Yeule: Sacrifice

[imamanDUH]

I float here. Suspended, outside of time. Torn from space. I watch the asteroids skip across the window of the flight deck. Their voices wash over me in the static hum of the control panel. Their faces meet me among the bleary constellations. I feel the weight of the world upon my chest in these quiet moments. When I take but a short while to reflect, in quiet. In peace.

I try to quell their worries. I give them everything that I can. I swore to myself that I would never again watch people suffer at the hands of a cruel destiny. I fight, until I can no longer summon the strength, for their smiles. But it is in these moments, in which I question myself. Seela’karu told me that one must allow the fish to learn their route upstream. For, if you should take them there yourself, they would not be capable of surviving their journeys to come.

But I can seldom help myself. To think of what I once was, the pathetic ghost of a girl, cowering at the slightest touch. No one should have to suffer in the shadow of malice. No one should have to believe they are nothing, because their love is unmatched and unrequited. No one should have to live in fear of the very ones who swore to protect them.

But what could I do about that?

I am not so naive to think that I could eliminate suffering from this world. But I will hold onto hope that I can be, even if it were the smallest and most insignificant, beacon of light in a sea of overwhelming black.

Seela, you bring me peace in presence and in thought. You do not even have to be here, with me, and I can sense the warmth tingling in my chest. You are the sister I had lost, long ago. You are the sister I vow to never lose, again. It is you that I would follow until my last breath. You who has given me a purpose, and has shown me a path so hidden. So unattainable, once. You have made my life worth redeeming.

Roh, I am sorry that I shield you so. Your smile is what kept me going, all those years ago. I would do anything to see it just once more. But each time I try, I only push you farther. I only hope that you can grow into yourself. I do not wish to coddle you, but to be there for your first steps. Perhaps even teach you some of the way. I know you are afraid. I am too. But we have always pushed through it - together.

Kai, I am sorry that you feel I have abandoned you. You may be more machine than man, physically, but you are more Kai than ever before. Your empire grows and your dreams rush ever closer. But I fear that you might leave yourself behind in the dust of your own accomplishments. Progress is not everything there is to be had in life. I will not allow you to forget us. I will not allow you to forget yourself. You are family. One day, you will be able to utter the word yourself.

Samael, you are dear to my heart. I fear I am truly not the girl you once knew. My duties will take me far from you, in mind and in spirit. I hope you can forgive me for the path I have chosen. I will remain by your side, as long as life permits. You are the one who will always understand what must be done. Time will never sour our bond. Nor will distance.

Aedan, you are a gentle soul. You hide yourself beneath layers of sarcasm and silly smiles. You are something more than you think you are. If only you could see it, for yourself. If only you could understand what more there is for you. Beyond the path that seems so promising now … beyond the sickly sweet manipulation of shadow. I will be here for you. Even if your step is misguided.

Mart, your heart is kind. You have much love to give, and to share. Somehow you fail to see how much those around you appreciate your sentiments. You are a precious thing. A gem, untouched by the grime of age. We would not wish to see you falter, and to lose yourself. You are not the sum of broken parts. You are not what people say you are. You are, quite simply, you.

Win, you are a strange character. Perhaps the strangest I have yet to come across. Yet I cannot help but to hope that something becomes of you. The way you look at me tells me there is a story, and yet I am not sure if it would even matter. Whether or not you are truthful about your feelings, you are truly generous for making a woman feel so cherished. You deserve to find something much more suitable for you.

I linger here, as one final name drifts into my thoughts. I no longer feel her presence. Her energy, through the force. I have not seen nor heard any sign of her since she was taken from us, long, long ago. I know the attempt is futile, but I will try it anyways. Perhaps she remains, somewhere out there, listening.

Nephthyra, where have you gone? It has been years, and years, and yet my question remains unanswered. Cruel silence is all that meets me. Is this your intent? Or has some fate, outside of my grasp, befallen you? Have we lost you, truly? Will you ever really come back for us?

[imamanDUH]

I slip through the brush of Viscara, weary and sore. Satisfied. My feet guiding me toward a familiar destination. The dock of my ship, which has seen far more love in the past several cycles. My good hand glides up against the steel inlays, several strips of neon pink buzzing to life at my very touch. They point me towards the back room, where I have set up a temporary bed. Too weary, am I, to climb to the top bunk. Just as when we were children, I much preferred to be grounded.

I kick off my boots and tuck in my knees, furling around the duvet. Swaddling it as though it were the last tangible thing in the galaxy. I begin to drift. I imagine that I am free, roaming boundless and untethered through a blanket of stars. My thoughts drift with me, spanning through crevices of my mind that I had thought long ago sealed.

In the darkness I see a vision, a face. The tips of his ears and the sharp lines of his jaw flush with anger. He is staring me down, gritting his teeth. Aedan, I recognize him in essence, and in his force. I feel his arms wrap around me, as I ask him why. His flesh burns through me, like a brand. I feel his trembling hands grip for something at his belt. I am screaming for him to stop, my fists slamming into his chest. The familiar cadence of a lightsaber’s ignition wafts through the quiet workshop. I feel a searing warmth, so excruciating that my vision warps within seconds. All at once, this warmth is ripped from me. I feel cold. Afraid.

Why…?

My lips move but I fail to make a sound. My back is against something cold. Something hard. I watch as he steps over my bleeding body, heedlessly. Just another obstacle to be triumphed and forgotten. My heart shatters into infinite pieces.

I recall something, a distant murmur of life. When I open my eyes I find myself in the safest of places. I sit before a blazing fire. A familiar voice trickles over me in warm beads, like a comforting bath. I seek the face of the shadow looming over me, but as usual, I can not discern any of her features. Try as I might, all that rings true is the pleasant lilt of her hum.

All will be fine - all will be well. Simply remember that I am always with you. And you, me

I reach for her, yet when my fingers brush against her flesh, her shadow begins to warp. Emerald skin crinkles beneath my touch, as lifeless as a leather hide. Suddenly she was pale. Horrid. Wisps and tufts of white tickle my arms as I dare tilt my chin higher. Icy blue eyes staring back at me. She grips me by my wrists, and I yelp in pain. I call for him.

Roh!

A wicked smile is all that greets my plea, as she wrenches me around in one fell swoop. I feel the excruciating heat, once more, impending. I know what is to come and yet I am not ready. She embraces me, and soon I smell the nauseating stench of my own flesh burning against the might of hot iron. My lips part and yet my screams go unheard.

I drift along, willing myself to look elsewhere. In the distance I see the glow of a fire. Two figures are perched upon the benches, leaning into one another. He wraps his arm around her, and she feels comforted by his embrace. Even when they have faced all odds. It was her belief in him, that drove them forward.

I feel a different sort of warmth, now. One that weaves through my breast like a blooming flower. Instantly I recognize the essence of my master, who appears to me in my darkest of moments. Seela is the brightest star among the constellations. That which guides me through my wandering thoughts, even now. I look to her, and I bask in the warmth of her aura.

You must be the strength he needs. But do not fall down this path with him. Do not allow yourself be dragged along.

A sensation overwhelms me with a creeping calm. It coils itself gently around my arms and holds me close. Lekku. A comfort I have not felt in a great deal of time. I see her lips moving, yet it is my voice that sweeps through the endless deep.

Love can be powerful. It can be humbling. You will feel jealousy, desperation, anger. But you will also feel purpose, strength, euphoria. It could be that some of these cancel out the others. But in truth, it is that you will feel these things. You will have to accept them. Reflect upon them. Understand why you feel them. And then, let them go.