Sandra Mana: Confused


#1

Sandra sits alone atop her apartment. A finger twirls through her long red hair as the wind accents the graceful flow through the air

“I could not believe what I heard of Althea. I suppose I should act as I do and mind myself then. Regardless, we have to try a new plan now that I will likely dislike. There is much to do it seems. It seems my skills will be put to use to some degree soon…”

She takes out the lightsaber she was gifted only a few days ago and looks on it. The lightsaber that had seen war and strife, but also one of a grand mind. His lightsaber…

“I have been asked a few times if I really want a Master. At first, I would have said no, or passively changed the topic, but now…I…I ah…I keep looking at his lightsaber. He is afraid to take on a student again, though he passes on some lessons. I am afraid to ask, or perhaps I am discomforted at calling someone Master again. Yet, I…I think him and I could…”

Sandra shakes her head and stands abruptly and paces back and forward.

“I could not make a good student. I was not even picked properly by a Master! I was chosen because…I tripped in front of My Master and he laughed. He said that it was fated that I would bring a smile to his face in such a serious decision. I was…astonished! Shamed! Yet…he chose me. He raised me…”

Her eyes water as she grips her hair and looks up at the rain as it begins gently.

“What do I…need? This master who is coming…there are many force sensitives he could choose from. A master came and choose Seela and she has far less experience of any of us. Wait…why am I thinking of having a Master at all…? What is…what am I feeling?”

Sandra shakes her head and looks at the lightsaber in her hand still.

“…Do…Do I…want Verrac to teach me…? To be his partner? Why does my heart race so intensely when I think of calling him Master? What is…wrong with me? Goodness…I am rather flustered and confused. So confused.”

She sits at the edge of the building and looks on the lightsaber, rotating it and thinking on so many possibilities that she becomes frustrated and suddenly stops. She puts the saber away and just sits there quietly in the rain. Sandra takes out her old holovid and watches it to tears. Finally, she returns to her room, closes everything and just sits in a quiet corner until she falls asleep, the perfectly made bed is ignored.


#2

A day later she spends time wandering around on her own. Looking about without really seeing. A hand wanders through her hair as a breeze catches her. She smiles gently to the fresh mountain air.

“Very well…pros and cons to having a Master. That is a good way to process things, yes? Well…cons. Always cons first. One, maybe he is kind of crazy after the war? I have not seen many positive mentalities from people who returned from the war. Maybe I will be underwhelming compared to all he has seen and to the trained Padawans here?”

She paces around her usual haunt by the apartments. A hand tugs at an end of hair passively.

“I am…kind of boring also. I do not have much of an aggressive streak like the others do. I approach things so differently and um…maybe that would be boring for them? Verrac is really energetic, so um…I ah…am a clear contrast. Then I am not good at fighting. He uses force tricks, which I am better at, but I have really only been comfortable with Soresu compared to much else. He is interested in learning also, so…maybe that is something we can do together. But…can I call someone Master? Can I be a student?”

Sandra kicks a rock and blows some hair aside.

“So um…Pros. I am rather clever and observant. I have a lot more skills than the average Padawan! I am patient and analytical. I learn rather quickly. We have a lot in common it seems…and ah, he feels so much like my master was. He looks at me and replies honestly and sometimes humorously to bring my spirits up. It catches me off guard…”

She looks at the people passing by as they mind their business.

“Why am I still lost in this…? It is rather exhausting, but I…I should take this seriously. If by some how we…do make such an alliance, it will change our lives. And this other Master coming…he said that this fellow is good at training students, but…ah…I am giving myself a headache!
I suppose I will mind myself for now. I just need more time…”

Sandra returns to gathering herself and sits quietly on her own…