VICTORY
War is truly awful, crawling through sewers, trying to fight droids that just won’t stop, nearly lost a lot of people, but I was able to keep them up and going. It was nothing like we planned for but that was sort of expected. It was a hard fight but I don’t care to dwell on it.
We ended up being able to stop all the leadership of Duskhaven on the planet. It seems like finding out it was done for money shook up Sandra… I don’t think I have ever seen her look more innocent or vulnerable then when she was pleading for a deeper meaning for all the death and pain.
I wish I could have given her an answer, but people simply are like that.
No one in our task force died, it is a great thing to have happen especially with how difficult the fight was.
I have made up with John, I am helping him grow independent of Sandra, or at least trying to, I think he is making great strides but we will see, I feel the same way about Sylia and then she back peddles back to the day we met and she thought I was some kind of pervert.
Speaking of Sylia… she has a warped way of thinking, she apparently doesn’t believe I can be Sandra’s friend without trying to be her boyfriend, and that I hound her constantly. I can not understand what she is thinking. Made all the more bizarre by the fact she did exactly what she accused me of, I tried to advise her against it but she would not listen. Not sure what happened after that but Sandra can handle herself. I really think she just places the crimes of her former owners on anyone she views as a threat to what she wants.
Zain, I am not sure how to help him, I have guided him over and over, but he doesn’t seem to understand, he listens but he doesn’t hear. His obsession will be his undoing, I hope eventually the talks stick with him and he stops complaining about training and his past constantly, not everyone can even use the force, and he complains about not having a teacher, and his childhood well awful, he needs to grow past it and stop focusing on it.
And then Sandra… thankfully she didn’t have to read that embarrassing will I left, I am not sure what I was thinking, she seemed to be doing better, but said she would be going on a trip for awhile to be guided by the force, I am going to try to keep John and Sylia occupied and training, I think John will be receptive I doubt Scylia will be, but if she is not there they will need something to occupy their time for the next few days.
Things are looking up but greater threats loom, we must take each day in stride and enjoy the time we have to be with one another.
I think that is enough rambling, I will need to get the apartment put back together after the raids.
Signing off
Lucas Balis
Today… I don’t know what to say about today…
It was nice enough, talked with Zain a bit, I think he is understanding more about how his situation is not unique and he can’t keep pining over what he wants… I must sound like a hypocrite… But It old him about my personal failures and how he has just just move on, I hope he takes it to heart, I want to see him grow beyond this Jedi obsession.
So the evening… the evening was bad.
Went to a party with Sandra and Sylia, it went about as bad as I feared… Sylia took anything said about her as a slight. it started well enough but devolved into fighting… I really hope Sandra and Beli, are not mad at me. I really want to it again, I just hope it ends better next time. I had to admit I still had feeling for Sandra. It’s hard to suppress such, I do my best to not act on them, but they are still there, and I was asked point blank if I still had feelings for her. Lying would have been pretty obvious to see through, so I was truthful, I really don’t know what to do now. I feel like I just dug myself a deeper pit
Hopefully if Sandra decides to com tomorrow we can talk it over. I will have to visit Beli again as well, she gave me a Pazzak deck since she wants to play again… That should be fun.
A real part of me is afraid she won’t I can’t help but feel like I screwed up somewhere, well if she decides she hates me or she doesn’t have enough time for me, I hope she at least lets me know.
Who am I kidding knowing it or not would only change if I felt I could get in touch with her as friends, these feelings are hard to get rid of.
Signing off
Lucas Balis
Been a few uneventful days, sort of nice, a little boring.
I have been working on a some crafts and doing some prospecting, trying to keep busy and make some credits.
Zain… well Zain made poor choices today, I knew he would fail the question the way it was asked, I just had hoped he would reflect on how bad it was he failed, not see no issue with it. Blinded by ambition it is unfortunate, and he did a total relapse apparently. It tells me the extent to his selfishness if he is willing to just throw away his friends and progress because he can’t have his way.
