I float here. Suspended, outside of time. Torn from space. I watch the asteroids skip across the window of the flight deck. Their voices wash over me in the static hum of the control panel. Their faces meet me among the bleary constellations. I feel the weight of the world upon my chest in these quiet moments. When I take but a short while to reflect, in quiet. In peace.
I try to quell their worries. I give them everything that I can. I swore to myself that I would never again watch people suffer at the hands of a cruel destiny. I fight, until I can no longer summon the strength, for their smiles. But it is in these moments, in which I question myself. Seela’karu told me that one must allow the fish to learn their route upstream. For, if you should take them there yourself, they would not be capable of surviving their journeys to come.
But I can seldom help myself. To think of what I once was, the pathetic ghost of a girl, cowering at the slightest touch. No one should have to suffer in the shadow of malice. No one should have to believe they are nothing, because their love is unmatched and unrequited. No one should have to live in fear of the very ones who swore to protect them.
But what could I do about that?
I am not so naive to think that I could eliminate suffering from this world. But I will hold onto hope that I can be, even if it were the smallest and most insignificant, beacon of light in a sea of overwhelming black.
Seela, you bring me peace in presence and in thought. You do not even have to be here, with me, and I can sense the warmth tingling in my chest. You are the sister I had lost, long ago. You are the sister I vow to never lose, again. It is you that I would follow until my last breath. You who has given me a purpose, and has shown me a path so hidden. So unattainable, once. You have made my life worth redeeming.
Roh, I am sorry that I shield you so. Your smile is what kept me going, all those years ago. I would do anything to see it just once more. But each time I try, I only push you farther. I only hope that you can grow into yourself. I do not wish to coddle you, but to be there for your first steps. Perhaps even teach you some of the way. I know you are afraid. I am too. But we have always pushed through it - together.
Kai, I am sorry that you feel I have abandoned you. You may be more machine than man, physically, but you are more Kai than ever before. Your empire grows and your dreams rush ever closer. But I fear that you might leave yourself behind in the dust of your own accomplishments. Progress is not everything there is to be had in life. I will not allow you to forget us. I will not allow you to forget yourself. You are family. One day, you will be able to utter the word yourself.
Samael, you are dear to my heart. I fear I am truly not the girl you once knew. My duties will take me far from you, in mind and in spirit. I hope you can forgive me for the path I have chosen. I will remain by your side, as long as life permits. You are the one who will always understand what must be done. Time will never sour our bond. Nor will distance.
Aedan, you are a gentle soul. You hide yourself beneath layers of sarcasm and silly smiles. You are something more than you think you are. If only you could see it, for yourself. If only you could understand what more there is for you. Beyond the path that seems so promising now … beyond the sickly sweet manipulation of shadow. I will be here for you. Even if your step is misguided.
Mart, your heart is kind. You have much love to give, and to share. Somehow you fail to see how much those around you appreciate your sentiments. You are a precious thing. A gem, untouched by the grime of age. We would not wish to see you falter, and to lose yourself. You are not the sum of broken parts. You are not what people say you are. You are, quite simply, you.
Win, you are a strange character. Perhaps the strangest I have yet to come across. Yet I cannot help but to hope that something becomes of you. The way you look at me tells me there is a story, and yet I am not sure if it would even matter. Whether or not you are truthful about your feelings, you are truly generous for making a woman feel so cherished. You deserve to find something much more suitable for you.
I linger here, as one final name drifts into my thoughts. I no longer feel her presence. Her energy, through the force. I have not seen nor heard any sign of her since she was taken from us, long, long ago. I know the attempt is futile, but I will try it anyways. Perhaps she remains, somewhere out there, listening.
Nephthyra, where have you gone? It has been years, and years, and yet my question remains unanswered. Cruel silence is all that meets me. Is this your intent? Or has some fate, outside of my grasp, befallen you? Have we lost you, truly? Will you ever really come back for us?