Natt's Natterings. (A journal)

In Character Roleplay
#1

Mood: Excited and nervous.

So I guess since I’m an official initiate in the Jedi Order now, I should probably start keeping this for posterity. I mean this is the first time I’ve been able to put down roots in a while. Part of my training is probably going to be keeping my thoughts and emotions in line or something, so…yay.

Not since I left home have a felt a place that feels even remotely close as the temple here on Viscara. I’m told it’s a “Force Nexus”, whatever that means. I guess it means the planet is full of the Force…and since I’ve been informed it’s likely the ocean spirit is a being of the Force, it makes sense.

I still find myself full of doubts though. Doubts I’ll fit in. Doubts I’ll learn properly. The Jedi all seem friendly, but I can sense that there’s so much hidden under each of them. It all seems like a stifling sort of tightness I recognize all too well. A tension that they try and hide behind calmness, but it’s there just begging to get out.

Is this how it’s supposed to be? Doesn’t that just make it build up until it explodes? I understand they’re powerful, and they have to be careful about using that power with their emotions all wacky. I just don’t know if I want to become the sort of person who hides myself like that. How can you be open to caring for others if you are closed off yourself?

As for me, I’ve taken to dealing with my own nerves by pouring myself into training. They have some excellent facilities here in the temple, complete with very well programmed training droids. Dancing with them for a few hours til I’m tired seems to do the trick. The fact I can heal minor scrapes and such doesn’t hurt. There’s also a very comfortable nearby lake, or if I really feel like going for a swim, I can hop a shuttle over to Mon Cala.

Anyway, hopefully my proper training begins soon. It seems pretty loose around here, at least for initiates, consisting of Padawans and Knights randomly teaching whatever they feel like. Still, I need to trust in the Force to guide me properly. Mom, dad, if you’re watching, I hope whatever I do I make you proud. I love you.

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#2

Mood: Contemplative.

A lot has happened since last entry. First and foremost there was a competition among Initiates called “The Pit”. I won’t write down what exactly happened here, but suffice it to say things did not go that well for me. There was a lot of team stuff, and I feel like I let the team down by not leading things very well. That said, I didn’t expect to do that great since I’m very new to this.

I did find myself getting frustrated, and even angry, but I overcame it by seeing the training for what it was. I accepted that hte past was the past, and moved on. It’s something I unfortunately have a lot of practice with.

Speaking of, there was also a trip to Glee Anselm where I helped a bunch of others clean things up. It was difficult seeing home in the state it was in, and I was glad I had to wear a helmet that hid my face. Still, I did as much as I could for the safety of those with me, and to clean the place up. I wish I could do more.

This being a Jedi thing seems very limited in what we can do honestly. I wish I’d paid more attention in school to more technical subjects, but I just couldn’t. Every time the ocean spirit would drag my focus away to something else. Lately that something else is a lot of pain as the war rages across the galaxy.

So…I’ve been training hard to do what I can to help bring this war to a close. Working myself every day, and pushing myself as hard as I can. I’ve felt so much suffering in various ways through the Force from it. So many different types of disturbances. Still though, I’m keeping my head up, and managing to smile.

I love you mom and dad. Say hi to Vessi and Zang for me. I miss you all so much.

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#3

Mood: Excited, exhausted!

(Recorded via voice, translated to text)

It finally happened. I got taken as a Padawan by Knight Balo Zyr. I had thought he had been observing me, but I didn’t want to get ahead of myself! He seems quite kind, and skilled, and I look forward to training under him. Plus he understands how nice it can be to have an animal friend.

Even as I train though, I hear stories of people running into trouble abroad. I haven’t really left Viscara in a while, since I understand the kind of attention making it know I am a Jedi can bring. Until I feel I can at least defend myself, I need to be careful, and pour myself into training. Travel with my master and other strong Knights, instead of walking alone like I used to. I can’t do any good if some super powerful Sith leaves me dead in a ditch!

Oh and man am I training. My master has me learning to sense things without seeing, a training I expected seeing other Padawans walk around trying to not slam into things. The challenge is keeping up with my existing training in this state. I’m finding being blinded in some ways actually helps me focus a bit MORE on my velocities. I’m noticing minor mistakes and correcting them easier, without things like the very…interesting paintings on the walls distracting me. Makes jogging a bit more tedious.

Anyway, I’m still going to keep at it mom and dad. One day I’ll be the sort of Jedi who makes people feel safe when they see me. I hope I make you proud. I love you, and Vessi and Zang. Miss you!

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