Slave for life...Iradtoki

In Character Character Biographies
#41

I got mad again today…Zain was back to his whining and such and myself and Hriste were again trying to advise him. He kept talking about he was beyond human endurance which he isn’t and I told him that if he kept it up, his heart would eventually give out. Clearly a very bad thing to try and help him realize his error, telling him it couldn’t be augmented to keep up with his body mass and the weight.

His first answer? Open heart surgery to replace it with a mechanical. I told him several times that doing such is not a good thing, nor is it safe. His answer? To contact Hriste to ask her if she thought doing the open heart surgery was a good idea, no other context then that I was against it. I honestly wanted to slap him for even doing that. Open heart surgery is extremely deadly, not guaranteed to work under the best circumstances and even then, doctors do not like performing such unless there is no other option, but what does someone studying as a healer know right?

#42

Dear Master,

I struggle a bit today, its been a horrible day…Six of the refugees died today in my home. A…I don’t know what to call him? He seemed like a Jedi, he definitely could wield the force far better then me, he drained the life right out of six people, calling it a feast. Spoke of it being for his Master? This deeply wounded me to know six died in my care. I have pushed for them to get the emergency evac off planet.

I could not protect them, I was not strong enough to stop him and knowing I failed to protect them, it really hurts. I have been meditating on the incident, but this is hard to swallow.

#43

Master is hurt, it was pretty bad. Her whole manufactured arm was destroyed. Seela and Althea had to completely redesign a new arm for her…I was the one to reattach it to her. It looked really painful and she seemed exhausted and really in pain. I need to stay with her now until she feels better. She has told me I could go, but I am not leaving her. Someone needs to take care of her needs. I basically carried her to her bed last night and tucked her in. I have been waking her every few hours off and on to ensure she has stuff simple to eat and drink before letting her rest again. As well as seeing to any other injured here while shes in deep sleep.

I cant believe Lanari did this. She killed so many in this. It wasn’t even necessary. I could feel the fear, the pain…the death. Hearing my Master was hurt my heart sunk, I was very relieved when Seela told me she would be okay. Then told me I should come to the base to tend her and comfort her. I was very glad to help though putting her arm back on very much shocked me. I hated knowing it was causing her pain, but it needed to be done, she needed it reattached and wouldn’t have the strength to do it herself for at least a day.

I feel honestly like I am little help when trouble comes. I need to stay in hiding and ride out the storm and just deal with the aftermath. I want to do more to help, so people don’t have to die. Masters are speaking of a greater evil coming, and yet I cant even handle the evil already at our door. I want to hate her, I want to be furious at what she has done, but anger and hatred is a passion, and are keys to the dark side and I will not go that route. I need to be strong right now, to support my Master and take care of her. So she can help me be better and stronger then I am now.

#44

Today has been a large range of emotions for me. First the Refugees were finally picked up which I couldn’t be happier about, they are finally safe and on their way to newer and happier lives away from all this chaos. Thirty four out of the original forty survived. I hope they have a peaceful life now, they truly deserve it.

Then as I was prepping to go to Mon Cala, I overheard there being a Droid argument just outside Veles. I rushed over and found armed droids against utility droids and it was very hostile. Basically calling the utility droids slaves and trash cans that were to return to their master or be destroyed, the utility droids preferred being scrapped to going back at the treatment they were receiving. I refused to allow them to be taken back. We destroyed the original group as they opened fire on us.

The master took over the droid demanding we give him his droids back, that we were thieves stealing them. He offered 2000 credits for every droid that was returned to him. I refused to let him take the droid and wound up fighting the one he sent to retrieve it, after defeating that though, he destroyed the droid instead. It was very painful. At least it didn’t have to go back with him. Hriste cannot see from my point of view that slavery is slavery, if its smart enough to know its being abused and enslaved and wants freedom, then its sentient enough for me to fight for its right to that freedom. I accept my new wounds as the price for fighting for whats right.

Master,

I have made it to Mon Cala, until I am needed back on Viscara I will be training up here, please seek me up here for any lessons. Thanks.

