Sandra Mana: Perfect

Doom and Gloom

Sandra walks into her apartment. To describe her feeling would be akin to a breeze, just strolling invisibly through time and space. Nothingness, and that was perfect. She felt perfect just the way she was.

A soft sigh escapes and the darkness and light inside her mix and swirl like two colors of flavors that do not blend together, but bind up instead to make a confection of art. She takes a step forward and another breath lets from her chest. Why was this feeling so right? She had not realized she was staring in the mirror of her bathroom, but the redhead looked back in the reflection, and for the first time in so long, she felt…


Sandra smiles and giggles for some time, leaning on the sink as she laughed and tears ran down her face. To use the Dark Side of the Force and to be forged with the Light Side of the force to be the perfect weapon.

“I am…a Monster, who will rend evil from its roots. I am a Beautiful Monster. My lightsaber and powers will bring balance and order to the universe.”

A whisper from her lesson plays in her mind…

"I can teach you things that your fellow Jedi could never dream of."
"When you are nothing…You can be anything you want."
"The force truly is what it is. Stop doubting it. Stop fearing.
You do not have to, so stop thinking you do. You are in control.
Nobody else is."

“I am in control…I am in control! I will be…The Shadow.”

Sandra slowly falls to her knees on the cold bathroom floor and laughs happily for once. She laughs and runs a hand through her hair as she had let the dark and light inside her find their way together. Though practice was needed, she knew what she had to do. She has an honest goal again. She had felt Whole.

“I feel Whole. It is okay, yes? It is okay for me to master this? I felt my true potential through Artemis and I…I want it. I adore feeling like everything is right! Like I am so balanced.”

Finally, she whispered into her own mind, the final words

“I am so proud of you, Sandra.”

Sandra sits there in the bathroom and immediately begins to Meditate where she is. Feeling both side on and off…mixing her cocktail of perfection…


Sandra returns home after a long day of gathering, training, eaves dropping and other various activities. She goes to sit on the table and lays back on it for now, looking at the ceiling and smiling.

“Ah…it was such a nice day. It was curious to see that Jhoren fellow a few times. He was teaching some force lessons to Jerr. I am impressed by Jerr’s resolve and wisdom from history. I think he is someone who would make a good jedi artifact hunter and seeker of knowledge. I always enjoy my time with him…”

Sandra sits up and crosses her legs

Damien is a sharp fellow. He has a dislike for Jedi, which is fine to have, but he at least is honest about it. Zain will try to smile at a Master and be nice. I can respect Damien’s Zest. He did get quite injured today and was quite polite up until Nate wanted to see if I would let him try his hand at being an initiate. He just…flipped like a second person was there. No matter. If he can apply that zest to being a student and fighting then the Sith have much to worry for. Jacen will do good work with him…”

Sandra lets her legs out and removes her boots slowly. She looks on her legs and runs her hands along pale legs. A squeeze is given on her thighs before she thinks again

Zain went all insane suddenly. First he is nice, then he is utterly insane. I do not understand the plight of his complaint, because it came so suddenly from no where. Saying I do not understand the poor, the struggles and so on. There was nothing I could say in that moment that would have made anything better with everyone near by with their own sentiments of Jedi disdain, rivalry, or issues. It was better to just say I was inferior and leave than make issues with Zain and his ‘Father’. But the best part? He likely goes to Irad for his comfort, a Jedi. I love this irony…”

“Sadly, I had to abandon Nate in his position, but I think it will be a fine test to see his resolve in how badly he wants this. If he gives up easily then I will know he is at least worth looking into. Maybe they will do some in arguing also and figure things out. Either way, it will be amusing.”

Sandra giggles and runs a hand through her hair

Kho has been legendary. I never speak of him much but the guy fully geared me and has been keeping my stuff in check since I got back from the Horrid mission to pick up Iradtoki. He kind of inspired me to take on more armorsmithing. We all live on the Hillside, so he has asked me to pick up some things now and again. He pays well and I do not mind because he keeps my house running. It is only fair.”

Tran has been a kind of creepy neighbor. But lately he has been calming down his odd compliments and frequent smirks. Maybe someone gave him a scolding. Who knows. He is genuine about his sister though and he has a good blaster hand. He has a pretty strong sense of freedom.”

Jaycen, my dear Padawan. I cannot even begin to state how proud of him I am. He took everything I felt was the best of me and made it his own. He has wisdom, skill, and elegance in his words for conversation. I really cannot complain.”

“Artemis, she has told me to join the Nova Initiative. Seems there is a bit of a plot to deal with, but I will do all she asks. There is also a chance I can get to meet Master Atris! How fascinating! Like she said…I need to just keep a cool head and know my manipulation arts. I can do this. I am the Perfect Monster. I am whole and beautiful…”

Sandra giggles more and lays on her back as she lets the dark and light mix…giggles and laughing as she finds such peace on that soft floor


Sandra spends a few hours every night now after meeting Artemis to try and focus on her Force Cloak. She had not usually tried to apply dark sided energies to the technique, more so out of worry, but now…she was Whole and felt so wonderful.

