As Sandra returns to her ship, she looks around the ship. Everything suddenly seems wider or larger as if reality was pushing away from her. She instinctively grips her scarf and this makes her pause. Her body feels the onset of the stages of denial passing through her. Having already experienced shock, she knew that logically, Anger and Bargaining are what she is feeling now. There was no way to really resist it, but she lets the feelings push through as her mind responds to the feelings
“She could not be a traitor. She can’t be! But this is the nature of the intelligence game. To become a sleeper within an organization and gain allies for which you can cast blame or use for your own measures. She must have been doing this for years…”
For a spy, the worst thing that can happen is to become someone else’s asset. You do anything you can to avoid it, making sure there’s nothing people can grab onto and use as leverage. You move through life unattached, keeping the world at a distance. It’s a hard way to live, but there’s a cold logic to it. Love nothing and nothing you love can be used against you. Once you violate that rule and make that connection with someone, you’ve handed your enemies the key to destroying you.
“It was smart for the Order to interrogate me. I would have done the same in their place. It means they have enough evidence to convict her of at least espionage. Artemis may have erased records that I did not expect. I only assumed my name was hidden for purposes and missions outside the Order, not from the Order itself. Which also begs the question, what was the Jedi Covenant in actuality? Why is it under investigation? They are Jedi, no? But then…the Jedi knew about Artemis and my meeting somehow. Artemis likely used me as an out before taking off. It would be a genius move to implicate me…”
Sandra begins pacing and grips her hair in frustration
In intelligence, you get use to the idea, that today’s enemy could be tomorrow’s friend. Unfortunately, it also works the other way around. Under the wrong conditions, your friends could turn into adversaries. And the closer they are, the worse it is.
“This is the way we do things, but where does one compromise their values for the greater good? How much of what Artemis said was real? how much of it was part of her game? One thing I know for sure… the assessment of the Jedi Order is incorrect. Artemis wouldn’t do these things for her own sake or power. She always spoke as “We” or “Us” when making deeper notions about saving the universe. If this is the case, then who is “We” and what is the purpose of this long time sleeper agent? Long term agents have a further goal in mind.”
Sandra looks in annoyance at the datapads taken apart on her table. She slams her hand into one and destroys the screen
“I was being played as a card in her plan. Throwing off suspicion by taking a Padawan as innocent as I was. I was the perfect one to pick. I can keep secrets, tend to prefer isolation, keeping away from large groups, and doing more solo missions.”
Sandra sits on the ground and laughs loudly. Some tears falling also
“It was perfect. She’s the perfect spy. I do not think I can out do her, but I need to speak with her. I need to find out the truth. She said she would never lie to me, and while she never lied to me directly, she kept secrets. I need to find out what I can. I need to know her logic!!! I doubt she will ignore me because she can destroy me just as easily…”
She lays on the cold floor to cool her frustrations. They laying down turns into a meditation that lasts for hours…