Litii’s thoughts were racing. There was so much going on now that she was back on Viscara. The aftermath of Althea’s injury wasn’t done playing out, but for now it had settled some. Althea would heal. It had been a long wait with Seela to see if Althea would even wake after the injury, but in the end it had been the right thing to do. No one else was going to-no, Litii was supposed to be trying to keep herself focused.
The Mirialan stooped and carefully dug out a pile of sand with her hands. She carried it with her as she stepped onto the wooden pier. Each footfall reliably thudded on the boards as Litii walked out to the end. She made a small pile of sand in front of her and sat down. Practice. Everything was practice lately. Being able to meditate had given her a start, but there was a difference between that and having any skill in walking with Fate.
Take a deep breath and focus. Remember the mantras grandfather and grandmother taught you. Follow them to Fate.
Settling a bit further onto the pier, Litii took her deep breath and focused on the feeling of the air entering her lungs. Meditation seemed to be a trick of setting things aside for a time. All she had to do was focus on something else. Not her emotions. Not her memories. Not her feelings. Sensation and oneness guided alongside words.
”Why not invite your emotions in for tea?”
Hohenfel’s question from before came unbidden to Litii’s mind and she tried to set it to one side. The man was crazy or…no, not crazy. Fate guided him along his path as it did everyone, but the things he heard in it were confusing. Animals and plants talking to him seemed beyond strange to Litii. But everything was one in Fate wasn’t it? If all was one, it was a matter of being open to another part of oneself.
Still that was not what she was there for right now. Litii slowly exhaled and followed the sensation. She was there to find her center and reach out. To be the grain that reached out to the others in a small desert of her own making. Focusing on the breathing soon allowed Litii’s mind to focus within.
Within her mind, Litii sat on a balcony looking out over the sands of Mirial’s deserts. She recognized the balcony, of course, but the family home hadn’t been near the edge of the desert. This was her sanctum within though. Anchors to a forgotten self buried beneath war and pain. Her Mirialan robes rustled some in the wind as she looked around briefly before reciting her mantras and focusing on the small pile of sand before her.
It did not take long before part of the pile began to float in front of Litii, both within her mind and outside, as she focused on it. The sensation felt less strange each time she did the exercise. Working with Fate was a matter of knowing herself to a degree, but also knowing her place within Fate. The latter was something she’d spent much of her life learning before going to war. First a Seeker as all her people who honored Fate. Then a Teacher who could speak of it to others. Litii had never become a Seer though who listened and followed Fate’s hand.
I went to war instead.
Guilt tore at Litii’s heart for a moment and yhe sounds of blaster fire, dying people of various species, the roar of a basilisk droid, and explosions began to approach the Mirialan from behind. It was always like this the moment she thought about that decision. All the repercussions came racing at her and the exercise ended. Not this time. She refused. Litii took another deep breath and behind her a cloth curtain fell into place separating the Mirialan from the memories and the emotions connected to them.
”Why not let your emotions in for tea?”
Litii’s face flickered briefly to irritation as Hohenfel’s words came back to her again. Emotions were nothing but trouble. They’d lead her to go to war. They’d dragged her around the galaxy seeing the dead and dying. They’d driven her farther than she thought she could go. They’d…also been what had told her she was losing her way. That if Litii didn’t get away she might become solely a weapon. Maybe it was a matter of being selective?
Taking her time to sit with each emotion might be what was needed to move forward. The emotions were part of her after all. If she cut them away, who was she? It couldn’t be all at once though. Guilt. She remembered that most firmly before everything began to race at her and focused on the sand and her guilt. Behind Litii, the fabric curtain twitched to one side briefly and admitted the image of an older Mirialan man with playful eyes and deep weathering on his face.
“So here we are, granddaughter.”
“I suppose so.”
The sand trembled again, but Litii focused on her breathing for a moment and the softly chanted mantras within her mind.
“Are you expecting some sort of revelation? You know why you feel guilty. Your grandmother and I groomed you to become a Seer of Fate. To listen to it and follow it in the moment. To guide our people who did not know Fate’s touch. It is something undone. Like the tattoo that would mark you.”
A searing line danced across Litii’s face, but she remained focused. It was simply her mind. While this was a confrontation, it was not a fight. Pain was natural. Just as the winds of the desert might scour one moment and become a playful zephyr a moment later. Litii took another deep breath and then replied.
“It still found me.”
