Sohma walked into the Galaxy Burger. The Jedi cashier snorted derisively as he saw her, but Sohma didn’t really care. She had suppressed her aura to appear as a lowly Plain Patty on a Bun realm practitioner, so he had no idea of her true strength, as a fool would not be able to ascertain her true level of burger eating.
“I would like to buy… a Scrappy Meal!”
Everyone in the restaurant laughed.
“Junior, you dare?” said the cashier. “You couldn’t afford a Scrappy Meal! Scram! Can’t you see there are Mid-Rim Macho Burger realm practitioners waiting behind you?”
Sohma opened her Well of Darkness and summoned 80,000,000 Spirit Galaxy Burger Coupons onto the counter, causing an earthquake which demolished half the restaurant. Everyone dropped their jaws. None could see how such a thing was possible!
“I will take that Scrappy Meal with a side of fries,” Sohma said. She was as calm and serene as an ocean in a holopicture of an incredibly calm and serene ocean. “And I will speak to your manager!”
The cashier coughed up a mouthful of blood. He simply could not handle Sohma’s killing intent, because he was only a Big Bungo with Cheese realm practitioner himself. Even though Sohma had suppressed her aura, because she had cultivated the Dark Star Well, this was enough to kill people a few levels higher if she truly wanted.
It was then that another man with a much more fierce aura stepped forward. “You! Courting death? Who are you to make trouble here?”
“P-Padawan Annothe!”
Corbin Annothe was 99 cents of the way into the Bacon Double Huttburger realm, plus tax! Sohma was pushed back two feet, knocking over a soda machine. Czerka-Thirst Blue Razz-Matazz geysered outward, killing several onlookers.
Of course, Callista Selkin saw all this happen through the window.
Sohma coughed up a mouthful of ketchup, snorted, closed her eyes, and then her expression went calm. She unleashed the aura of sixty-four patties, condensed down to a two-patty stack burger that could fit into her mouth!
Callista Selkin coughed up a mouthful of cheese. Her pupils constricted.
“Is this… Seeking the Quadruple Black and Bleu Burger stage??!!?”
All this time, Sohma carried the gentle air of a scholar, but that wouldn’t stop her from killing several people in a burger restaurant.
“Burger Devouring Scripture! That Great Space Taste!”
With the first keyword of the Burger Devouring Scripture, everyone below the early Big Bungo with Cheese realm exploded into purple mist. The light of the immense heavenly burger shone down with the contours of a golden CZ as nine illusory burgers floated around Sohma’s body, in reference to the nine ancient Sith Lords who created the first hamburger all those millennia ago.
But that was only a fraction of Sohma’s power. She waved her arm, bringing forth thirty more Dark Side techniques from the ancient annals of the Sith Academy on Mustardar.
“Heavenly Tribulation Fries! Spinward Soul-Breading Aradile Fillet! Fooga Fruit Smoothie Guillotine! Caramel Cafe Mocha Incarnation!”
Sohma’s expression was the same as ever as she opened her Well of Darkness, and brought out her karmic ketchup packet, Fry Cook Lord medallion, the Kethyrian blackwood time spatula, a five-colored resurrection rewards card, the relish-stained silk napkin of Naga Sadow, and her pet Ghoststar Dragon, which had been formed from the lost souls of a thousand discarded warocas nuggets in the heart of a black hole.
All this takes some time to describe, but actually happened in the space of only a few breaths.
“What!!? Impossible!!”
It was more than enough. Corbin Annothe’s soul flew out and was absorbed by the Ghoststar Dragon! He screamed as his body was destroyed completely.
Sohma brushed off her robes and swept up the spirit coupons and the belongings of all the dead and dying. It wasn’t like they needed their stuff anymore, was it? She smiled gently as she surveyed the smoldering wreckage which was all that remained of the Galaxy Burger. Across the rubble, she met Callista Selkin’s eyes.
“I suppose I will take that Scrappy Meal… to go!”
Sohma bolted upright in bed, the fruity vomit from Puru’s strange Sith Seduction drink already halfway up her esophagus. She leaned over the side and emptied her stomach onto the floor, gagging both at the experience and the strange dream she’d just awoken from.
Perhaps it was a good idea to avoid the Sith Seductions from now on.