It was light at first, slowly letting little by little…testing the ingenuity and weight of what was needed to move a few steps faster in the Force Cloak. If even a half step faster…she was successful. But there was something different about using the darker energy as supplement. Easier was not the word she wanted to use, but perhaps less complex. Like figuring a slicing code, but then finding she has been using faulty wires.

“Why does this feel so different now? I need to figure out the reasoning. Is it because of confidence change or how I use the Force more intently? I can only speculate for now, but I must keep going. I need to be more effective…”

Sandra ties up her hair and practices out in the woods for another hour by herself…testing herself against the outlaws in the woods and melding to shadows until the sun nearly rose.


Sandra sweats and pants after more initial testing of the Force Cloak’s capacities. She sits on the grass in the when the snow begins to fall. A hand runs through her hair as she peeks up at it

“Adding Dark Side energy seems to make the Cloak fizzle at odd intervals. I think that this particular force arte is a measure of Light Side energy. It seems that it was not designed to combine more energy, but instead to be infused more with the correct one. It means I need to be careful when I hop between Dark and Light energies as the Cloak requires different emotions and concentrations to function.”

Sandra lays in the cool grass and closes her eyes

“This is beginning to make more sense. Now that I know I just need one half of the spectrum, I can just work to use more of said energy to power the Cloak for longer periods and work towards taking quicker steps. Learning is a process and failures are what guide a person to understanding that which is needed for success. Anyways, all in good time. I need to be my best for the Nova Initiative and to execute the plan Artemis has. I need to be smart…”

Sandra smiles slowly and laughs a little before resuming training


Sandra returns to her house and throws her bag into a chair before laying on her stone table. She groans long and softly at her agitations and exhaustion. Her legs swing a slight as they hang off the table and her eyes scan the ceiling. Her comm beeps again and she takes it and throws it against a wall.

There is a peace with the item being shattered against the wall. The beeps in her head suddenly gone and the universe is quiet. She laughs at how nice it is and lays on her side as laughter suddenly takes her.

The image of Mart being choked and his feelings for her now, the whispers she is encouraging, the spy game she plays, the training of dark and light, the pre-planning she is doing, the matter of Zain hopefully passing, poor Irad in Mon Cal, Tran having asked for the Cloak ability, the matter of the undead user, the issues Aedan is beginning to feel, the safety of her Padawan, and so much more rises in her mind, but all she can do is laugh. The laughter as some tears roll down now remind her she is still alive and exhausted. Being pushed into these social situations she detests, yet she was pretty good at it.

The feisty redhead slows down and both her hands through her hair as she stretches like a kitten along the table with a squeaking yawn. Maybe she should just pass every issue to Seela. She is pretty, likes talking to people, and is better at it.

Finally, Sandra just curls up and slowly disappears as her desire to vanish and be alone surfaces for a while…then slowly sleep takes her.


Covert intelligence involves a lot of waiting around. Know what it’s like being a spy? Like sitting at your dentist’s reception area 24 hours a day. You read holozines, sip coffee, and ever so often, someone tries to kill you.

Sandra lays on the ground staring at the night sky, sweating and panting rapidly. She had been training vigorously for several hours as she worked on forms and other force related concentrations. The lightsaber staff in her hand shined beautifully under the slight light to barely make it visible.

Training at night made her comfortable. It was pleasantly lonely, somber, and peaceful. If people were coming her way then she could just vanish or slide behind a tree.

One thing Sandra was glad for is working with Jaycen, Seela and Althea. She knew how they worked and what their processes were on a task. It was…comfortable. It was also safer.

One reason to work with the same people is you know each other’s moves. So if you shoot at your team in the middle of an operation, they know to go with it.

There was a lot she wanted to do also. So much she sought to gleam from the power, wisdom, and courage Artemis has within her, but she needed to have patience. Then there was her former master…the sight black and white hair that slipped from the hood and the odd fact that he was quite handsome seemed a contrast to then energy that Artemis portrayed. Sandra needed to work hard so that she could face up to opponents she may not even be ready for. She had to be creative and clever.

“I will be the one to guide those with me to greatness…”

Finally, she tried to replicate some of the abilities she used with Artemis when they were melded, but with no avail. She tried to combine different emotions like mixing cocktails in order to create the feeling needed to design such a build up like before. A bit of time is spent on this every so often, but she decides to go home after. Letting this be for now. When home, all she could do was lay in bed and quickly pass out from utter exhaustion.


