Second Chances (Zain Kalan)

Irad keeps having nightmares but we did pack her food with extra nutrients and calories so with luck she can get her weight up.
It’s touch and go with her only able to take at most a few bites of things at a time before losing appetite. The doctor at the hospital told me her malnourishment is pretty bad. Nate and I are doing everything we can think of to help her get her weight up.
Irad was always very slender… she did not need starvation on top of that.
I’m calling it Operation: T.H.I.C.C. She has to stay Totally Hydrated and we need to Increase Calories Consumed.

She’s at least attempting to force herself to eat snacks though and I think sitting her in front of the holovision at mealtime aided in this regard. Instead of just plain water, we give her juice and milk, too.

Now, as for Father… he and I were getting along quite well but he did decide to recall the advanced prototype cybernetic I had installed on Jace on the grounds of safety concerns. I feel that his concerns were valid as I had not tested the prosthetic sufficiently before giving it to Jace but Jace does not see things that way and he and dad… do not like each other very much.

We’d had a disagreement about Jace and regretfully I stomped out to go back to mining with him. I haven’t been mining nearly enough to continue paying our rent and with the new building on our property that is going to increase how much we pay the Viscara title office. When Jace and I came back from the caves… I found out dad had gotten into a firefight with Norm. Norm the big tough guy who eats blasters for breakfast. I guess dad was more upset about our fight than he let on because that was not a great move. He’s probably going to need to have his leg amputated. The bone and muscle are too mangled for him to be able to walk on it again.

Jaycen, Jace and I managed to lash it to a splint so he could be moved more easily once the bleeding got somewhat staunched.

At the hospital the doctor explained dad would be requiring a prosthetic leg and unfortunately the hospital did not have any Chiss compatible blood in their blood bank so they are using synthetic substitute blood and his body will need to take over blood cell production… which means it will gradually replace over time.
Amputation of the mangled leg went off without a hitch though and the doctor and nurse slapped on a cybernetic junction interface over the stump/remnant. It’s up to me to build dad a new leg.

Business… yeah we’re kind of struggling against the monopoly Kho Khan is enjoying. That fat cat wants to buy us out too and hasn’t been shy about it. We can’t sell though. Dad was tasked with establishing a thriving trade hub and this isn’t just about livelihood… the penalty for failure is death.

The two most important people in my life are dad and Iradtoki.
I love them, after a fashion.

A stranger being set upon by kath hounds was looking like he could use a new suit (gave him two, one basic and one tier IV) and something to fend them off with (enhanced basic power glove, asked him if he had much experience boxing and he told me he was rather new to it, tailored the gloves to fit his skill range). As I tended his wounds and made him a custom tailored one to fit… he was impressed with the service quality and I said pay what you feel it is worth and he gave us a 5,000 credit chit!

Nate and I went a little too overboard with trying to get Irad’s calories up and she herself said, “Zain 5 meals heavy in sugar is too much. I’ve nearly gotten sick.” It was ice cream of many kinds and flavors…

I am thinking we should balance her diet regimen a little more but keep the protein shakes going. Started physical therapy too just with some light ankle stretches and am going to show her calf exercises next.
Seela says to keep it up but definitely add more vitamins.

Dad is still adjusting to the cybernetic leg.

It made me so mad the Hutt cartel was starving her. Iradtoki was always such a slender little thing even before that, it was the last thing she needed! Well, reversing malnourishment for a vegetarian is tricky. People keep suggesting for her to try meat but I know she hates it and throws up just at the sight and smell of it.

Quintzac claims to have already killed Master Vrake but Jaycen and I know he likes to fool around using dark side illusions so that “vision” in the crystal cave had to have been fake, right? Those horribly mutated crystal spiders weren’t…

“Wylan Fenner” has revealed himself to possess at least two force abilities… the ability to jump very great distances and some power to confuse beasts into attacking each other.

I made a triple barreled blaster… which I am calling “Boomstick”. It slowly regenerates your health by use of a bio sensor and tiny kolto injector… and fires with 8x the strength of a regular pistol. Still not as good at my 10x but it’s still quite good.