“Such is the nature of Fate, granddaughter. One does not escape it. One does not hide from it. One walks with it together. You knew that once. Part of you still does and yet…you can’t deny that you’ve become accustomed to fighting your way to what you want can you?”
“…no.”
“Fighting everything to make things end up how you want, yes?”
“…yes.”
“Including Fate.”
Litii huffed irritably at the phantom of her grandfather, but she couldn’t really be angry. Part of her knew it wasn’t actually him. It was her memories, impressions, and thoughts of him. This was part of the conflict in her spirit. She had not been listening to herself before, but now…now she’d given herself no other choice.
“You’re trying to master Fate, granddaughter, and you know very well on-”
“Only fools try to master Fate. It will master them.”
“Very good. You haven’t forgotten after all.”
“No.”
“What have you forgotten though? Here you dress me in your own woe and pain. Is it any wonder you hurt? That you’re lost? We taught you better than that, granddaughter. Perhaps you need a reminder.”
“I-what? Grandfather?”
Litii’s eyes shot open and the older Mirialan was gone, but a gentle, warm wind blew in from the desert and began to swirl around her. Emotions and memories came to her unbidden wrapping Litii in the comforting warmth of her grandfather’s embrace. All the lessons and the times he’d sneak her treats when Litii’s mother wasn’t watching.
What was can be again…what might be can be written…what was written can be written in a new way…Fate is never set it is always being written and rewritten in constant movement…Fate is found in living…
The wind continued to swirl around Litii as it played with her. She could no more catch than she might a single grain of sand and perhaps that was alright. That was the way of things, wasn’t it? Fate was found in living. Moving with it and knowing it will change with each action. One had to remember why life was worth living without being trapped by the pain of what was…
Empty, yet full. Burning, yet cold. Still, yet racing. Known, but unknown
New memories washed over the Mirialan. She remembered the times with her old squad. All their laughter when there wasn’t a mission. Each of them knew the quiet pain of Recon, but they had all focused on living for the moment. They might die some day soon. To think about that would paralyze them though. So they lived. Good food. Spice. Companionship. They lived, but knew things would need to be done and to be ready for those times.
Each set of memories began to blend. Family, friends, and squadmates drank and ate together. All of them seemingly trying to remind Litii of the forgotten words in her mind. Reminding her of what she once knew. There were no tears within the warm wind, but Litii was aware of her pulse in the memories…that thrum of life. In all of this, her grandfather’s voice spoke up.
”Where will your fate take you, young Litii?”
“I wish I knew. Always forward though.”
“Always forward, young one. Don’t forget the friends who are with you, lean on them in times of trial. For as your fate has touched them, so their fates have touched yours. Fate is ever growing. Let it guide you. Strengthen you.”
Litii laughed softly to herself between the feelings and words…and let go. Within her mind, her body dissolved into sand to be swept up by the zephyr. It was not a surrender. It was acceptance of companionship. A vital element of life just as remembering the joyful parts was even when darkness seemed to overwhelm.
The winds of the desert play and scour. With their movement, they touch the grains to move them. The movement of a single grain reaches the rest as all grains touch one another in the end. All are connected. All are in Fate. One does not submit to Fate. One does not master Fate. One walks with and in knowledge of Fate.
The sand that was Litii rode the desert wind freely and simply watched as it rushed around the desert and at other times played. She was and was not it, but rather moved with it. It took her through visions of the past. Good times and then the death and pain of war. Eventually there was the decision to come to Viscara. Each person she had come to know and touch was there.
Litii’s pulse quickened as she thought of her friends. Yes, there were troubles, but they were surviving still. Wasn’t that what her squad had done? What it still did? Isn’t that all anyone really did? These thoughts occupied her for a moment, but then she spotted her grandfather again. This time visions of her friends accompanied them.
There was a small crunch as Litii landed on the sand as she reformed and gently dropped from the zephyr. Out of all the figure, her grandfather, Seela, Althea, and Teh’Beli were the clearest. The latter three seemed to reach out their hands to Litii who in turned reached out to them. They all smiled as the sand rushed up and swirled around them all.
“Don’t forget, granddaughter. Whether you wear the mark or not, we did teach you…and so will they.”
Litii opened her eyes outside her mind again and shook her head in slight confusion before a grin came to her face at what she’d just experienced. Centering herself a moment, she was surprised when she saw the small pile of sand was still levitating. It dropped seconds later as she was shaken from the unconscious concentration and Litii simply laughed.