#45

Training on Mon Cala has been what I expect, I have already been advancing in my Sabre techniques as well as using Force Breach. When I have done the best I can with my Sabre I will be moving on to hand to hand combat. It continues to be a challenge yet it is one I do not shun, instead I look forward to the challenges.

The vipers while rather resistant to being attacked physically seem very prone to Breach attacks. Making them far easier to deal with as I work against them. The Aradiles are stronger and I have yet to actually focus Breach against them as I use my sabre on them at that moment. It is hard training but the most challenge I have had in some time while training.

I had Zains third lesson yesterday, I have been doing them when I get the chance to sit down with Zain after having spoken to his Master regarding where he is failing the most and I think he is doing far better then he was before that meeting. Now that I know where he is failing, I know where to help him improve. I think I still need to hammer home discretion but he is getting better. He has vastly advanced in handling rejection and why he struggles with open anger and we have found and addressed what causes it.

I never thought I would be a teacher, let alone be a decent one, but I think Zain is the proof that I can do well in teaching. He is a good student if at times a bit head strong, but he has great potential, I can see what Master Hohenfel does in him, I think. He is becoming more mentally mature in handling himself and dealing with issues and with a bit more time and work, I think he will make a great Jedi.

#46

I am a mix of disappointed and angry…I had such high hopes with Zain, to be backstabbed like that seriously hurts. He had a very simple and single job. Watch Sylia with Lanari, and report to me if he found anything worth noting. Instead, he told Sylia that we thought she was joining the Sith and that I had spoken to him about it…why the hell did he do that, especially with my VERY recent lesson on discretion? Did nothing I say get through to him? Am I that bad of a teacher? He changed my order from watch and observe and report…to make sure she didn’t join them. One does not equal the other.

Now I have Sylia seriously pissed off with me, doesn’t trust me now thanks to his stupidity. I have to answer for trusting him like this and encouraging others to as well, then address my own failures in teaching him. Yet he doesn’t seem to understand why I am so upset with him. I don’t even know what to say or do at this point. He clearly is not cut out to be a Sentinel, he cant keep his mouth shut with critical information. The most simple task a child can do, and he still blew it, how do I encourage his Master now that he can do it? I don’t even know anymore.

#47

A new vision, or is it the continual of the last one?

I am back in the cell, the two strangers speaking quickly, quietly, one holding a lightsabre partly hidden under his robes…he mutters to keep quiet as he focuses on the door a moment and it pops open.

He grabs my hand and pulls me quickly…then were running through the sand…I hear blaster fire…shouting…and one of the two with me fall behind crying out in pain, the other tells me to get in a ship he has waiting…its piloted by a droid…he barks something at it in droid before a blade cuts deep into his back…

Something hits the ship…hard…I think possibly another ship…I see blood running down my face and in my hands…hear the droid squeal something in droid speak….then its just darkness…

#48

I have been trying to think and meditate on what this last vision means, and few things become apparent to my thoughts. One is that I believe the two men were Jedi…or at least one was a Jedi and his Padawan. Two, I believe both are dead. The student cut down before his Master was. Three the order he gave the droid might have been to bring me to CZ to connect with a Master here but the crash or whatever hit the ship, or something damaged the order or I was just to be brought to CZ. Three the crash I believe is what took my memories.

Some questions still remain open Master, but I believe I am beginning to piece many important things together. But the death of two possible Jedi is a serious thing and maybe its enough to verify where I am from?

#49

Zain took the loss hard. I am glad I was there though. Hes been having suicidal thoughts recently unable to grip with his failures and I think another part of it was because of how badly his body was shutting down and he hadn’t told me. I only found out because of how yellow his skin was and he started coughing blood, then suddenly I was having to stabilize him on the floor. A few hours later me and Hriste were rushing him into an emergency surgery.

She wound up removing his heart, liver and kidney and replacing them, adding supports to his spine till he is healthy enough for full replacement, different mechanical part replacements all to restabilize him. I was acting nurse as Seela could not be reached. It was a lot of work under pressure.

My Master showed up along with Sandra at the end and we went outside so I could give a full debriefing on Zains condition, and what was to occur with his Master and such, then we moved on to a lesson in sabre techniques and deflecting blaster shots. The moved on to discussing my recent vision. She is going to look into them, see if there is any records of two jedi or a jedi and his Padawan being killed on Tattooine. Or if they might have survived. Its only been six weeks, if they were critically injured but survived they might only now be back up and moving around.