What else? Tara and Althea are both alive. That’s something.

Sometimes I wonder why Iradtoki likes me.
I am not and can never be a Jedi… I have no way to compete with her friends who are in the Order. It is no contest. They are simply better than me and always will be. So it was deemed.

I am not a member of the Republic army either.
There is a durasteel curtain between The Ascendacy and the Republic which is not going to come down any time soon.


At best I am one who is at times a decent helper. I shall endeavor not to get in the way.

The best thing I can do to show I care about her is be supportive and do all that I can to ensure she gets to become the great knight she has always wanted to be.

I am irrelevant and pathetic for this perhaps.
When Quintzac taunted me… he said he could offer me power, money, women to join him. I don’t care about any of that. Just one woman. My best friend. The one I went to hell and back for and who has in turn saved my life on numerous occasions.

It seems not fair that Jedi aren’t allowed to romance but I get the reasoning behind why.
Attachments and base feelings get in the way of attaining spiritual enlightenment.

The difference between me and Quintzac is we were both brought up exposed to “everybody but you is special and better” but unlike him, the path I forge is to be a good person and I do not think killing my friends is a good way to prove to them that I was right.

There are times who was right or wrong becomes irrelevant when there are larger things at stake than what is the individual.
It could also be said you do not always get the destiny you desire, yes?
Grown ups learn to work with rather than fight that, I think.

How can I best help dad and Irad?

Well, with help from Irad it seems the hatchet has been buried within Tran.
She really is shining as a consular more and more.

I also landed a contract with Czerka in the construction effort for the new buildings in the colonies. They want me and father to make the motors for the automatic doors and the security cameras for the new buildings. We will be paid 35,000 credits per month for the duration of the project.

It still feels strange with so very many Jedis around most of the time yet I may never be one. I am yet to finish optimizing my suit of powered armor also.
I can never really be a part of that world but that’s okay…
I am a force adept. I decided to focus my raw talent in healing and using the force to speed up my body.

I am one of the few masters of fighting in heavy armor effectively.
Most opt for light jackets and robes.

Poor Iradtoki has the shakes, some migraines and fever sweat chills.
Her body and mind are rebelling against the more dilute wider spaced out dose of narcotic during rehab. However, the jedis showed a meditation technique to help her fight the withdrawals. I built her a makeshift meditation chamber in the medicine console room.

I will do what I can to save Master Vrake and stop Quintzac for my own personal reasons. Even though I did not get to be his padawan, I do at least somewhat care for him as a person. Quintzac is in many ways my warped darker reflection. He (Vrake) said we were similar but the obsession with power, the technical skill but not a whole lot of raw force potential… using his tricks to scare and dominate people…

I was once a biker thug. I left that life. I was a bad guy and now I am not. I’ve been a bit of a smuggler too before but military life changed that. My father, the captain and my best friend, the Jedi Iradtoki… I wonder if without them I’d still just be that guy running away from the consequences of my mistakes and taking what I want.

1 Like

This is tricky.
Irad is repulsed by her own appearance which has been marred and disfigured at the hands of her Hutt torturers. I am trying but with little success to convince and reassure her she is still pretty anyway.


I wonder if kissing her scars would work. I know that I can touch them without flinching helps. Her self esteem must be in tatters from that. She keeps blurring the water with the force when we are near reflective pools and does not enjoy looking at herself.

I said, I wish you could see yourself the way I do.

I see a brave, kind lady who is noble for her suffering and still somebody I like very much.
She sees “hideous, marred” former beauty and a cascade of abuse by her past captors.


Tried bathing her today and succeeded but she’s very conscious of all the whip and burn scars.
Damn that cartel for making my friend hate herself.

According to the jedis: I’m bad for doing the raid to save Irad from the Hutt because I am not a Jedi. They would rather I give her back to a Hutt… so they can deliberate whether she actually is in danger or not… and then by the time they can be arsed to deal with it she’ll likely be dead?
Just so somebody can say everything was exactly according to a procedure book and their rules?

Bad guys don’t play by your rules. Only good guys will care much about that. Huh.

