Litii sighed and flopped backward onto the dock. It was raining, but then again it always seemed to be raining on Viscara. Not that she minded really. The deserts of Mirial were what she knew deepest in her spirit, but service to the Republic had shown her the beauty of various worlds and the deep beauty and stillness of lakes and oceans. One could argue they were the opposite of deserts, it was true, but they took her closer to home than most places did lately.
The texts teach us that all things serve fate and move towards it as it moves from them. Each action as a grain of sand in a handful that is a life. Each world of actions and live a dune. All of fate is as the deserts of Mirial. Empty, but not. Dead, but alive. All things are within the desert and all things are within fate.
She let out a somewhat strangled laugh as she coughed up a bit of dust from the drills of the day. Althea didn’t seem to want to let the Mirialan rest now that the wounds and soreness from the battle against the pirates were wearing off. The fact that Litii had managed to reach out to fate…to the Force through active effort at least once seemed to catch the former Jedi’s attention. And so, Litii was training her body to train her mind.
That was as near as Litii could figure it out anyway. She wasn’t about to ask. The drills gave her something to do and, in the end, that was what she was looking for on the planet. Sure, her last orders in any true sense had been to keep her eyes open and report to the Republic if she saw anything during her ‘rest’, but nobody had prepared the young woman for the chaos of not getting orders actively. Of organizing her own life again. Of living.
I suppose I did it to myself…
Her mind drifted back to the conversations she’d had up until she’d been discharged. Recon units never got to rest. Whether they were commandos or any other kind of soldier, there was always something new that needed doing. The close of the last war hadn’t changed that any more than the end of the war before it had. As the cartels had known forever, death and intelligence were always booming businesses.
Nothing had felt quite right after the actual wars had stopped though. Litii had tried to serve. She’d kept throwing herself into the work like was expected. Sergeant Litii was every bit the loyal soldier of the Republic. Each shot, whether recorded on a battlefield or quietly expunged from records as a criminal or traitor vanished, had sent ripples from the action and built her fate.
The problem had come when she realized one day that she almost didn’t care anymore. Another body, another day. Yes, she’d come a long way since she’d been ankles deep in mud and puking over herself after the first proper conflict she’d been in. Litii could have made a proper career of it. She knew all it would likely take is a word in the right ear and she’d be back to work, but what would the cost be? Her mind drifted…
“Take some time away. Think of it as practice. Someone with your skills could go a long way in Recon and beyond. Everyone needs time away from themselves though. So, the forces of the Republic agree to formally discharge you. However…don’t consider it true dismissal. You will be given final standings orders by a specialist which you will be expected to use to conduct yourself after your discharge. When you’ve made whatever peace you need to, you need only contact us again and we’ll be happy to resume your work at current rank and privileges. For now, you’re dismissed.”
Litii had saluted and left the office after that. She hadn’t been sure whether to be grateful or insulted by the officer’s tone. Treating her doubts on whether this was the life for her as if it was the thoughts of a child uncertain on whether or not she really wanted a particular sweet. Still…she had gotten what she’d hoped for to a degree providing they didn’t try to simply reinstate her for some reason outside of her own desires.
The lines though. She knew she’d been losing touch with the lines. The first line was the warning and the second one was the line after which there was no return. Leaving that office that day had been Litii’s attempt to put some distance between herself and that second line.
Just have to remind myself. I still don’t like how comfortable I am with killing. As long as I’m not comfortable with that, I can still find another fate. My ripples don’t always have to be bodies. Hold on to that thought. Hold on…
Sighing to herself, the Mirialan shifted some and folded her arms under her head. This place was as good as any to try and reach out again. The Jedi that had been speaking to Seela mentioned the rain held many lessons about the Force…about fate. So many things had run together since Litii had arrived that she had to believe fate meant her to hear that and to learn all she had thus far.
It had guided this far. All she had to do was keep letting it guide her. Admittedly, the sheer frustration of trying to find a way to touch on the focused state without her rifle still took its toll. Still…she had managed once. No rifle. Nothing but her and fate…the Force. Everything yet nothing as the deserts of Mirial. As the appearance of an ocean. Everything yet nothing.
Litii took a deep breath and began to mutter mantras under her breath in Mirialan as she slowly crept her way towards meditation.