Sandra Mana: Direction

[MissMora]

Sandra paces around the main room of her ship with just a long white T-Shirt. Her long hair sways to and fro as her bare feet nudge on the ground she circles. After about an hour of this, she goes to lay on the floor of the ship. Something about the coldness of a ship’s metal is always relaxing and brings her peace as the cold seeps into her skin. Regardless, she thought about several things as they came to mind. As she laid there sprawled out and her hair creeping about like streams of lava…she dreamed, gazing up at the ceiling.

When you work as a spy, it’s easy to think of people as assets. Resources to accomplish a goal. Because you don’t have a personal relationship with an asset. You don’t care about an asset. You don’t miss the scent of an asset when she leaves the room. You don’t stay up at night thinking about an asset’s kisses, her laughter, and the way she holds you when you’re crying.

Sandra waves a datapad to her hand and turns it on. She looks on the various pictures of Callista and just sighs. While she knew her method of showing the means of seperating was perhaps harsh with the destruction of the ring, it was one that was needed. It was some times hard to remember that what she had to do didn’t mean that she’d get to take away from the Order. They needed her and it was selfish to keep her from them. While everyone has been pretty much begging her to be more selfish, it wasn’t the point.

Happiness doesn’t stem from using each other for joy.
Happiness doesn’t bloom from relationships.
Happiness doesn’t exist from just wanting.

It came from treasuring yourself. Happiness comes from seeing your accomplishments and the changes you’ve affected. It comes from taking joy in the things you’ve learned! Sandra may not adore all the ways that she learned things, but she remembered that she’s so effective now because of it all. People rely on her to do so much and it was because she took in everything from those who gave all to see her succeed.

Maybe the break was for the best. It tore at her heart, but for the last few days, her mind was oddly clear. She wasn’t thinking about where they would have to sneakly meet, when they both had the time, how to keep things quiet, and more. Being with a Jedi was complex and exhausting in many ways. She wondered again how Mart must have felt when she left him alone so much and barely had time to sneak out to love him back then. And she remembered Beryn’s determination to make her the future, so perhaps…this was a way to free some guilt and pressure from them also. There was so much more to consider, but it didn’t matter.

Sandra lets the datapad in her hand drop to the side and she sighs quite heavily. There was still a fair bit to do. Learning Operations from Bernie, self study and practice, going on missions, and even just trying to have a social life. It was nice to get to go out and Dance and do lovely things.

She sits up and rubs her thighs gently as she pondered what would come to be now. It was so that her own fights in the war would come and it was perhaps a way to keep focused despite all that’s happened.

“…I guess that’s just how it goes…”

[MissMora]

Sandra returns to her ship in her black stealth outfit. She runs a hand in her hair before looking on the datapad updates. There was a fair bit to attend to, but things are a bit lighter lately. Maybe because everything is in so much chaos that her place in it hasn’t been found yet or that it’s finally being resolve. Regardless, it’s been fairly quiet on her end outside of a single spying operation and studying Operations with Bernie. It was a lot to take in, but fascinating.

Sandra looks on the ring she wares from Callista and sighs lightly. Seeing her at the Beach party was quite lovely and holding her a moment brought some joy to see her so well. In the meanwhile, she had been getting around to speak with many people… even reunite with Padawan Puru, who was likely the closest to her in terms of training along the lines of a Shadow. Meeting Shade again too was a curious thing. In some ways, they did their best to break expectations and defied their own notions of stability. While they were on opposite ends of their respective spectrums, she wondered what it would take for either of them to turn one way or another. Perhaps for them…there was no way back.

“I don’t know what to ask Vrake for still. What do you do when you have one chance to know the truth? What do you do when you have one chance to see a reality that’s beyond your grasp? Do you use it for yourself? For someone else? For nothing? I don’t know what to do with it. Callista said to ask for something about Revan, but… what could even be done with that? It’s not like the Jedi dont know. I need…something that I don’t think the Jedi would expect me to ask, or maybe it’s super obvious. Maybe i’m just unsure. Perhaps I could ask for study on the Force Cloak. I’m already developing that though! Ugh…”

She sits on a chair and puts her face in her hands, thinking quietly a moment about nice things again. The smiles on everyone’s faces at the beach. Even her time lately with Griggs and Markus who are so extremely sweet to her in their own ways that it makes her blush. It was nice to have a friend or two that she could really relate to that were not just Jedi. Connecting with the mundane was important as well for her own sanity. There were a lot of new people around, and while socializing wasn’t something she really liked, sometimes it was…fun.

“…Maybe I shouldn’t ask for anything. Maybe the one thing I asked for was all I really needed to know. Callista is showing me some things, i’m showing her some too. We have to find the means to help each other and push for the galaxy we envision. It’s only a matter of time. Time…”

She looks up at the coolness of the ship and finds a comfort in it. A few tappings on her comm and the lights go out. As the camera pans around…Sandra is no where in sight…

[MissMora]

Sandra sits alone at her desk on the ship. She couldn’t help but feel some contempt for Corbin at this moment, but also it was a realization that things were really changing and changed a lot. The runny eye liner on her cheek is barely wiped. Nothing truly remains static, despite what the Sith or Jedi really feel about the way the galaxy moves, and it’s something she’s discovered being on her own for a full year now.