Idea… look into a way to remove the Hutt cartel branding from Iradtoki’s neck. That or get her a nice tattoo to cover over it.

She can’t stay with me. When she’s done with detox and physical therapy they want her to move in with one of the girl jedis.
I joked with Ira it was like a sorority but then had to explain to her what one was… that they are basically not coed.

We’ll still be friends though. Always I think.
I wish the Jedi would get over it though about my being with the Chiss.
They had their chance to work with me and treated me like garbage… to continue being so hostile and resentful when I have assisted them time and time again, been gracious to them inviting them into my home and helped clean up their messes is… rather unbecoming. I’ve even tossed every new force sensitive I encounter their way and this is the thanks I receive?

I get it though… they probably fear I am poisoning her mind with strange and forbidden ideas. Such as love.
Is it really so terrible to try and bring some bit of joy to someone who has been through so much suffering though? I don’t think so.

I get it though.
A Jedi cannot love people. They must always only love being a Jedi.

So what do you do if you love a Jedi? You fight at her side.
She did say she still wants me in the next fight. The one to save Master Vrake, who himself had authorized me to assist her before his being kidnapped. We’ll stop Quintzac one way, or another.

1 Like

I love her and that’s why… that’s why I have to help her become the very best Jedi she can. She lost her master and was completely devastated because apparently when you train together enough there’s this psychic bond thing and when it gets severed is super painful… but then Ira told me she could still feel Nulaa somewhat afterward?
Anyway the Jedi were meddlesome as ever and insisted we be apart… but… they were right and to make Irad stronger I can’t always protect her from everything.
Sitting back and letting her get hurt was so tough!

Okay so when she finally did get enough of herself back together I got to briefly experience a composite Irad where all the fragments, all the personality pieces and many memories were sort of more cemented and… I got to kiss the solid true her, the emergent more balanced personality and know what that felt like. Far out.

And she asked me to take her to Mon Cala for solo training. It was the toughest goodbye I have ever had to make but I did it because well because I care about her a lot and she asked me to.

She also told me about how the Sith have come back and that frankly the Jedi need all the help they can get and had me promise her that no matter what happens not to have a personal war with them, even when they are extremely rude towards me and she asked me to protect them, for her. I swore fealty offering my axe to the cause of protecting these physically squishy little force users from the big bad Sith. And I’m doing it all for the love of one scarred but very gentle and yet also fierce twikek. I would really do just about anything for her and they all knew that.
I was worried the Jedi would do something evil like say we could never ever see or speak to each other again and Irad was worried too but nope.

Training goes good. Have mastered armorsmithing and engineering as well as their associated socketing. Still working on my martial arts.

She will be back and and I’ve got two missions with her & fighting alongside Irad is the best! We kind of fight very in sync with one another and it’s probably the closest I’ll ever get to dancing with her, it’s very fluid. She’ll probably even know some new moves by then too!

She’s a fighter who doesn’t like violence. And that’s kind of awesome.
It was good seeing her in her old martial arts outfit again. Exciting.

I feel sad too though which is weird. I mean, Irad still likes me and the Jedi masters were actually for the most part more okay with it than I had thought they would be. And yet…
Well… that’s just how things are. We can sort it out later maybe after the Sith are made to retreat or just not at all. I’ll just need to have faith in our relationship (which I can do) and in the masters (which is admittedly harder but I am working on it!). Get strong Irad. There’s a lot of really tough bad guys we are going to need to face.

[details=“Summary”]
OOC I am going to be around a lot less often because my jackass parents decided any downtime at all is horrible and ever letting me sleep is horrible and constant get/take all the jobs 24/7 365 days a year harassment was a good way to somehow prevent me from ever relaxing and it is working. I was conscripted forcefully into many stupid “volunteer” activities because of how much they hate me having time off.
It intensely bothers them I also don’t work weekends and that I sometimes get part of summer, winter and some holidays off.
They are insane. Never get sick or be exhausted from work in my house. They will double down even harder. I will probably die of work and stress related problems at an early age and will have my dead corpse be getting goaded with a stick how lazy it is for not also constantly crapping out dollar bills.
It was fun while I could! Even though it was a constant fight to ever get to!
I enjoyed playing with a lot you, my parents are going to either kill me or be the death of me and I will very likely end up having to go homeless for a bit of peace of mind! It’s been nice but gotta blast![/details]

Revan was seduced by the dark side is what people were saying.
The holonet news said he and his lieutenant Alak are part of some “New Sith Army” And there’s even loads of Republic military defecting over to them.