I was even asked why he was such a prat today, the answer is simply his selfishness. He believes it to be selflessness but doesn’t seem to know or care to look at it from the perspective other then his desires. He clearly thinks poorly of me now, after I asked if he stopped feeling sorry for himself he absconded from the conversation near as I can tell.
I think the worst part is he doesn’t seem to realize or perhaps care how badly he hurt Ira, he got mad at me for turning off her com when she was standing there crying from his anger and his words. I would do it again, he has no right to hurt someone like that, and if he hates me for it, I am willing to carry that burden. She seems to have recovered though, which is good, having a friend give into self destruction is never easy. Regardless I know I am going to wash my hands of the situation.
In other news, something seems to be bothering Sandra, apparently someone is trying to force their advise upon her from the sounds of it, but she doesn’t wish to talk about it, so I am just going to be here for her, listen if she needs it, and try to avoid prying. Also going to keep my ear to the ground, she asked me to com her later, but it seems her com was offline she must have been more tired then she realized when she went to rest.
I think that is all, hopefully the relative peace lasts.
Signing off
Lucas Balis
It has been a slow last few days,
Zain apologized to me, I told him I want to see change, not get an appology, I hope he does change for the better, the relapse was worrying. His father seemed the respectable sort, I think the military training will help him get his head on right, and teach him the discipline he needs.
I have not heard from John in a bit, he is probably just busy, I will have to get in touch with him when Ic an reach his com.
A meteorite fell, and I got a few rare metals from it, they have some interesting properties. I will need to get some equipment made for it, made sure to keep some of each of them for Sandra as well.
Had a fun talk with Sandra today actually, I think we both think highly of each other funny enough, she enjoys my art from the sounds of it, wish I could give her some of it, but she asked to not be given gifts,
so I try to keep it to more simplistic and practical things.
Taking a brief break from cleaning her house at the moment actualy, I made a bet and lost, so that is a responsibility of mine now. I really don’t mind, this big house must be lonely I am happy to make it feel that much more active and lived in.
Also found some interesting going and salvaging in the planets orbit, many of the things up there seem to be found in the deep deposits on the planet, wonder if there was some kind of collision that broke part of the planet off or smashed two bodies together. I will have to ask someone who knows more about it later.
Anyways, there is a lot of floor to clean so I am going to get back to that.
Signing Off:
Lucas Balis
Today today today
Today was a heavy one, I went up to clean Sandras, and well I am working at it I have Sylia and Ira burst in, and ask me to go grab Zain who fell behind. When I finally found him and got him inside, we went to find what was going on.
Turn out John fell and became non responsive, Sylia claimed her devices said it was a coma, Ira was trying to run a diagnosis, I had to herd Sylia out, she probably hates that I did it, she was crowding and getting in the way.
Afterwards I took down the symptoms he exhibited before falling unconscious, it sounds like typical battlefield fatigue, but that doesn’t explain his current state.
I am a bit lost on it really, Ira claims it is not a coma, it looks and sounds like a coma, but I am going to trust her diagnosis until I have something stronger to bring forward.
Sylia threw a tantrum and stormed off once Sandra went to bed, I am not surprised just disappointed.
I am going to stay up here tonight and keep an eye on things, I can report back to Ira if anything happens overnight.
I am going to finish cleaning then probably check on John, before some sleep.
I don’t have much more to add but I hope he recovers, I can’t find anything that could explain this…
Signing Off
Lucas Balis
Useless, Useless, Useless…
What did I spend those years training for?
It’s all just useless. I guess they were right, I am just not fit to be better then I am, no matter how hard I train, or study, or keep pushing forward I will just never be good enough.
Good news is John is okay, but what was wrong with him was so far beyond what my capabilities are there is just nothing I could have done.
I can see why I wasn’t even an afterthought to contact, training with Sandra, and just watching how others fight has also shown me that physically I just can not measure up to those around me. No matter how hard I push, how often I push, I just can’t do it.
Academics give the same results as well, people who only have a few months of study under their belt are better in ways I can not even hope to compete with in a matter of months.
Is this really all I am capable of?