In her semi-formal black attire, she stands up from the desk and goes to look out at the beach of Mon Cal. The gorgeous waves and sunset glowing before her as she stands against the gentle wind. It’s here she comes to put the last few months together to realize everything that’s happened. To realize that the way to finding the truth of reality, in her Autonomy, was a truly humanistic experience.

“You know, Master… you’ve saved me more times than I can ever say. I don’t have a way to tell you how much I miss you and how much I loved you so. I don’t have a way to tell you that you were my father if such a thing could have ever been. I can look at the sunset again because I finally heard you. I realized my Autonomy, found love, defeated my rival, and more! I heard you! I finally …I …I finally heard you…”

As tears run, she thinks… on everything…

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From the first time she met Callista, Rowler, Iskellia, and Markus …her life really changed. After dealing with Artemis and leaving the Order, she slowly realized what it was like to be a ‘person’ and to look with a brighter disposition.

She had found Callista and shared a love more powerful than she could ever imagine she could produce, and it changed her life. Callista saved her. Callista showed her a light that she was afraid to reach for and finally, with all Sandra’s heart, she lept and knew the glory of her own salvation. Callista was more than just the sheer guiding moral compass for herself when she was basically an assassin with the twisting of Artemis. She found aspects of her inner Jedi again and walked on a path to salvation. Despite their more formal break up… there are something that can never be severed. The bonds people can forge can cross expanses and even death.

Bernie. The Head of Mon Calamari’s security. He’d given her a chance to really find herself after being lost when she left the Order. Working for him had been refreshing and wonderful because he knew the lines she didnt want to cross. He was teaching her to be an Operations leader and how to find a means to retirement as an Agent. Even letting her teach at the Coruscant Military Academy a few times to see if that’s something she wanted to do. He really opened so many doors for her and she didn’t think anything she did was a way to repay him truly.

Darian, he had gone from being a shadow her past to her friend. The one who showed her how to hold a blaster when she was 14, the first crush she ever had, and someone who really talked to her as a human being despite knowing all that she did and would do. It was something that made her heart happy. He adored her and loved her and while she was with Callista then… maybe he could have been a wonderful person to find a life with. Despite so… he was arrested after joining Jace, Q, and Corbin, for the mission that would have him locked away at a Black Site to sit forever. She finds his loss a wound in her heart. Would they ever meet again?

The Jedi. There were a lot of them now. Master Beryn’s passing was a heavy matter and while she wasn’t sad for it anymore as he asked, she did her best to try and be a decent person. Corbin, Silvia, Iskellia, Q, River, Dominic, Puru, Tara, Feya, and more… they were struggling among themselves, but they were doing a little better. Corbin and Iskellia became Callista’s Padawans and Althea took on Tara. There was a lot to go still and that she herself has been given a pass to teach Jedi at the Temple due to the lack of teachers. It was nice to teach again and she was already really good at it. Maybe it was a way to get her back into the fold too. Was hard to say, but it didn’t matter… it was pleasant to make the students see what could be. Many are dying and turning and maybe they would all die too before the end. Maybe she herself would…

The Sith. It was really hard to see so many wanting to seek the Dark Side. It was the easy route. It was the safe one that granted power. And like anything else, that power costs something. It takes just as much as you take from it and it’s hard to come back. She herself almost never came back. But now she knew…
Despite her own affairs, Kiki, Vilnia, and Tess made their way to the Jedi. Seeing these people come back maybe reinforced her own thoughts that maybe redemption was a good way. Despite all that, there were those who didn’t come back.
Nephtyria… the Sith Lord who was her rival. She had finally defeated her and despite wanting to take her life, found a way to let her be. Corbin had cried for her and she spared Neph for Corbin’s sake. For his own sanity. Maybe it was the Jedi way…who knows…

There was more also. Meeting people like Griggs, Solomon, Sania, Leiza, and more! They were the flavor of live that reminded her that her training was an accent to reality, not the definition of it.

Through it all, she realized her deeper humanity.
She lived as a Spy and Shadow with the Jedi.
She lived as an Agent with Bernie.
She lived as a fiancee with Callista.
She lived as a friend to those she tried to shun and loved her more.
She lived as a Padawan to a Master who turned her into an angel.
She lived as a woman.

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So it was all that she had left to do was to look at the sunset to see a bright future, because only looking down at your feet and shadow won’t fix anything. For the first time in a while, she thought of the Shadow’s Code and then thought about the Force. She takes out her lightsaber and looks on it. It shines a purple and a soft glow from the burning skies and when she turned on the Cyan blade, she closes her eyes. She suddenly shouts out to the ocean…

“Master! Are you watching me! I’m going to find you and show you! I’ll show you that everything you did for me was worth dying for. That you gave me a future that I can give others! I’ll show it all to you. I’ll tell you who I am now! Look at me, Master!”

"My name is Sandra Mana! And I used to be a Spy."

As the night comes and the Sunset goes to vanish… all that’s left in the night is a silhouette and a single glowing blade of light. A reminder that perhaps in every darkness is a little light that can emerge.

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END SEASON

M O O D Music: Kiseki Wo Nozomu Nara (English Version)