Jerr says it’s the attachment thing. The former Jedi now Darth Revan is very very charismatic. He wins people over.
I don’t think my loyalty to Iradtoki would ever be able to waiver but if I had to… if she became a dark side user… would I be able to help the Jedi put her down? I love her… that would be terrible.
What if I wound up turning evil? What if he or another Sith promised with their frightening powers they could rejuvenate Irad’s body to get rid of her scars, or make it so we could have a regular, normal relationship, with a family? That would be harder to turn down but my plan for that is… any promises a dark side user makes to win you over are lies. You don’t want what they have to offer. It’s never good.

Irad and I agreed, better to have this limited relationship and our imperfect lives than a better one but having to compromise with absolute evil to get there.
What if they turned her though?
Again, Could I take out my best friend if it came down to it?
Well… that would be difficult. She wouldn’t want to become something a twisted evil version of everything she stood for though. Irad lives to help people in service to others. The Sith hurt and take what they want from others & they prey on the weak.

I’m told Revan stole the mask of Mandalore too to cripple the clans during the war. That’s what Mandalorian remnant travelers on Viscara have told me. Maybe we could recruit them to help the Republic.
Mandalorians love a good fight against a tough foe and a whole army of dark side users promises to be a challenging fight. Plus if they constructed a new Mask of Mandalore… they might not need the old one.

Vengeance can be a powerful motivator. Not a light side one but when working with warrior cultures and mercenaries… it can be about as good as credits, often.

Yeah, working with the Mandalorians… getting the Chiss and them to help the Republic… could work.
I should really talk to Althea and Sandra about this. When Irad is back from training… we can strategize too.
I hope she either gets good at not having a master or the Order gives her a new one.

I am kind of good at befriending lots of different kinds of people too. Facility with alien languages comes in handy for that.

I should talk to dad about this and find a Jedi Master to talk with about it too. Ugh… just when it felt like we might be starting to get a stab at something nice and normal. That’s when things get even more ultra-convoluted than ever.

You can do this Zain. Irad told you to be strong for her.
And Nate teased you if you cried she’d come home to you all rusty. Your droid parts are galvanized, so they don’t rust, but the sentiment was understood! Heh.

Damnit Sandra, one thing you were right about… she did look pretty good fierce in her old martial arts uniform. I don’t… think I put Irad on a pedestal though. I mean… okay well maybe I kind of do but… she taught me some very important things about kindness! And we’ve saved each other’s lives each several times again and again. Going to hell and back for somebody to get them back is not nothing. I don’t think she (Sandra) could understand even though she was there with us on that mission. She wasn’t there when Irad saved me in the hospital or stabilized my failing organs during the cyber surgery. She wasn’t there when Irad lost her memory and Landyn, the hospital doctor and I had to do stuff to get her her identity back.

Okay, okay… Ira told me to do it for her. Not to wage a personal war with the Jedis when the Sith are already doing stuff to cause upset, fear and doubt… sewing chaos and despair… having us all busy fighting amongst ourselves is to weaken your foes to make conquering them easier.

I was less than impressed with the Jedis and their display of “tough love” for Ira’s injuries and illnesses. That is just a touch too barbaric.

I get it, they worry she is too dependent on me and I on her.
Not so subtle on second thinking. Oh well, let it go Zain.

He frowned and shook the negative thought away using the space meditation he and his father practiced.
“Put all your bad feelings into an ultra dense black hole.”

He decided to work on some more sets of boots. More settlers were arriving at the colony every day and they have a definite need for decent footwear!

Okay, they kind of had to do that. I would have coddled her too much, probably. There was the unpleasant bit of truth he had to concede to them they may have been a little bit right about.