I am just going to hold everyone back if I stick around, I might as well make myself scarce, a team is only as strong as its weakest part… and that is me.
I don’t even know who to turn to right now, Ira doesn’t need to feel what I am feeling, Sandra is going to be busy with Sylia… John has his own issues… I really just have nowhere to turn… I guess it is for the best that I am the weakest and the least important, it means when I am incapable of keeping up anymore it will cause the least amount of disruption.
Signing off.
Well today was interesting,
Overall it was pretty standard, mostly doing some training, ran into Teh, apparently she wants to put together a library, or really more of a hub of knowledge, so that people can share information with each other, she asked me to write something for it, so I did. I hope others can find it useful. I am planning to write some more things just figuring out what they should be precisely. Sandra is also going to share some experiences, it sounds like they both want me to function as a full collaborator, I am a little surprised, but I will take the opportunity.
I also did some training with Sandra, she seems like something is bothering her, probably from something Sylia did she knows she shouldn’t have. But she doesn’t seem to want to talk about it, and sounded like she just wanted to put it in the past, so I am going to respect that. I do know the next time Sylia ‘asks’ me to be scarce for a whole evening I am going to be a lot more discerning in how I answer that.
Anyways, the training was pretty basic, trying to see how we work in tandem, I think it went pretty well even if the blasters the terrorists have, had a hard time getting through our armor, when they could land a hit, you still can tell when you take a hit, and it helps learn to anticipate people. We are definitely going to do it again, I think we both felt it was a relief to get away from the things that have been the focus lately. And really when training and risking your life is cathartic it really is indicative of a problem.
I am going to work on more ideas for sharing with the Discovery, I still don’t like the ring to that name note to come up with something better, so that is where I will leave this log.
Signing off
Lucas Balias
Another slow day,
I bought some property and set up some drills and a dock on it, so that should save me some credits, and hopefully pull up some interesting minerals.
Did a lot of research and writing today as well. Going to start cataloging the creatures on Viscara and trying to learn more about them, seems like a useful thing to do well things are slow. I have the base outline for it, when I am happy with it I will give it to Teh, I wanted to have Sandra take a look at it but she was busy today, I will just have to speak to her tomorrow.
Saved someone by the name of Akri, or something similar to that I didn’t ask how to spell it, just happened across them getting mauled, and managed to get the Cairnmogs attention then after it was down I got him patched up, got him on his way and back to a safe area, hopefully he is more careful in the future.
Apparently my timing is impeccable often.
Signing off
Lucas Balias
Went from slow to busy pretty quickly.
This fungal infection is really worrying, aggressive, seems to spread quickly, I am trying to do what I can to study it and stop it. It’s been stressful, most my time is dedicated to working on it, I feel like I am the only one taking it as a serious threat.
It’s really be wearing on me, I am also largely left to work on it alone, it is so much work for one person… so much work, the sleep I can just catch up on later.
Well I need to get back to work, so.
Signing off
Lucas Balias.
It is odd to think you might be facing your own mortality.
I seem to have managed to infect myself with this fungus that has been spreading. According to the doctor that examined my my strain looks unique compared to others even…
I don’t even know how long I have or what this will be like.
These vivid visions though… I have a hard time telling what is real at times. I am going to try to log what they are so that I can hopefuly keep things clear and consise.
It started with that large thing… it looked like it was made of bone and shadow, followed by the ground turning to molten rock, and ice, and water… After that the blood explosion…
I ran after that one, and then it all went black and I was unable to move.
I awoke in a forest… something was eating a man… I tried to shoot it to no effect…
The smile… that smile… I don’t know what that smile was but it scared me.
I awoke in the hospital after that, apparently I had been wandering around in a daze…
That is when my blood was taken and I was barred from leaving the planet.
After that I had another vision, a lab of some kind… some spores being tested on people… their gasping and crying… it was awful… I don’t know what I am going to do… I can’t even tell what is real half the time anymore…
If my mind slips… I don’t want to become some mindless killer… I don’t want to give this to others… I hope someone can put me down before that happens.
Signing off,
Lucas Balias.
It’s been awhile since my last entry.
