“The Jedi believe the Force has its own will and nudges things towards certain ends. That it has a ‘destiny’ it pushes people towards.”
River stood upon a mountain cliffside on Viscara looking out in the direction of Veles city. She had been unable to sleep with her restless thoughts preventing her attempts. Out here at least felt a little more peaceful. The air was cooler up here and surprisingly calm right now. For once the weather of the planet wasn’t as wild or predictable as it usually is. Her mind continued to think about those words that had been said to her by Callista. It had been revealed that the Force had been playing a role in River’s uncanny intuition. Her ability to read people and glean some sense of their true nature was apparently being enhanced by it. It meant she had the capability to interact with the Force. Assuming that was the right word for it. Now it was a question of if she’d pursue trying to understand it more and strengthen that ability. Though Callista never said anything about joining the Jedi there was no denying they’d be among the best people to seek help.
But even that idea scared her…
Ever since coming to Viscara she had been on a journey of self-improvement and sustainability. All she had wanted to do was be a capable freelancer and help people out. Maybe do a little good in this crazy galaxy. But she couldn’t help but feel like something was trying to tug her along some other mysterious path. Was this the Force itself? Or merely her own insecurities playing tricks on her? She didn’t know. Couldn’t know. All of this was well and truly beyond anything she ever expected. Not just with the Jedi but also with the state of the galaxy. She’d already gotten herself mixed up with the Republic on one occasion. Learned about the Sith Empire and it’s campaign of conquest and destruction. She’d also seen that the Czerka controlled city itself wasn’t exactly a beacon of fairness and prosperity. Not that she’d expected anything to be perfect out here but she never thought she’d be in caught in the middle of a war while trying to make a name for herself.
Her emotions were all over the place as she thought about everything. There was so much she wanted to do. Things she wished she could do. In some ways she’d been achieving some of them. She had a ship now, albeit one that was basically given to her by Mart and she was determined to pay back in full. She’d gained a few people she considered friends. But even then she still felt like she had to be careful. Neutrality was protecting her at the moment but she couldn’t be completely honest with just anyone about what was going on in her mind. Some favored the Sith Empire, others favored the Jedi and the Republic. She wasn’t in a good place to go making any enemies so she tried to keep up the facade that she had her own affairs in order. Reality couldn’t be further from the truth. In many ways she felt more lost and alone than ever.
“What am I supposed to do?” She asked within her own thoughts. “Why do I feel this way? I want to understand.”
Her mind starts to flash back towards different points in her life. Her memories become distinct flashes as she recalls her early childhood. When her family used to be happy. It shifts soon after into all the time she spent in the lower levels of Coruscant after running away from home. Surviving on the streets, dealing with gangs, even finding her way into one herself. Though she somehow knew these people were different. Despite the dangers of the lower city levels they had banded together primarily to look out for each other. They were some of the first people she truly felt she could trust and considered friends. But they were gone now. She had made it offworld and left them behind. Now she found herself missing them and missing home.
She felt the tears start to involuntarily slide down her face…
“I can’t go back. I’ve come too far already.” she thought to herself as she slid down onto her knees.
Rain started to slowly fall in that moment. The weather could change at a whim on Viscara. But it didn’t bother River. She sat there on the mountain letting the rain wash over her and blending her tears with the water. Then she felt a change. A shift in her mind like something nudging her. She remembered her encounters with the Jedi so far. The trandoshan named Qy and how he gave her the information she needed to help a friend. Tara who had been one of the first she met who was kind and understanding but also incredibly skilled in a fight. Then there was Callista, who had such a brightness and warmth to her that made River feel more at ease than with anyone else she’d met. They were all different. At no point had she gotten the feeling they were hiding anything. They were honest, open. Maybe a little intimidating because she didn’t fully understand them. But she had a very clear feeling about them.
Maybe she could trust them. Maybe it would be worth the risk to get their help. It might mean she can’t remain neutral forever. Someone would notice her spending time around Jedi. But she needed to understand this connection and these feelings. She wanted to know what the Force was trying to tell her. Finally she started to feel calmer as she sat there in the rain with her eyes closed. The unease and loneliness subsiding more as her mind seem to arrive at this conclusion.
The Force wants me to understand it, and the Jedi can show me how.