The Journey from Sith to Jedi

The young Chiss sits on the bed, his eyes stare at the datapad with the new program he had just paid to install. It was supposed to be a journal program, could keep it safe and secure for you. It felt silly but at this point, there was not really better options and Qy at least seemed to know what he was talking about. Tapping the program to open it, it lit up brightly welcoming him, asking for his name, taking a moment he slowly typed in “Sev’risk’aklaio”. The program locked in the name and asked for a password, slowly entering a rather long one he would remember, it accepted it and moved to page one for him to write in, taking a breath, he began to type

I don’t really know how to start this other then, well, what I just wrote. Life has always seemed to follow one set path, one of pain, disgrace, disgust and hatred. Always a bully right there to be sure to beat me down if I ever started to gain hope in my future. Viscara has not been any different. Slavery under the Hutts. With Sohma there was always the inquisitors telling me I was failing her, then with the Jedi, there is Vilnia. Also a former Sith. Also the one who enjoys beating me down every chance she gets.

Not only that, she seeks to cause me issues in the Temple to try and see me run out. Already turning Master Vrake against me, and made sure to kiss up that I “sympathized with the Sith” the night prior, which wasn’t exactly true. She is literally out to try and see my removal, so I have done the one thing she cannot win on. I have removed her from my existence. She does not seem to enjoy this, trying everything when in front of Masters or ranked Padawans to seem nice, kind and friendly rather then the snake in the grass she really is. I will not give her that satisfaction or anymore energy.

Since the matter with Master Vrake though, I just feel…cold. I’m not sure how to describe it, though when I spoke with Knight Qy, he said he suffered something similar, and advised to keep this journal. He didn’t seem to really have an answer on how to stop it, or how to get my powers working again, just that…well, keeping the journal apparently helps? I dont know what to think. I will have to hope this works out. I don’t know what is left if it doesn’t. Not that there are really many I can openly talk to about it anyways.

Pushing the save option it logged the program as Page one, then closed it and the program as he leaned back on the wall for a moment closing his eyes, before grabbing the pistol he kept and moved to head out, the hunters guild wouldn’t do the work for him.

He sat near the waters edge, staring at the water, something he had done for nearly an hour now trying in vain to find some kinda answer to the emotional turmoil within. Sadly it was not working in the slightest. He drew out his datapad with a breath and tapped the journal program once more, entering his password which opted to let him reread his last entry, or make a new one. Choosing to make a new one it opened the new page and he once again started to tap

Inquisitor, the one word that can unnerve even the most steel minded chiss. Inquisitors have power over everything, when one is called, you are almost guaranteed that someone or multiple someones will die, painfully. Now one is here in the temple, and for the first time in a week, I actually feel something other then the void. Complete and utter terror. Everyone reassures me that its not so bad, yet I saw how she looked at me when I admitted to my force lightening. I may as well have tied the noose around my own neck.

If they kick me out, I have nothing left. Honestly I am done fighting it. To lose this too after everything I have already lost, there is nothing left at all. There will be nothing more to fight for. I have lost whomever my parents were, my life on Csilla, my place with Sohma, my Clan under Kevin, and then the Jedi too. I just can’t handle losing more again. My powers haven’t even returned. I admit…the future terrifies me. I haven’t really slept or eaten since they told me she arrived. I guess all I can do is wait and see if she pulls the lever.

Seeing Vince approaching he slowly exits the program, closing it off and turning it off before stowing it back away in his bag once more

kneeling by the edge of the water he pulled out the datapad and entered the password once more into the journal program. Watching it flicker to life he let out a breath as he began to type

I wasn’t kicked out. Which is one relief. I can feel the force again too even if its just a little stream. I made a choice though. To go to the Medical Corps. Its not really like I fit in here at the moment. Everything is about violence. I don’t want to physically fight anymore. I feel the anger and rage below the surface as I fight and I have decided to look at the path of the Jedi Healer.

That said I find little has changed towards me. What does the former Sith know about anything? Doors slammed in my face rather then even hearing me. They don’t “need” my opinion or help. I am back in solitude for the most part. I am either part of the violence like the brawl today between Thelion and Vosca which started me feeling the growing darkness, or I am completely and utterly alone.

Where do you fit into a place that is all about violence? Yes their brawl was about training, but it was a brawl none the less. Help offered is rebuked, pushed away that they don’t need me, not that anyone ever did. The temple is as cold and lonely as Csilla. If you are not of the upper class, you are no one. You are ostracized and pushed away as trash. Your opinions have no weight, no meaning. You are just in their way. Maybe its better I am going to the Corps.

Logically I am just in their way. Taking up space of those who would be more then some “former sith” who just seems to be a problem. I don’t know what more to do. I still am waiting to see Vilnia, she said this afternoon, though I have yet to see her. I still don’t know how that is gonna go, or if shes even gonna show up. Emotionally I feel the darkness right below the surface. The questions bombarding me…“Why even bother, why try, why care”…at the moment, I am not sure I have the answers.

Logging out he spots a message still marked unread, yet doesn’t answer it, simply tucking away the datapad. a soft breath escaping him as he looks over the cliff, ever watching the tide come and go