I spoke to Zain later to help him come to terms with his Masters decision and by the end of it, I think he adapted quite well. Maybe one day he could still be a Jedi, but not right now. For now we work on his physical and mental health, then we work on him as a Sabre Duelist and maybe one day, he will achieve his dream and become a jedi. Who knows.

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#50

Why is it that I can forgive every one of Zains mistakes, have faith in him even when others tell me I am stupid to do so, stand beside him when he struggles, but if I make one single mistake…I am a drug addict that cannot be trusted not to inject or snort something the moment he leaves the room? I screwed up, I acknowledge that and Hriste was quick to fix it. He keeps insisting I overdosed on stims, which I didn’t, just had a bit too much and my brain said no and went to sleep mode. Was my first time doing optimized stims like that and overdid myself on that high an amount. I made this clear to him several times once I had been awakened as did Hriste. I still had a headache from the meds and he offered to get some water with electrolytes in it…then had the nerve to tell me to try not to snort or inject anything while he was gone to the vending machines. I told him, I am not a drug addict, he turned and told me that “That’s what they all say” as if I am some petty addict.

I have accepted a lot of his mistakes, his crap and his failures, even standing by him during his most recent two screwups, one that nearly cost him his life, yet he cannot help but rub in my face that I made a mistake, call me a drug addict and tell Andro that I overdosed on stims? How is that fair?! I am no drug addict, I go days to weeks between using stims to ensure its out of my system entirely before medical practice again. Addicts need it daily, sometimes several times a day. There is a massive difference. Needless to say, his words were like a knife to the heart. This will take a while to forgive.

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#51

New vision,

The oasis…but this time my mother and father are there, we seem actually happy…flowers bloom as water runs from the falls into the pool of water that glistens like a pool of diamonds…mother hums a soft song, father plays a small instrument I don’t recognize, food sits out on the blanket…mother keeps me curled close…a red flower in her hair, the smell of wild flowers everywhere…the peace…the beauty…the calm…

#52

So much death today, but once more the land will finally be at peace. The Director of Czerka and Duskhaven are finally in custody. The Republic has won the day. I witnessed how strong my friends have grown in so little time. Even Zain has shown how strong he has become in such short time. I am in pain, I am sore, and probably have more bumps, bruises and shots and wounds then I can even begin to know what to do with and I don’t even have the energy to get up off the ground. Yet, I would not have changed being here for anything. I wanted to be here, to be a part of the war for Veles. I knew it would be bloody, and yet, nothing could truly have prepared me for the true horrors of war. One I pray will be a long time if I ever see it again.

Now that Veles is safe once more, I can refocus on my training, and on other problems I see sitting that need to be addressed. There is still a darkness looming over us, and I fear the battle we saw today…will be very small in comparison. I hope I am wrong…

#53

Master,

It has come to my attention that Sylia would like to speak with you if you can make some time for her. Please seek her out at your discretion, though please remember I seek to speak to you as well.

Iradtoki.

#54

Padawan,

I imagine many will wish to speak to me after all of this. I will be sure to make time for you and Sylia.

Nulaa Aldette

#55

Dream killer…I never knew those two words could cut like they did, but they cut very deep. That ontop of being chewed out for doing what was right instead of what he wanted of me gave me a quick reminder to pull back from Zain. He was too close for my own good. I will not repeat Master Verracs mistake…may he rest in peace. I don’t believe Zain has what it takes to be a Jedi, and that makes me sad because I know how much he worked towards it. His obsession though will always stand in his way.

I have told my Master that I believe it is best I don’t try and train Zain any further. I cannot handle his emotional instability and he needs someone more heavy handed then I can be and knows better how to deal with his obsession. What I think hurt the most though was a very simple question. If you had to choose between saving my life, and joining the Jedi…if you chose one you could not have the other ever again…he found the choice hard…He found it hard to choose between saving the life of his “Best Friend” or becoming a Jedi. He eventually answered me but only because I was a Jedi…so I made the choice easier…the Jedi…or a child…and he still had a very hard time deciding this.

