Sandra Mana: Perfect

Doom and Gloom

Sandra walks into her apartment. To describe her feeling would be akin to a breeze, just strolling invisibly through time and space. Nothingness, and that was perfect. She felt perfect just the way she was.

A soft sigh escapes and the darkness and light inside her mix and swirl like two colors of flavors that do not blend together, but bind up instead to make a confection of art. She takes a step forward and another breath lets from her chest. Why was this feeling so right? She had not realized she was staring in the mirror of her bathroom, but the redhead looked back in the reflection, and for the first time in so long, she felt…

Beautiful

Sandra smiles and giggles for some time, leaning on the sink as she laughed and tears ran down her face. To use the Dark Side of the Force and to be forged with the Light Side of the force to be the perfect weapon.

“I am…a Monster, who will rend evil from its roots. I am a Beautiful Monster. My lightsaber and powers will bring balance and order to the universe.”

A whisper from her lesson plays in her mind…

"I can teach you things that your fellow Jedi could never dream of."
"When you are nothing…You can be anything you want."
"The force truly is what it is. Stop doubting it. Stop fearing.
You do not have to, so stop thinking you do. You are in control.
Nobody else is."

“I am in control…I am in control! I will be…The Shadow.”

Sandra slowly falls to her knees on the cold bathroom floor and laughs happily for once. She laughs and runs a hand through her hair as she had let the dark and light inside her find their way together. Though practice was needed, she knew what she had to do. She has an honest goal again. She had felt Whole.

“I feel Whole. It is okay, yes? It is okay for me to master this? I felt my true potential through Artemis and I…I want it. I adore feeling like everything is right! Like I am so balanced.”

Finally, she whispered into her own mind, the final words

“I am so proud of you, Sandra.”

Sandra sits there in the bathroom and immediately begins to Meditate where she is. Feeling both side on and off…mixing her cocktail of perfection…

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Sandra returns home after a long day of gathering, training, eaves dropping and other various activities. She goes to sit on the table and lays back on it for now, looking at the ceiling and smiling.

“Ah…it was such a nice day. It was curious to see that Jhoren fellow a few times. He was teaching some force lessons to Jerr. I am impressed by Jerr’s resolve and wisdom from history. I think he is someone who would make a good jedi artifact hunter and seeker of knowledge. I always enjoy my time with him…”

Sandra sits up and crosses her legs

Damien is a sharp fellow. He has a dislike for Jedi, which is fine to have, but he at least is honest about it. Zain will try to smile at a Master and be nice. I can respect Damien’s Zest. He did get quite injured today and was quite polite up until Nate wanted to see if I would let him try his hand at being an initiate. He just…flipped like a second person was there. No matter. If he can apply that zest to being a student and fighting then the Sith have much to worry for. Jacen will do good work with him…”

Sandra lets her legs out and removes her boots slowly. She looks on her legs and runs her hands along pale legs. A squeeze is given on her thighs before she thinks again

Zain went all insane suddenly. First he is nice, then he is utterly insane. I do not understand the plight of his complaint, because it came so suddenly from no where. Saying I do not understand the poor, the struggles and so on. There was nothing I could say in that moment that would have made anything better with everyone near by with their own sentiments of Jedi disdain, rivalry, or issues. It was better to just say I was inferior and leave than make issues with Zain and his ‘Father’. But the best part? He likely goes to Irad for his comfort, a Jedi. I love this irony…”

“Sadly, I had to abandon Nate in his position, but I think it will be a fine test to see his resolve in how badly he wants this. If he gives up easily then I will know he is at least worth looking into. Maybe they will do some in arguing also and figure things out. Either way, it will be amusing.”

Sandra giggles and runs a hand through her hair

Kho has been legendary. I never speak of him much but the guy fully geared me and has been keeping my stuff in check since I got back from the Horrid mission to pick up Iradtoki. He kind of inspired me to take on more armorsmithing. We all live on the Hillside, so he has asked me to pick up some things now and again. He pays well and I do not mind because he keeps my house running. It is only fair.”

Tran has been a kind of creepy neighbor. But lately he has been calming down his odd compliments and frequent smirks. Maybe someone gave him a scolding. Who knows. He is genuine about his sister though and he has a good blaster hand. He has a pretty strong sense of freedom.”

Jaycen, my dear Padawan. I cannot even begin to state how proud of him I am. He took everything I felt was the best of me and made it his own. He has wisdom, skill, and elegance in his words for conversation. I really cannot complain.”