A bit has changed, my idea to open up a place for people to mingle and socialize has not been met with the excitement I had hoped… But I will keep trying to make it work. The grand opening had two people show up, Zain and Sandra. They are both good friends, I know they are each pretty busy, but they took the time to come in, it means a lot to me.
As for the disease well it seems my medical knowledge was worthless, it is something that knows how to hide itself and is some kind of anathema to the force. Really feels like all the time and effort I spent into researching it was pointless, it was not something I could have done anything about it.
The way it was explained is we have to let it run its course and then survive its’ effects after it becomes active. Which sounds like the worst idea ever. So instead we are planning to go and check out the old lab in the swamps, provided we can find it, and see if it links back to the vision I had. If it does it may be the breakthrough we need.
I am supposed to meet a man Tantooine, because I have some kind of potential, not sure what that was supposed to mean really but I am going to go all the same, I at least want to hear what they have to say.
Gene has been a bit of a handful lately I think he is just restless, or wants to make me busy, he is funny like that, probably the best stow away I could have asked for.
Sylia left to go an become a doctor, hopefully she becomes a good one and grows up a bit out there. Really her hatred of me still confuses me a bit, she even made rules for Zain forbidding me onto their ship and probably other stuff. I really hope she grows out of whatever the cause of that is.
As for Zain well I think he is going to be alright long term, once he comes to terms with their separation is temporary not permanent, four years may seem like a long time but it will pass soon enough. Currently he brings it up a lot though, it drives me a bit nuts, really feels like he jumps from one thing to obsess over to another, I wish I knew how to help him grow out of it.
Ira also came back, glad to see her around really, hopefully she lets people know before she just disappears next time.
I think that is all for updates really.
Signing Off
Lucas Balias
What a long day…
Tried to make a headway into the swamp to find that facility today and it went horribly.
Andro was such a liability I had to threaten to shoot him, I was close to doing it too…
Throwing lighting at a cyborg in the water?! What was he thinking, and then he got himself mauled by provoking the thing that just attacked Zain into attacking him and making Seela and I do emergency work on him well everyone else fought for our lives…
What a selfish disgusting person… But everyone made it out alive and more or less intact…
There was also an odd interaction with the infected animals and those of us infected, the animal was able to trigger our blindness, none of the other symptoms… yet…
They must have some way to communicate or something, that must also be how Zains knew to hide from me after it started effecting him.
It is a very troubling development…
Aside from that we were picked at by insects, attacked by plants, and other large lizards… which was also largely Andros fault for making a bunch of noise without needing to…
That aside everything else is much the same, we are going to try to make another journey with less Chaff ideally.
I brought Gene to the apartment with me for now, I think he likes the change in environment, he seems to at least, He also likes trying to climb the various pillars and scratch up the wooden boxes…
He is a trouble maker… you can tell it too because he stares at you well he does it provoking you to try to stop him…
That is really all to add for now,
Signing off
Lucas Balias
It’s been awhile since I wrote anything in this guess not much has been going on.
Gene is still doing well.
Why am I unable to use the force… I feel like a divide is growing between me and well… everyone, because I can’t understand it, I am incapable of utilizing it, I am just… inferior it feels like.
What should I do at this point?
I can’t figure it out, I just don’t know…
It could be I just don’t belong I guess…
Signing off.
Been doing a lot of work on my own, it seems like most people are too busy to really do much. I wish I could say I had more going on, but it is really just practiceing making armor, and selling odds and ends.
Gene is still doing well, I swear he is too clever for his own good, caught him getting into his food storage, going to need to put it somewhere more secure where he can’t just watch me and figure it out.
Aside from that the armor work has been going well, I am feeling confident in making most of it at least, it is very resource intensive though, so going to need to keep working hard at it.
Other then that, things are mostly slow, it sort of feels like people are drifting away, or it might just be me. Time will tell.
Signing Off
Lucas Balias
A partial entry is left behind
Well this latest task is interesting… Not much more to say on it at this time. I need to get in touch with my partner to do some actual planning.
That aside not much new to go over,