I don’t… want my compassion towards her to mess with her chances at becoming a knight. Blah.

No. She shouldn’t have to go through an entirely joyless life with no respite and no unconditional kindness. That’s so unnatural. I don’t… personally agree with their methods because even though the effect was the desired one the way of delivering it was so harsh and cruel.

The jedis’ ways are strange indeed, I see some of why they did that though.
I know one thing I can give her they won’t; A lack of constant harsh judgment. She’s already suffered so much.
You think that because you like her.
Shut up. It’s not bad to like people, just to like them too much. You’re sounding like one of them. We can’t have that.

Okay, they had a bit of a point.
He felt a headache coming on and massaged his temples in between cobbling pairs of boots.

I should probably ask some of those masters what would be the best way for me to help her… at some point. Would that I could just be sure they wouldn’t just go: ANY ATTACHMENT AT ALL IS BAD and punish her further for being my friend since I am not a Jedi. Jedis and regular people are kept… to “differing standards”, which can be both good and bad.
He mused
On the positive it is supposed to keep them pure protectors of… the things they protect.
On the negative it can lead some to be arrogant bastards quite out of touch with how regular people live.
I will not share this thought again publicly though. It makes many padawans and a few knights rather upset and I do not wish to make trouble for dear Ira.

Maybe there could be a politer way of wording it.
Most masters though might agree that even jedis and their code are not always always perfect. The illusion of things being static is a powerful symbol though. It represents a stubbornness.
Like what I and Irad have in common.
It is also a constant.
Something they take comfort in as a bastion against the chaotic rest of the galaxy. I suppose I can concede the Jedis at least that.
I am trying to be reasonable with them.
Someone must be the more civilized one first to show the way you would like them to act. That’s what a Chiss would probably say the right way to behave is.

He inspected the handiwork of his shoemaking, the frown lightened and set them in the equipment chest.

Maybe the navy would have used a similar technique to force a shellshocked soldier to “snap out of it”? Something I could ask my father for some thoughts on later perhaps.

I should have been stronger.
I get it… I was coddling Iradtoki too much.
That’s why the jedis want us more apart.
She’s suffered so much but… I thought… just trying to provide a little bit of joy in her life… she was a slave and used and abused so much, she had to watch her own parents die while still just a little, little girl…
I thought she would benefit from some unconditional love and kindness. You know, compassion?
I don’t feel good about her losing both her Jedi Master and me at the same time during her recovery.
I guess it wouldn’t hurt to call her up today and maybe just a brief visit…
If other people are there, Jedi ones we can show just being friends and maybe that will allay some of their fears about us being too attached, right?

Jedis aren’t supposed to fall in love.
I have to not care to show that I do care and that’s messed up.

I think if I share some of these entries with Jerr he will get an idea of some of the things my friends and I have faced and a better feel for how different active service in the field is from cloistered temple life.
If he can keep it to himself, that is.

I’m a soldier, not a Jedi but this is very raw and real stuff, not what you would find in a text book or typical lecture I think!

I wonder what he would think about this one or my take on why it is people who aren’t well acquainted with The Order or force users might have a difficult time discerning between Jedis, dark Jedis and Siths.

You can give me shit about being part of an alien military different than the Republic, and for not being a Jedi but some of my greatest friends are Jedis, so you know damn well I’m not gonna sit by and let dark side users pick them off one by one, if there’s something I can do to help them.

Detecting a definite iciness from Tara. Yeah yeah, stay away from the twilek. You’ll just interfere with her getting to be a Jedi. Beat it into my head some more, harder, why don’tcha? I get it.

Not so mad at Sandra anymore. The meditation and remembering the promise I made Ira, helped.

Jerr and I have talked about how having friends but not an excess of attachment is difficult yet important for aspiring jedis. I’ll tamp down my friendliness… yes, even though I know that she could as a person benefit from receiving what she had been critically deprived of. For healing the emotional damage.

Try not to hate the jedis. No matter how obnoxious and hostile they may act towards you. They need all the friends they can get for the difficult and terrible conflict looming ahead she said. Even if they don’t know you are a friend. The masters and I know you are.

