Sandra turns on the refresher in the ship and lets the water run.
The make up is wiped off her face and discarded to the bin.
She sits on the floor and just lets the water fall on her.
The water masks the fair amount of tears running down her face.
The puddle of water before her reflects the face before showing more…
Leading to the moment, Sandra shifts through the day in her mind…
The day began with Padawan Callista.
Such a kind and thoughtful person whom ended up inviting her to a lecture by Knight Beryn. A lecture…a proper one by a more traditional Jedi. It sounded nice. So she decided to go.
Meeting then after with Sith Lord Kross approved several of the thoughts she had about him. He was a Lord of the Sith. Something akin to a Jedi Master. It was intense to hear and more so difficult to restrain herself as a trained Shadow for an organization she didn’t even truly know…
Alas, he spoke honestly to her and so…she trusted him.
Now the spy game was afoot, she would usually say, but he was so honest and genuine that she was morally confused. So they would find Artemis together and bring his goal to fruition. He said he just wanted to see if he could make her smile, then he would know for sure that he could bring smiles to others in the universe. Was is goal so simple? Maybe…it actually was.
Sith Lords were a part of her day. Neft, Bob, and Shade made an appearance. Master Keyan made his showing also and it bright light to her heart to see him ready for action. It was tense, but I had to nudge the notion of walking away more aggressively and do so, lest everyone keep watching the madness between Beryn and Shade. The students got away well enough, in the least.
The following time was spent with Shade.
Seeing her brings an odd comfort. She was fairly close to her sister as well and they knew how to speak to each other in a way that was perhaps more like an exchange of minds and thoughts without the saber wagging. They put on a good show of Jedi and Sith, but in the dining hall, it didn’t really feel that way. They both seek to improve in their own ways, but there was a mutual respect that is had. Everyone fears her as, but to Sandra, it was like seeing an old rival. Just working to improve their situations and evolve to be their best selves. Perhaps…she was the most that she could relate to.
The Jedi have not gotten back to her yet. She was sure the war was their first and foremost focus, but her own doubts and identity crisis was beginning to win. More doubts make their way about what she really is. She had to know what the meaning of her own use was. The curiosity was so strong that it was maddening. The truth would set her free, but they were in her way. Master Crashy Ship knows…he has to know. Why won’t they tell her?! Why, WHY?! The feelings stew…
Twins of a curious sort were encountered today also. They seem to be making measure of the Jedi. Perhaps they are considering something deeper such as who to throw hat in with. They seem to have a fair bit of anger hidden deep inside them and she worried for this.
Callista and Isk are quite the pair. They always seem to make the day less…annoying. They conversed about Isk’s plan to train in the force and to prep for the surgery she wishes to have. It was suggested she see someone who is truly a healer or at least one in training. Sandra suggested Lacie of the Jedi Order, but otherwise, she was praised her for her progress. Callista invited her to a girls night out with Isk. It…made her feel like her old self, the one Verrick adored and cherished. With a deeper excitement inside, she agreed to the activity. Fun time in 2 days!
Finally, she went to try and look nice for Mart the evening. Sandra spent some time putting on make up and something cute so he can stare at her with naughty eyes, but she arrived with guests in his house. Surely embarrassing, but she played it off fairly well as she was known for being well dresses randomly anyways. The eve with Miss Zvadras was well enough and Mart clearly had chemistry with her. In the end, Mart and Sandra went to her ship to talk about their relationship, or what was left of it. Mart had revealed his truth to her and she grew dry mouthed and sweaty palmed. It seems they were not going to end well as after the conversation, she gently motioned for him to leave.
Now…
Sandra sits in a corner of the refresher and bawls into her knees as she hugs her legs to her chest. It was all she could do at the moment to let everything out. The feelings of betrayal and self failings on her part were crushing to the identity crisis teen. The water drowned out the sounds of her thoughts and agony…
The strain of having a loved one disappear for weeks affects people differently. Spend enough time as a covert operative and you know better than to try to predict the outcome of a long-awaited reunion. Of course, some reunions are more unpredictable than others. The feeling of losing your loved one from a career of lies and separation is one of deep regret.
“…That’s just…how it goes…” she whispers faintly