After that I knew then his obsession was beyond my help. It made me fear the path he was walking and I told him that if he didn’t stop this path, it would lead him straight to the dark side. I would be telling my Master. He said he didn’t hate me but then also stormed off and started chewing me out over the comms to the point I started crying, I could feel his anger, betrayal and pain.

Lucas seeing me so broken reached over and took the comm and shut it off seeing how much it was upsetting me and guided me back into my house and tried to sooth me. He helped a lot to sooth my emotions as we talked, I also at that point contacted my Master, still emotional and upset she advised me to seek meditation till she arrived and we could talk. I thanked Lucas for his support and did exactly that.

I hope Zain wont hate me for the choice I made. If he does though I hope he finds peace in his life. He has family that cares for him and I hope they can help him find himself. I do not hate him. I just cannot help him. Though his words stung me deep, and it will be something I will carry for a very long time. Dream killer…I did not kill your dreams Zain, you did with your “Obsession”.

#56

I spoke to Zain today, gave him some guidance that while I am not his teacher anymore, I am still his friend. He is moving forward with the adoption and leaving the Jedi behind. I think this is good for him. I read his feelings…I didn’t tell him what I picked up from him though, because it would further complicate things. He is in love with me. I can feel it, it is all the more reason I need to keep some distance now. I don’t hate him. He’s a good friend, but he cannot be more then that I fear. I cannot love him.

He seems happier though. Having finally given up the Jedi path once and for all, he is finding a better life and a better path that is not filled with obsession. He even told me he hasn’t felt this whole in a long time. I am happy for him. He deserves to be happy. I still worry about the choices he’s making in some things, but I cannot tell him how to live his life.

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#57

Things have been progressing slowly, learning to read from Lucas who is having struggles fitting in as a non force user. Zain is happier and seems intent on trying to please me, though I hope strongly that does not become a new obsession. Althea has been visiting as of late which I really enjoy. Sandra is teaching me as well and has been promoted to Knight. I am so happy for her!

Althea fears a war is coming, and that we need to be ready so spends much of her time preparing for such. I fear shes right and know a great darkness is coming. Just when I don’t know. I can only hope I am prepared for it when it comes.

I had a strange dream that has been recurring…A man in a robe approaching my cell having bought me for the night, but doesn’t touch me, he speaks but I cannot hear him, the only part I can see of his face is his eyes which are black and hollow and bleed. I don’t really know what it means, but its really creepy.

#58

New vision…

I am standing before the hutt, I am about sixteen, he speaks in a language I realize as Huttese, tells me that my parents have been dead a long time…it is time to serve, to become valuable and put credits back into the system that has fed and clothed me this long. I protest, also in Huttese, yet it falls on deaf ears.

I am taught to dance in a way that is both enticing yet teasing, how to encourage men to do what they desire, for a price. How to answer them, how to speak to them, even how to look at them. I am to serve their every wishes, so long as it does not damage me, and they are paying for it.

That night I am sold for the first time, the highest bid I will ever get for all my time there. A hundred thousand credits to be the first to be with me. It was not a good night, and I came out with many bruises. Though he left with just as many when the bouncers were done with him for damaging me…

#59

So apparently I can speak huttese….I didn’t know that till I apparently started speaking it to Zain and Jaycen….took me a moment to start basic again…

#60

I had to get away for a while, yet little has changed, except that I came back to becoming more sad. Zain hooked up with Sylia. Must she really seek to bed every person I get close to or care for? I cant even tell him this really bothers me because it would confuse the hell out of him. Shes gone off to learn to be a doctor apparently. What can I say? I cannot compete, I cannot have his heart, I cannot love him even if part of me wants to. Now, he has taken a different lover who I am not sure even loves him, or just sees him as some kinda trophy as so many have seen her.

Oh and of course the bounty hunters are back and already kidnapped Zain trying to torture information from him with truth serum and electric attacks. Thankfully he got free of them and he has been able to warn me. I wish I had Altheas confidence that its not a big issue but I know the Hutt, perhaps better then she does and they are not going to give up at all. If I held no value, they wouldn’t be after me. The Hutt wouldn’t have bothered other then to have me killed. If even that. I admit this scares me.