She stands in the shower for a fair while and lets the water run down her form. Her eyes study the ceiling of the ship as the metal absorbs the light on its refracted surface. Finally, she turns off the water and dries up. Steps through the small ship echo’s slightly as she sits on her bed. Her hands pick up a fruit and she gets up to set it on a table. A flashback rings in her ears…Artemis.

“Raise your hands…make it quick, painless. Go for the neck. Together, together we can kill them all at once. Imagine the force around them and feel it around their necks. Begin pushing in, on everyone you see here, with my power and yours together.”

"Kill them."

Sandra winces and tries to crush the fruit across from her. She strains for hours as she tries to recall the feeling that Artemis gave her for executing such an action. Sandra had done it before with her help. She has to learn…she had to do it again! Two hands extend out like she would choke a neck and squeezes, manipulating the area around the fruit to compress.

"Kill them." Artemis whispers in her mind as she flashbacks

“Come one…Come on! Rwaaaa!!! DIE!”

Sandra begins to laugh exhaustedly as Artemis’ voice plays in her head from a previous lesson

“You’re worried because others have told you where it leads to. But it’s a lie. A Shadow on the wall, meant to scare you. Normal Jedi would fall to the dark and become horrible beasts that must be KILLED. We are not Normal.”

“We don’t even exist. We can do anything we want.”

“When you’re nothing…You can be anything you want.”

Artemis strokes Sandra’s cheek lightly

“You’re the only monster i’ve met like me that can love. You feel love for those around you, despite knowing what they are. It’s an unbelveable pain, to feel that way. This is what I have trained you for. The dark is a tool we can turn against them. We’re not like them. We know that it can be used for good. You can be free. You can finally be…You.”

“I know more than any Jedi you’ll ever meet. I could rip apart Hohenfel with a THOUGHT. Destroy the High Council in a night. Ask, ask and I will give you exactly what you need. You are everything. Ask, and what is mine is yours…”

*Sandra whispers *
“Please…show me…”

“It is time to show you what I am capable of.”

“…yes, Master…” Sandra fades away…

A little juice slips out of the fruit and Sandra bends over panting and sweating. Slowly her legs wobble and her knees hit the floor of the ship. This was it. This was the sensation Artemis tried to show her. It was pathetically meager, but it was a start…

“…I am nothing, therefore, I am everything. I am a beautiful monster…”

Sandra sits on the floor and laughs wildly…letting the dark swirl inside her for a time…


Five Months Ago

Sandra steps out of a ship into a muddy wasteland. Instead of noticing the mud, the rain, and ruins around her, she feels like she may pass out from the horrible and corrupt place. Skeletons litter the area and a rainstorm quickly brewing. Artemis speaks…

“Do you know where we are?”

“G-Goodness gracious, um…I do not. This looks like utter destruction.”
Sandra holds her stomach

“Serroco. It was the site of a horrible battle in the Mandalorian War. They used nuclear bombs to destroy everything.”

“W-What? Oh my…”
Sandra lets the scene sink in

“What remains now is shadow. The Dark Side. Only pain…as if the force had left the place. it is no nexus, but listen closely. The dark grows where light does not shine.”

“H-How do we c-change …this?”

“You don’t. This will be like this forever. This is the death of life and therefore, the Force. I want you to stop and think about this feeling. Look around. Each of these bodies, were people, with families that wanted nothing to do with Mandalore or the Republic. How does it feel…the pervading shadow, Padawan? When the Force abandons a place…This…is what happens.”

“Um…t-this is more intense than anything I have ever imagined or feel…”
Sandra chirps

“Stop resisting it, Sandra. Let it in. You need to learn what it is. What it’s like! Otherwise you can’t fight it.”

Artemis squeezes Sandra’s hand and uses the other hand to remove her hood. Her face is pale and she has dark circles under her eyes, but there is a warmth and care to her gaze. A unique expression she clearly only grants her Padawan. Sandra lets a shaky breath and lets her defenses down one by one, allowing the energy to breach her small body.

Sandra feels the Dark Side inside herself. At first, it’s horrifying, the light fading as darkness engulfs it. Her whole body tenses and then…it relaxes. Her feelings open up and she begins to accept her faults and she feels GOOD. She feels INCREDIBLE! She feels…Powerful.

A piercing scream erupts from Sandra and Artemis comes from behind and places her hands on Sandra’s shoulders

“Let it all go. Let me help you let it go.”

They bond and Sandra feels a surge rip through her body. She looks in desperation to several rocks and massive boulders. They are flung away like plastic toys. Rocks flung all about in her fit of power. She screams and rages!

“I am not a baby! I am not some prissy redhead to be used as a beckoning for romance and lust! I am a JEDI!! I AM NOT A FOOL!”

Boulders erupt and skeletons fling about. Yet despite the utter destruction and quick moment of adrenaline calming, she feels as if she can do this a thousand times over.