Can you say you know what it feels like to free somebody from being constantly oppressed? Even though they have been damaged by the yolk of slavery to have that lighting up in his or her eyes… that for the first time in a long time, instead of dreading continual horrible treatment, there is a glimmer and sparkle of hope?
That instead of a slave, you can be something.

You want to just hug that person after freeing them and tell him or her it’s going to be alright. That things are okay now.

Father tells me the Ascendacy does not have slavery. The Republic I know says they do not condone it but on outer rim worlds where things are difficult to enforce Hutt Cartels and The Exchange can bribe officials handsomely to look the other way at such vices as the trafficking in sentients.

image https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61FqK63%2Bm0L
What do you think about that Jerr?

I shouldn’t hate them.
I have to work with them.
Some are nice.

Dad and I have our plan and are practicing for when the ambassador comes. I mean, if the inspection and test goes well he could receive a promotion and I could get access to all sorts of knowledge about the unknown regions, right?

Iradtoki is so sweet and nice. I’d gladly protect her from siths to my dying breath. I wish there was something I could do to help her feel better about her appearance. I gave her some chocolates Nate made so she could reward herself with something nice after physical therapy and rehab on Mon Cala. I think it’s important for Iradtoki to know somebody cares for her and that’s something I can do that the jedis can’t or won’t.

I do agree with them on the front that me doing the therapy and recovery for her was too coddling though. So…

I’ve been training with Jerr. Let him read my journal too to get a feel for what we are up against, things Iradtoki and I have faced and in general.


Attachments… they’re important but Jedi don’t like ‘em. Normally. It’s weird.
Well, he told me Darth Revan is a person exceptionally good at getting people attached to him.
His outstanding charisma allows him to rally people to his causes… even ones who would normally not be so easily swayed over. He’s getting whole swathes of the Republic military to defect over to his side and be on the complete opposite of what they believed and their ideals, with ease!

I mean Revan used this during the war (the war in which Jerr and Althea fought as and alongside Revanchists, no less) to make a massive counter army to protect the Republic from the Mandalorians and now he’s using it to destroy the Republic… it doesn’t make sense. The only thing I can figure is something happened to change him and Malak when he was out in the Unknown regions after the war. Something bad and horrible but also sneaky and subtle. People don’t drastically change overnight. It takes time. The hero of the Mandalorian War has gone from savior to destroyer of civilization.

A new Sith empire the holonet news was saying…
Sith have always been about ruthlessness and deceit. Maybe somebody way out there is playing Revan and Malak. No idea who but that’s the true deeper evil. The corruption.

I would very much like to become a proper naval soldier and I have to pass various tests. The Ascendacy rises up and improves things around them but only for those whom they find worthy.


It could help Father get a promotion.
I asked him for our stance on Darth Revan too. He told me to adopt a wait and see approach.
For now… just observe. Let the Republic and Jedi act first I guess?
Chiss are not about unthinking, feeling response. They are about analyzing all the angles and being strategic, decisive, well planned.

It’s not really the Ascendancy’s problem unless this “New Sith Empire” does something to jeopardize or damage the Ascendacy’s dominion over Chiss things.

1 Like

I wonder…
What is my place?
It’s always all about these Jedi, they think.
Dad says they are irrelevent and I am starting to think yes because we can do much of what they can using their “force powers” simply by applying common sense, deductive reasoning, observation and logic. Applied logic does a lot.

I hope Iradtoki is well. She seemed better last time I saw her. Said she was concentrating on self-healing. I get that. I really do.
Left her a box of chocolates Nate made for a little treat pick me up after therapy days though along with the harvester equipment and herbs for making medicine craft she had requested (She didn’t know about the chocolates, that was just a surprise to be nice) because knowing that somebody cares about you, that they always care about you is kind of a nice thing to have in a nasty and uncertain galaxy.


No pre-eminent strike. Solid, unyielding, unforgiving defense. They strike first, then we strike without mercy. We always fight fairly though.

My kid brother became a Republic soldier and got transferred to Viscara.
And the leader of the Flying Vipers gang got out of prison… and is really mad at us.

Things just keep getting more interesting!