I hang in my tank, suspended.
The med-techs move outside, a blue tint to everything I see from within the Kolto suspension. My hand is pressed to the outer glass, where Burls mechanised gauntlet is pressed in turn. His concern for me, is it real? Merely remembered? or is it born of his connection to me. I can feel his life force through the glass, feel its link, and how easy it would be to take it all back and free him of his suffering… But that is a thought for the past, today we found the key, and perhaps he can be as he wishes finally. Of all my children, he is the one of which I am most proud.
The pain in my lower abdomen comes and goes, a fresh surge of pain between the itching tickle as the Kolto rebinds and regrows destroyed nerves. It is like being stabbed over and over again. The techs offer me pain suppression, but I refuse and they are too afraid to overrule me.
I need this.
I hate this.
I love this.
When did I last feel challenged as I did against Nulaa? Not since Kai took my eye and leg. To finally face someone not only worthy, but stronger than I? It was… Glorious. I have not felt that alive for so, so long. A warmth of a different kind builds within me as I remember our clash of wills, minds and bodies. She was so brave, so certain, so strong, and at the end I got to taste her fear, feel the energy released as that certainty, that bravery and strength shook as we bled together in the rain-soaked street of this insignificant little city on this wet mud ball of a backwater.
Diamonds from Muck.
Is this what it feels to be in love? This fiery, destructive joy? This wondrous healing pain?
I love you, Nulaa. Come and dance with me again soon and you can die happy under the caress of my blades, or prove yourself the stronger and I can finally rest…
This body will need some modification to catch up with her. I am so very excited.
I drift for a time, lost in my warm recollection.
I am split within myself. It would be so much easier if they would bow to me, kneel and accept that I know best, but that primal heart, that ravenous heat demands they fight, that they test and test and grow and test again, always pushing back against me and losing none the less.
What is victory of ones convictions if they are not tested? Hollow.
A smile drifts across my lips beneath the breathing mask. Their faces. Seela, Althea, Sylia, Andro… and no doubt on Sandra, too, though she worked so hard to remain unseen. I have always been true and honest with them, and yet they seemed shocked, saddened, angry.
Perhaps they simply did not listen as I told them they should.
The money means nothing to me, but it was… and is…
For the greater good.