“Artemis, she has told me to join the Nova Initiative. Seems there is a bit of a plot to deal with, but I will do all she asks. There is also a chance I can get to meet Master Atris! How fascinating! Like she said…I need to just keep a cool head and know my manipulation arts. I can do this. I am the Perfect Monster. I am whole and beautiful…”

Sandra giggles more and lays on her back as she lets the dark and light mix…giggles and laughing as she finds such peace on that soft floor

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Sandra spends a few hours every night now after meeting Artemis to try and focus on her Force Cloak. She had not usually tried to apply dark sided energies to the technique, more so out of worry, but now…she was Whole and felt so wonderful.

It was light at first, slowly letting little by little…testing the ingenuity and weight of what was needed to move a few steps faster in the Force Cloak. If even a half step faster…she was successful. But there was something different about using the darker energy as supplement. Easier was not the word she wanted to use, but perhaps less complex. Like figuring a slicing code, but then finding she has been using faulty wires.

“Why does this feel so different now? I need to figure out the reasoning. Is it because of confidence change or how I use the Force more intently? I can only speculate for now, but I must keep going. I need to be more effective…”

Sandra ties up her hair and practices out in the woods for another hour by herself…testing herself against the outlaws in the woods and melding to shadows until the sun nearly rose.

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Sandra sweats and pants after more initial testing of the Force Cloak’s capacities. She sits on the grass in the when the snow begins to fall. A hand runs through her hair as she peeks up at it

“Adding Dark Side energy seems to make the Cloak fizzle at odd intervals. I think that this particular force arte is a measure of Light Side energy. It seems that it was not designed to combine more energy, but instead to be infused more with the correct one. It means I need to be careful when I hop between Dark and Light energies as the Cloak requires different emotions and concentrations to function.”

Sandra lays in the cool grass and closes her eyes

“This is beginning to make more sense. Now that I know I just need one half of the spectrum, I can just work to use more of said energy to power the Cloak for longer periods and work towards taking quicker steps. Learning is a process and failures are what guide a person to understanding that which is needed for success. Anyways, all in good time. I need to be my best for the Nova Initiative and to execute the plan Artemis has. I need to be smart…”

Sandra smiles slowly and laughs a little before resuming training

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Sandra returns to her house and throws her bag into a chair before laying on her stone table. She groans long and softly at her agitations and exhaustion. Her legs swing a slight as they hang off the table and her eyes scan the ceiling. Her comm beeps again and she takes it and throws it against a wall.

There is a peace with the item being shattered against the wall. The beeps in her head suddenly gone and the universe is quiet. She laughs at how nice it is and lays on her side as laughter suddenly takes her.

The image of Mart being choked and his feelings for her now, the whispers she is encouraging, the spy game she plays, the training of dark and light, the pre-planning she is doing, the matter of Zain hopefully passing, poor Irad in Mon Cal, Tran having asked for the Cloak ability, the matter of the undead user, the issues Aedan is beginning to feel, the safety of her Padawan, and so much more rises in her mind, but all she can do is laugh. The laughter as some tears roll down now remind her she is still alive and exhausted. Being pushed into these social situations she detests, yet she was pretty good at it.

The feisty redhead slows down and both her hands through her hair as she stretches like a kitten along the table with a squeaking yawn. Maybe she should just pass every issue to Seela. She is pretty, likes talking to people, and is better at it.

Finally, Sandra just curls up and slowly disappears as her desire to vanish and be alone surfaces for a while…then slowly sleep takes her.

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Covert intelligence involves a lot of waiting around. Know what it’s like being a spy? Like sitting at your dentist’s reception area 24 hours a day. You read holozines, sip coffee, and ever so often, someone tries to kill you.

Sandra lays on the ground staring at the night sky, sweating and panting rapidly. She had been training vigorously for several hours as she worked on forms and other force related concentrations. The lightsaber staff in her hand shined beautifully under the slight light to barely make it visible.

Training at night made her comfortable. It was pleasantly lonely, somber, and peaceful. If people were coming her way then she could just vanish or slide behind a tree.

One thing Sandra was glad for is working with Jaycen, Seela and Althea. She knew how they worked and what their processes were on a task. It was…comfortable. It was also safer.

One reason to work with the same people is you know each other’s moves. So if you shoot at your team in the middle of an operation, they know to go with it.

There was a lot she wanted to do also. So much she sought to gleam from the power, wisdom, and courage Artemis has within her, but she needed to have patience. Then there was her former master…the sight black and white hair that slipped from the hood and the odd fact that he was quite handsome seemed a contrast to then energy that Artemis portrayed. Sandra needed to work hard so that she could face up to opponents she may not even be ready for. She had to be creative and clever.

“I will be the one to guide those with me to greatness…”

Finally, she tried to replicate some of the abilities she used with Artemis when they were melded, but with no avail. She tried to combine different emotions like mixing cocktails in order to create the feeling needed to design such a build up like before. A bit of time is spent on this every so often, but she decides to go home after. Letting this be for now. When home, all she could do was lay in bed and quickly pass out from utter exhaustion.

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