Sandra walks around her room and ponders to herself. She sits to finally work on the Magnet Device for the task she was asked for, but with some hesitation?
“…I had tea and cakes with Lanari the other day. It was…kind of enlightening. I am frustrated that they were sort of comfortable to be around. We had a long conversation as a group and even though we disagreed, the conversation stayed civil, unlike almost all of the conversations on the other group. It was almost…fun. We talked about Jedi differences, the galaxy and its matters and some other things, but it was all pleasant. For as capable as Lanari is to likely slaughter, she is restrained.”
Sandra gets a small slab of Neodymium for the magnet and sets it on a small tablet to let the magnet receive its first charge.
“Lanari noted she was accepting apprentices. It was…rather an odd feeling within me when she said so. But for some reason…I did not say no. Regardless, I would not like to think on this for now.”
She flips the magnet and begins the second charge.
“Tara managed to get me to speak with her properly today, despite my wanting to mostly be quiet, but she managed to do so. Perhaps I felt pity, perhaps I was seeking to speak unconsciously, or I might have felt bad that she wanted to connect with me when she saw my low self. Whatever the reason, I indulged her with the truth…some of it anyways. I mentioned the displeasure I felt about our side of the spectrum. And how organized and pleasant Lanari was to speak with and her crew.”
Sandra picks up the magnet and tests the intensity. She sticks it against a test Datapad to test the strength and frowns. She begins to do other things to it for now.
“I might have mentioned how jealous I was of Tara and ranted on about how I felt rather weak. Even Seela is stronger with the force and lightsaber combat than I am, and she has little training at best! Is it because this was not meant for me? Am I meant to be a Jedi…? So many doubts these last few days. All I feel are so many negative emotions. I go to sleep sad and wake up frustrated. I cannot help but feel pathetic and meager.”
“I have been lashing out in subtle ways. Kicking chairs, pushing my doors harder, sighing and pouting openly, throwing my clothes instead of organizing them, and other reactions like this. I think…I have a problem. I do not have the will to address it…”
Sandra finishes wrapping a Power Cell with a wire around the metal to enhance the magnet’s strength. After letting energy pass through it for a while, she nods in satisfaction.
“This will do for his sabotage device…after I add the recording part to it. It should do exactly what he desires.”
She leave it on the desk for now and sighs as she heads to the room. The room is quiet and lowly lit. She dresses down and sits on the edge of the bed. Her eyes gaze on her bare legs. Long red hair drapes down about her as her mind empties. Her eye catches a glimpse of silver gleam between the streams of red hair. Sandra reaches for it and picks up the war weary lightsaber and stares at it for a few minutes. She huffs in a myriad of emotions and sets it on her bag before sliding into bed where she covers her face with the pillow. Just trying to close her thoughts and let the sound of the rain fill her mind. It rained for hours.
“…Think I will stay in bed today…and tomorrow. I do not feel well…”