“W-Why does it feel like…I am invincible? Why…?”

Artemis walks behind Sandra and places her hands on her shoulders, leaning in to whisper.

“Because you are, when you wield it. I told you a long time ago, that you are a Shadow. You don’t exist. Your purpose, is to destroy the Dark. There will always be Dark, but behind the light. So why wouldn’t we use it to destroy those who misuse it?”

“How…d-do I use it properly…?”

“You just used it. You just…let go and let it in. It’s everywhere for it is the Force. Here, it is stronger. We can use death, horrors and destruction to our advantage…when destroying those who would cause it. It is always there…you just don’t see it.”

“So um…it is okay to use it as if it was a blaster or such…?”

“Exactly, The Force is a tool. The Jedi use it to keep peace, but The Shadows…more accurately, The Covenant, use the Dark to destroy the Dark. Imagine, confronting Rathi…with THIS power. What incredible change and peace could you bring?”

Artemis leans against Sandra’s ear and whispers

“I’m going to make you the greatest Shadow to ever live. You and I…are going to kill Darth Revan.”

Current Day

Sandra sits in her ship, laying on the cold floor and looking up at nothing. She smiles and spreads her arms and legs out as if to make a snow angel.

“Yes, Artemis. I did as you asked.
I used everyone I could to my advantage.
I lied, cheated, tricked, flirted, played, and persuaded my way into everyone’s hearts so that our plans could work, and they did.
No one is capable of suspecting what I am despite their knowing a little. I smile and play and then I am their best friend!
They said they loved me and adored me.
Hahahahahahah! The best part?
The absolute best part?
…I am still here.”

Sandra raises a hand in the air.

“My love is so strong. My passions are great. My goals are durasteel. My training is transcending. My life will change the universe. I will be the blade of light to rend darkness as it springs up. I may have had some softness lately, but I will not waver. I will keep becoming more powerful, not for power’s sake, but because it is my right and my destiny. The Dark will never sleep proper while I lurk the universe!!!”

Her hand stretches out a slight further and she pictures the power she unleashed when boosted by Artemis, replaying her storm of justice from those months ago…

Five Months Ago

Sandra can feel Artemis enter her mind and the feeling of the Dark Side only amplifies. Her energy surgs and she feels the urge to extend the power out through her hands. An overwhelming force builds inside her like a bottle being filled with liquid, about to overflow…

“Let it out.” Artemis commands.

“I feel so…s-so…full. So full! I need…I…I need! I NEED TO…EYAAAAAAA!!!”

Lighting shoots out of Sandra’s hand, but not just a bolt. It’s a storm, enough to engulf entire ships around. But instead it his rubble and sends pieces flying all over as Sandra sends all flying. Artemis raises a hand to stop rubble from hitting their own ship.

“Have you ever felt so powerful? I know you haven’t. I brought you to Soraco to show you what I truly am. We are monsters, my dear. But we are monsters that will bring the galaxy to heel. We are monsters that destroy monsters. And I promise you, if you follow in my footsteps, you will bring balance.”


“You are WRATH. You’re a monster. That’s why I chose you, Sandra. That’s why i’ve done all i’ve done for you. I made sure you were Knighted far too early. I gave you the power to see within, and use the shadows. I gave you everything and it’s all because… … …”

Current Day

“… Because I am like you, Artemis. Our love for the universe is what drives us. To remove the stains from the worlds! I do not fear it anymore. I do not doubt myself. I am in control. Nobody else is. I am in control.”

Sandra closes her eyes and lets a soft breath out with a slow smile that encroaches upon her light skin and sweet face.

“For months I have been training and learning. Practicing to become like you. I am never lonely now because I have the Force in its entirety! I maneuver pawns, hearts, and ideals so that I can make the universe smite out the Sith, ravage dark artifacts, and pull Darkness from ROOT AND STEM. And…I love it. I can see their weaknesses as they open up to me.”

Sandra looks on an old holovid she recorded with her first master on Corscuant’s Grand Temple. Did she even recognize that sweet and stubborn little girl? Look at that 13 year old girl…so dear and gentle. Now at the spark of her 19th year of life, her eyes are open. Her mind is open. Her existence using the Force to its extent, but she was still learning…still learning…still learning.

“Their fickle emotions are disgusting to me, but I will love their lives and do as I will. I can do anything I want. I Am Shadow. But Sandra Mana is legally dead? What should I be? Artemis and Diana…?
Hmm…an idea.”

Finally her hands fall to her side and she begins to feel the cold of the ship on her thighs and arms. Her flowy dress is random and waved upon the ground like a fan. Her emerald eyes look into eternity and a hand slowly moves over her heart. She recalls the last thing Artemis said after that long day…

Welcome to the Shadows, my dearest sister. You’re ready.